Should my 21 year old boyfriend be independent financially of his parents?

[ninoslakyor]

i sometimes feel like i can't stand my boyfriend since all the money he spends is from his parents pocket. my boyfriend 21 just exchanged majors and now he is back at year 1 , one of my first priorities is education but seeing my boyfriend starting just now while he could have finished annoys me sometimes because i expected a 21 year old to be independent already.

how can i stop being this way?

[abc3643]

I understand your mature personal perspective, but he is immature and you are naïve.

First, never forget these two adages which are very useful:
1. Haste makes waste.
2. Measure twice and cut once.

Collectively, these mean: Don't rush things and make sure that you know what you are doing and have it right before you start doing it.

You don't like that he's changed majors. Maybe he's a bit immature (*) on that but apparently he's learned that he didn't want to do what his original major was. Kids change majors all the time once they learn what is actually involved or realize that their talents are a mismatch with their desires.

However, a 21-year-old being completely independent is not realistic at all - especially in today's world.

As for living off of his parents' dime, that is to be somewhat expected, but he should have the maturity not to waste his parents' money and to want to work towards independence.

For instance, when I was an undergraduate, I had asked for Christmas from my parents for useful things to help me for when I eventually would live on my own. During the summers, I saved my money for my expenses when I was away at school. I still needed some financial support of living while I was in school and, between student loans, scholarships, and parents paying, that's how I went to school. But, my focus was on doing well in school, graduating, and becoming a successful independent adult.

(*) Something to realize that changing your mind isn't necessarily immature. The more you learn about your situation and yourself (or their evolution), you may change your plans or decisions.
This is important:
The two most important things that you need to learn in life are 1) human nature and 2) yourself - who you are.
Unfortunately, learning who you are - your strengths and weakness, your abilities and limitations, your likes and dislikes, what you'll tolerate and what you won't - these can take decades to master and, for many people, they never do.
So, don't be too hard on him for changing majors unless he is very flighty or immature.

[Guy13]

He seems to be immature and your opinion, though accurate, will temper. I like your drive, expectation, and gnawing conscience.

[Anonymous]

about the college thing, don't judge that. you guys are so damn young, how are you supposed to pick what you want to do until you retire for the rest of your life, so quickly? it is actually common to change your majors. maybe or maybe not you'll do the same one day. this is why i suggest taking core classes first before deciding your major...

as for the money thing, since he is in college, does he have a job? it's hard to juggle college and a job... not sure if you are doing those 2 things at once also.

it's not like he's just living at home, doing nothing. he's actually working towards a future and people usually start doing that when they go to college. not sure what you're expecting out of him? it's not uncommon for people to finish college in their mid 20's. he's literally only 21.

[TrueConfection]

He should have finished all of his GE requirements and possibly be able transfer at least 3 to 6 credits of his major. Why is he starting at year 1?

[Avicenna]

Lots of people that age are not, especially if they’re students

[Dav1dTh0ma3]

He should be at least paying rent if he's still living with them but no he doesn't HAVE to be financially independent. He'll have to realize though that his parents won't be around forever.

I'm 33 and I at least pay rent to them. But, they're also in the mid 60's and are officially retired. They're still working though because they need to, to pay off the house, the cars, the health insurance, everything, since we're not rich.

[msc545]

Why is this an issue for you personally? I think he is trying to do his best to accomplish what he wants to accomplish academically, and quite frankly this is none of your business, nor is how or from whom he gets his money or spends it.

You could always leave him and find a man more suited to your liking, but if you are going to stay with him accept that there are things you cannot and should not control.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's fair to put such amount of pressure on a 21 year old. Some people misjudge what to major in (or their decisions were not theirs) and take a detour, so what? You want him to be unhappy with a medical degree rather than happy with an IT degree for example?

[slatyb]

Maybe it's perfectly reasonable for you to feel that way. Is he seriously pursuing a new major or is he just pretending to avoid having to support himself?

[Macnelon]

We’re so young, we have to figure it out. If it takes him longer so be it. Now if he was 31 without a lucrative career or at least a career that made him happy, then you’d have some issues.

[LazerBean]

He sounds like a baby man, but if you're going to stay with him you're going to have to accept it and stop complaining.

[Iron_Man]

That’s a little bit young especially in these expensive times

[Anonymous]

Try to compare one man against another in terms other than how much coin they have.

[Noah-z]

You don’t change people, if you don’t like their style you leave.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one who asked you out and hit on you

[boggboss]

Either accept it or move on lol

[misogynistic_pig]

No, he is very young.

[Danny_dan92]

Depends on the cost of living + his income

[KnewHOUSE]

Grow up out your parents wings 😂