My boyfriend still have his ex’s stuff. Am I wrong for feeling insecure?

Question

My boyfriend and his ex lived together for about three years, but she moved away last summer, around the same time I moved to the city and met him. Initially, our relationship was casual, and I knew about his ex—they ended on good terms and still talked daily. As things got more serious between us, he asked me to move in with him. However, her belongings are still all over his place—shoes, clothes, personal items, even a big dresser and mirror. I mentioned in February that it makes me uncomfortable, but he hasn’t made any effort to return or remove her things, despite saying he would. Before July, I asked him again to get rid of it, and he promised it would be gone by the time I returned. It's been two months, and during our FaceTime calls, I can still see her stuff there. I'm worried about bringing it up again and seeming unreasonable, but I don't know what to think. It feels like she could come back at any moment. Is he truly over her, or am I just overreacting? Why is he still holding onto her belongings? Am I wrong for feeling this insecure?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Lying isn’t good and it’s good to express how you feel as long as it isn’t over the top that’s what happens if things build up ultimately it’s his decision and at the end of it. No matter what happens either it’s something that gets worked through or you just figure you’re both looking for something different if it’s a dealbreaker.

Every person has insecurities at some point but a healthy relationship it can be communicated and talked through.

It started causal….. It seems like this is the beginning of the end though for me. Since the relationship was built on I assume cause sex I don’t have a dirty mind but I know what most people mean when they say something.

It’s a matter of time before you both get bored and someone either breaks it off or goes to someone else. If he lied about it then it could me he still had some attachment to his ex and you were just a rebound.

molonski2 · Accepted Answer

Women are very territorial , they all mark their spot and deliberately leave things to " mark their space " , so what you do is " mark your spot " example completely personalise the dresser , pack some of her things , and use the personal items you like , like lipstick or perfumes , put all her clothes in a garbage back , and take that space..

Just like an animal will " mark " , its your time to " mark " then just don't mention it again , let your mark be pivotal.

Good Luck , but don't harp on about it to him , action is what's needed , so just go for it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My ex also still kept my stuff even though we’ve been broken up for years now. I only know about this because his mom texted me asking if I want to pick up all of my stuff and if I need help packing them up. I’ve moved to a different country and have told my ex to either donate or throw away my stuff, especially my clothes in his bedroom because I don’t want his next girl to feel insecure or overthink.

I can understand if your boyfriend is still keeping some of the gifts he got from his ex, but to keep her personal belongings (especially her clothes) is concerning. You have the right to feel insecure, I would be too if I were you which is why I got a bit angry at my ex for still keeping my stuff. He’ll only be causing drama with his new girl and it just comes across as him struggling to let go of the past tbh…

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No, you're not wrong. My boyfriend still has his 2nd ex-wife's thing. They split 3 years before she died and we've been together 2 1/2 years. I've told him over and over again I don't feel comfortable with her things still in the closet and he keeps saying he will donate and sell some stuff. He insists it holds no sentimental value. He also keeps pictures of his first wife who is still very much alive and still with the man she left him for 16 years ago! in my opinion your boyfriend still holds feelings for his ex. Just like mine does for both his ex-wives. I'm about to bag stuff up and put it in the trunk so he has no excuse anymore. Maybe you can do the same.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's difficult to get over a relationship. He has you now, and that is good, but the ex's stuff remind him of good times in his life. You have every right to feel insecure, but please don't let that ruin your relationship.

Why not help him box up all of the ex's stuff, which can then be delivered to her (if she wants it) or donated to charity.

V_Injector · Answer

You're always wrong; You're a woman.

MisterWack · Answer

I don’t know how many belongings he has,
What I will say is a YouTuber had a watch gifted to him by his ex then moved on from her however still wore the watch because it was something cool not because of the relationship. His girlfriend inquired where he got the watch, he was honest then she complained / accused him about still having feelings…. She bought him a watch instead for him to wear however failed to realize that the watch meant something because it had a design he enjoyed personally not because it was gifted by the partner (they broke up).

If it is a clock or a radio or iPod or something then I can understand. If it is her old clothing & feminine stuff then yeahhhh he has a problem for sure.

