My boyfriend doesn't know my past. Does he have to?

Question

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

I personally prefer that my partner shares all of her past with me. I want a completely transparent relationship where I tell her everything I've done and she tells me everything she's done.

Contrary to what many "woke" people believe, your past does matter. If it doesn't, you might as well date a murderer or rapist, because you always forgive and forget and move on from the past, right?

I know that's a pretty extreme comparison, but cheating or sleeping around is part of who you are and the decisions you made in life. I don't want to be with someone who's made the decision to sleep around or cheat at any point of their lives.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Honesty is key to having a long lasting happy relationship , if he can’t handle your oast? Then he isn’t the guy for you period , keeping secrets can hurt you on the long run if he ever finds out you lied
To him , so you are best just to be honest with him and put it past you , your past is your past , I am sure there are Things he has done that he isn’t telling
You , so it’s better To find out the truth now before you waste years with someone that is lying to you

DanicaPhoenix · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, if you didn't actually have a physical relationship with them, I don't see the need to tell him everyone that has seen you naked. Now, they do have a good reason to worry about if someone you have been physical with had something they could get from you. For one reason or another, there has been a few guys that have seen me nude, but two that have managed to actually do anything with me. They both know about the other. Both were past relationships that ended due to their actions.

SweetDripp · Accepted Answer

The only things he "needs" to know from your past are things that impact your relationship with him. That being said, if you have things you feel the need to hide from him, you should consider whether or not he's the right person for a long term relationship.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you don't tell him, don't you need to worry about him learning from some other source in the future. Then he knows anyway AND you hid it from him. I don't think you owe him that disclosure unless you feel that he may be close to proposing to you.

ohsheeT · Answer

That's your choice and only your choice if you say no then say no and drop it leave it alone don't even go back to it he didn't know you in the past he fell in love with you because of who you are today in this moment if you were to tell him your past one day he'll throw it in your face so do you know his past all of it probably not and you don't need to because you did the same thing you fell in love with him the day that you did for who he is not who he was

mandyfire98 · Answer

If he only values your virginity then he doesn't truly value you. Just your vagina.

TheorionMage · Answer

Speaking strictly for myself, once you've decided to become committed... there should be no 'secrets' regarding especially past companions. Your S. O. should never have to be surprised by some stranger to them, revealing YOUR past intimate history.

Your past should be THE PAST. You're not 'that person' any more. N'est pas? For better or worse now,,, NO 'outsider' should have information they can use to extort your compliance against duplicity in your present relationship. ;)

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blueonblack22 · Answer

If he asks then tell him the truth. But if he doesn’t then don’t worry about it. Sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.

TBH of all the dirty secrets people have nowadays (and your no 18 year old) this one is very mild. I would have to imagine your boyfriend would rather have a virgin girlfriend who has sent nudes vs a non-virgin girlfriend who never sent nudes. I know I would prefer the former.

Also it is quite rare (and special) for a 27 year old woman to be a virgin. He’s lucky.

Red_Arrow · Answer

As you said, you are a virgin, so you meet that thing that he wants. If you have sent nudes to him, he knows you are not against sending nudes. But he may not be happy to know that you have shown your body to many guys. Don't bring that up, but do not lie if he asks that.

Are you an exhibitionist, is that the reason for sending nudes to lots of guys? Obviously you enjoy doing it, and I am sure the guys enjoy receiving them!

natured · Answer

A healthy relationship is only healthy when it's transparent, and I would not be able to see myself keeping secrets if I actually love that man.
What's in the past is in the past, if he loves you he will respect you and if he respects you he will tolerate whatever you did before you guys got together...

RebelinSteel · Answer

Is he dating you or your virginity. No one has a right to know our past, we share the bits we are happy to share. If someone asks about your past, tries to find out sexual history etc, then they are not really worth dating, for me it’s a red flag. The only history that matters is any that impact the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Lmaooo, im not staying a virgin for no idiot. For the load of porn addicted simpletons walking around today? In the modern world. Low Testosterone , Low IQ. Terrible genetics…

And I should reserve my virginity for one of them. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Bricealan · Answer

He doesn't have to but... I like to know my girlfriend's past sexual history... and not for the reasons you might think... I want her to be sexually experienced and know the difference between good sex and shitty sex and careless/selfish, small penisesd men! LOLOLOL 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️😂😂

SuchSightsToShowYou · Answer

Lying to your boyfriend is lying to your boyfriend.

