What’s the difference between an independent man and just not caring?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a couple months. he really only texts me to make plans to see each other, which recently has been once a week.

we just went long distance this week, which is concerning cause we aren’t going to make plans to see each other, at least for the next month. he brought up his opinions on phone calls yesterday and said he really doesn’t like talking on the phone super often, but if i ever really need someone to talk to or i’m stressed with school he said feel free to reach out, and that i wouldn’t be bothering him.

he’s always been a pretty independent guy. his last girlfriend was very “clingy” in his eyes and he used to complain about it constantly and how it was exhausting and annoying. he says he finds it attractive that i don’t need constant reassurance or need to be texting him 24/7. he also said he was “glad” about us going long distance, it gives us the opportunity to work on our own goals, etc. i’m just having a hard time deciphering if he is just majorly independent or he just simply doesn’t care enough about this relationship or me.

[Mach40]

An independent person values their personal space, autonomy, and the pursuit of their individual goals and interests. They are comfortable with spending time alone, maintaining their own routines, and not needing constant contact or reassurance from their partner. Independence can be a healthy trait, as it allows individuals to grow and focus on self-development. Not caring about a relationship implies a lack of emotional investment or concern for the well-being and growth of the relationship. It suggests that the person may be indifferent or apathetic toward the partnership and their partner's feelings and needs.

In your situation, it seems like your boyfriend values his independence, which is not inherently a negative trait. He appreciates that you're not clingy and enjoys having space to work on individual goals. However, it's essential to communicate openly with him about your needs and expectations in the relationship, especially since it has transitioned into a long-distance one.

If you're feeling uncertain about his level of care or involvement, consider having an honest conversation with him about your feelings and the importance of maintaining emotional connection and support, even in a long-distance relationship. This will help you both understand each other's needs better and find a balance that works for both of you.

[AaronKrieger]

He probably is very busy and just building his career. However, it doesn't matter which one he is, since you will not know for sure.

The main thing to ask yourself is if you are okay with these terms he's stated? It's okay if you are or are not, since this is a question of compatibility - not with him as a person, but right now in his life. I'd focus on what you want in a relationship right now in your life, then decide if it's enough.

If it is, then I think just staying busy and seeing if all your needs gets met is the way to go.

[Harness]

Anonymous, you see, the term "Independent" is really only used by women; men generally do not use that -it's an obligation to be independent. Now in your second paragraph you said something about leaning shoulder -that's really what he should be, someone you call to when things go down and you needn't his permission "hello, he's your boyfriend."
He called he's old girl clingy. Really, is he matured at all?
Except when necessarily I don't think I would want a distant relationship, even so I still wouldn't like it.

[Anonymous]

He said "if I ever need someone to talk to or am stressed out with school he said feel free to reach out, and that I wouldn't be bothering him".

To me there's your tell. He told you he's there for you. Now if he honors his word then you got a keeper. At least in this sense. I don't know about the rest of him.

It's a sad FACT of reality that we are a sum of our life experiences and some of those experiences are NOT good. I wouldn't overthink this at this point. He told you his last girlfriend was clingy. Makes sure your needs get met but keep that FACT in mind.

[blackgaletiger]

Sounds like he is goal oriented and focuses a lot on life. Independent would be him trying to find some type of balance in life. Not caring would be no ambition in anything. So its for you to decide. If he is ambitious and can't find enough time in the day you could say he leans in the direction of independence. But if he doesn't want to do anything in life in general then that not caring

[Giddyup]

If you want more from this relationship, the get out ASAP. Everything about this reeks of a guy wanting to explore his options. Sorry.

[Asker]

what do u mean wanting to explore his options?

[Giddyup]

He likely already has other women in his stable!!!

[Giddyup]

When my guy friends tell me they are cheating, it sounds exactly like your post😐

[ProbablyClueless]

An independent man will make plans to see you in person and generally be considerate of your needs. Someone who doesn't care about you will refuse to tell you stuff you want/need to know out of spite.

[genericname85]

nobody is "independent". if you say "independent man", what do you mean is he independend of? cause you can't ever get rid of all dependencies.

[Asker]

read the description for more info on what i mean :)

[genericname85]

i did read it. you never said "independend of what". you always used independence as a blanket term.

[Asker]

like independent in terms of a relationship

[genericname85]

but independend of what exactly? not trying to be difficult. i genuinely don't know what you mean exactly.

[KrakenAttackin]

He sounds independent, which is a good thing. If you believe he would be there for you if you really need him then he isn't uncaring.

[boobliker]

an independent man had money without working a cating man is what most want in the end.

[SUMAIREBRAHIM]

He is telling you don't overthink guys will say what they feel exactly

[ronaldo75]

Sounds like he doesn't care