Inafishbowl99 · Answer

Certainly not wrong at all , you are his partner now and he should be showing you more respect. I would definetley bring it up again and tell him straight. All. her stuff should be gone , there shouldn't be any reminders on display.
Tell. him that if he sees a future with you then he needs to realise that he needs to clear up. If he doesn't get her stuff gone then sadly he is still s3ems like he is still hoping she comes back.
Don't hold back this is unacceptable , and you don't want to be messed about. Take care

natured · Answer

This is very tricky, I would be confused as well, but In my opinion since they broke it off peacefully he doesn't get negatively triggered by her things. But I don't think he does it for other purposes, but AGAIN don't let it slide, i'd repeat myself again and again without sounding rude... be respectful about it always but do not let it slide. You deserve respect and him removing her things will be a way to show you that he respects you and your boundaries...
IF NOT... bounce out

Anonymous · Answer

Agreeable little miss aren't you? This is the problem with moving into someone else's space. He doesn't see it or is just comfortable with having her stuff around. But you are living in her shoes and it feels very temporary. Almost like she could move back at any minute.
Ideally you both move somewhere new where it's obvious you both have joint ownership. However.
Boundaries. You asked him. Now you need to assert yourself. What would happen if you collected all her stuff together and put it some where, or burned it all? How close is he to get anyway? How often does he take to get? What would happen if she were available again?

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Personally I would pack it all up when he goes out and hide it somewhere. I'd say I threw them out and if he over reacts I'd let him know where I put his lovers stuff and we would be finished. I hate weirdos who hold on to shit of an ex, especially when it isn't useful to them (eg. her shoes or clothes). Shows he isn't over her.

Paris13 · Answer

I realize Being in a New relationship you would probably Feel Intimated that he May still Have-----Feelings for her and has NOT----Totally Moved on from Her. It Happens. I am Not Sure How He Still Feels but I know I Still Have everything from ANYONE I dated or wad Involved with. If it Bothers You, I See problems Down the Road in Which He WON'T-----Get rid of Those Things. He may ev en Tell you to Stop Being Silly... You decide. xxoo

BetaBucks · Answer

You're right to be bothered by this. I don't know if insecure is even the word. I would be annoyed and doubtful of my partner's mindset. And personally, I'd push the issue if I cared about the girl. If not, I'd just check her off the LTR list and have a good time.

quickquesocheese · Answer

I dont think its weird that your feelings the way you are. But you need to realise that it doesn't have to mean anything that some people are keeping stuff from ex's. But i would never personally keep something from an ex. The past is the past.

Anonymous · Answer

He has shown you that his word means nothing, his ex is still in his life, and you don't mean enough to take action. It appears people always know what they need to do but fear doing it. You will have what ever you put up with. But what can one expect when you do everything in the wrong order? Living in sin, sex before marriage, living together before commitment. It's all backwards. Who is the author of confusion...

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Her shoes and clothing gotta go. Ask home to send them to her by mail. Why does he have those? If she doesn’t want them throw them away. It’s clutter. But dressers and mirrors are furniture. He can still use them. Why not? You are over reacting on them.

osmanthus · Answer

Likely this guy is a narcissist. He wants to make you insecure so you'll move into his place and end up codependent so you'll end up his domestic slave and then discarded. He's nice now, sure, but I'd suggest staying away from this fuckboy.

maddieisfineasf · Answer

Honestly, You are not wrong for being insecure. I would be too. And you should say something and if your boyfriend doesn't respect your boundaries that's a big reason to leave.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Tbh he should hav returned her stuff unless she specifically said she didn't want tht anymore... n even then i dont think he shud be keeping... What are his reasons of not returning it?

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is a trivial thing to be insecure about.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Is he sort of storing the items and she is going to get them or did she abandon everything? Either way, espeially the clothing and such, should be boxed up at the least.

rienna888 · Answer

You aren’t being unreasonable at all, your feelings are valid. I feel so bad for you girl. Have you asked him if he’s over her?

Nerdvana · Answer

Have you asked him why he still keeps her stuff? Would he be ok, he you got rid of it?

RedInnocent69 · Answer

A little. But it also depends how cool her stuff is.

MasterKS · Answer

Be more practical, you doing typical jealous women!

HelpfulWoman · Answer

if he's said he would, then this is dodgy

WhitneySnow · Answer

That would bother me too

DrPepper12 · Answer

3 strikes and he's out!

Starrrboy · Answer

He dreams about her lol

Iron_Man · Answer

The Vikings take over

Maybeyoutoo · Answer

Get married

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