Lying to your boyfriend to give him a false impression of who you are is... well, it's bad.

If your boyfriend ever finds out you lied about your past, he will know he can't trust you.

ohvanillalattegal · Answer

If he ask, it’s important to be honest. Someone holding their past hidden is obviously concerning and suspicious with guilt. A relationship requires openness and honesty while having to accept each others past and present. That’s love..

ProbablyClueless · Answer

You are a virgin... What benefit is there to telling him something like how many nudes you've sent?

And anyway, it sounds like this guy is constantly starting shit with you. Why would you intentionally give him more ammunition?

chrissykerdock · Answer

never tell him your life began the day you met him... regardless of what these people say he'll only use it against you and to humiliate you so don't tell him anything he shouldn't be asking

Nikki1989 · Answer

Absolutely NOT, and any guy that asks about your past is a walking red flag, anyway.

Kaamraj · Answer

He doesn't unless he asks. You can lie as you're not obligated to say the truth, but then if you're caught later might create some problems.

Mark987 · Answer

No not at all.. unless you sent sex videos or something over the top then maybe " yes". A lot of people send nudes.. especially in the past years.

quickquesocheese · Answer

your partner does not have to know everything about you.

lisafkit79 · Answer

It's ok and completely normal tell him only if you want to marry him or he is ready to confess his past too

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

If you ask me, the past doesn't matter. All that matters is who a person is today.

MicahRaine · Answer

It depends what your past is and if you're still connected to it in some way.

DextroShade · Answer

As long as you put out he probably wouldn't mind. The real problems start when you start being more prudish with him than you were with other dudes.

MrCharlie13 · Answer

Not in the beginning. Once your relationship progresses and you feel more comfortable around him to be yourself and you sense it will not be a problem, then you can tell him

Anonymous · Answer

Why would you have to tell him? Also, you're 27. Why are you asking this like you're 18 or something. Grow up.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

Past definitely matters. He deserves to know everything.

AydenHazor · Answer

How much he knows is up to you. You don't need to tell him anything about the past that you're not ready for him to know

rienna888 · Answer

to be honestly, there’s 0 reasons that’s a bad thing

Anonymous · Answer

You shouldn't mislead him or lie to him. It's not about what you did, its about misrepresenting who you are. You should share that information instead of him finding out years later.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Not at all. Our pasts are our pasts. What do you not want him to know about?

noohair · Answer

How bad can it be? Personally I don't care about the past. I care about the future.

art84 · Answer

Why tell him about you sending nudes to guys? He doesn't need to know that about you.

Brady · Answer

Let the past go n don't send nudes. What he doesn't no can't hurt him.

jahaims · Answer

Obviously base your whole relationship on lies. That always works out

krin_m · Answer

It should not matter at all, but if you are concerned, just talk to him and tell him the truth.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Well that happens. It’s ok. Everyone go through the same thing

Kathryn1993 · Answer

Only if he asks. Cause it be better if he finds out from you then someone else.

Rohaan2020 · Answer

I don’t think there’s any point bringing that up… it will only make him feel worse…

jjj101010 · Answer

U don’t have to discuss ur past with him if u don’t want to.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

BASICALLY EVERY GIRL HAS DONE IT AT LEAST ONCE. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

Apple1996 · Answer

He doesn't have to know this info

NathanDavis · Answer

that's for you to decide

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

No, not if you don’t live and respect him.

genericname85 · Answer

are you 27? that's expected then.

Iron_Man · Answer

He needs to know the truth

dougeats · Answer

not of his concern

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

I think I missed out..

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Don't tell your dark past , he will kick out

eagle1951 · Answer

i'd not say anything

TallAnon · Answer

How many is a lot?

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nope.

legalboxers · Answer

why should he

Walksbehindtherows · Answer

Yepp

My boyfriend doesn't know my past. Does he have to?

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