My boyfriend is so independent that we are growing apart. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys. I'm a normally super confident woman. I do my own thing & I'm fine and secure. However, started dating this guy & have noticed some sort of odd behavior. We are rapidly growing apart bc this guy is just so independent. He goes & does his own thing everyday, goes on trips with his guy friends, never thinks to invite me to things. He just goes about his day and is so busy he just operates in his own world. Like I get it he needs his alone time. However, it seems almost no part of our lives are together. He does check in with me everyday, send me a text to see how I'm doing, but I feel there's almost no shared experience. He'll invite me over sometimes but we end up sitting around watching/doing what he wants to do/his projects. I try to invite him to stuff during the week but he almost never wants to come, prefers to work on his stuff.

I really love this guy but I feel like he's maybe not ready for a relationship. I'm a really generous/giving person and the lack of emotion/shared experience is just draining on me. I just stopped inviting him to shit. (I know, passive-aggressive, bad). He just runs his own errands, alone, goes on guy trips with his friends, never includes me in anything. He does check in everyday and ask how I'm doing tho. I brought up that I don't feel connected to him & he said he feels we do plenty, he's not sure what else to do

[BakedBeanieBabie]

I don't think that's him being too independent, it sounds to me more like he wants to live his own life and have a relationship on the side that requires little to no commitment.

I've been in relationships where both of us were very independent people. We had separate lives, yes, but never to the point where we didn't see each other much or only did one person's projects or preferences.

If he's not seeing how he can do more, he has no intention of it now or in the future. I'd personally move on.

[Asker]

Best answer. Thank you so much
<3

[BakedBeanieBabie]

No problem bebe.

[kyleelyn199723]

Sounds like you have a set idea on how you feel and I think it’s best to break up with him and allow him to enjoy the youth that he is chasing :). Some men need to realize what they have and sometimes they only realize that when it’s gone.

[Curmudgeon]

He checks in with you, and frankly, wouldn't you get bored hanging out with the guys doing guy things? (If not, gently suggest it to him).

Anyway, just realize that "the spaces in between, leave room, for you and he to grow..."

https://www.youtube.com/embed/BVYuSYlkCJ0

[Asker]

Thanks!! Unfortunately the space is so great that we have no time together. We're growing apart bc the space is so big, that's the problem. He doesn't miss me ever & I miss him a ton when apart

[Asker]

But ty <3

[Curmudgeon]

If he is a student, that too might explain much. Anyway, I think he really DOES care, it's just that he has a lot of other things to do.

[Asker]

Great answer!

[Curmudgeon]

I have been there and done that, what can I say?

[Asker]

I appreciate it. This may not be the best relationship for me then so I'll try to become busier/more independent then & see what I can do!

[Curmudgeon]

Anyway, I dissent from most others here. He seems like a great if busy guy. Stay the course. You could ask to accompany him to his guy events. WARNING: from gamer geekery to discuasions about hardware, you might be bored. 😆

[slatyb]

He’s not that interested in you. Find someone who is.

[Reah1]

He's living like a single man when he has a girlfriend

[Asker]

I completely agree

[jahaims]

Tell him