Is it bad to chase a man if you’re set having on him?

Question

I’ve been chasing the guy of my dreams for about 4 years now. We met first year of college and we’ve been friends for 2 of those years. He doesn’t like dating and he’s never been in a relationship or even on a date. He's incredibly shy and reserved which is why I haven’t given up. He moves at a slow pace when comes to anything romantic and it took a while to get close enough to him for there to be anything beyond platonic between us.

At times I feel desperate but I know he’a the one I want whether it lasts or not. We’re mutually interested in eachother now but not together but is it a bad sign that I’ve been I was the one pursuing him first and for so long? When I tell my friends about it they think I’m crazy for still pursing him but I feel he’s special and I want to see it though.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Have you directly told him you’re into him? If you have then the balls in his court and don’t waste your time. If you haven’t then just see what he says if he doesn’t give a clear answer or rejects you then balls in his court.

It’s been four years life is too short to waste time on people who frankly don’t want anything. If he genuinely is into your if you directly say I want to be with you and he says something along those lines then… For whatever reason the answer is no. You just have to take it as such.

I wish you well I know it’s hard because you care deeply for him. But you need someone who feels the same about you. Not that he can’t be your friend and you can’t help him when he does want someone. But….. now isn’t the time. If he said no. It’s just no

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've never met a guy yet who didn't want a connection on some level.

I had a woman chase me like this. This guy sounds a lot like me when I was your age. It's not that I didn't want a relationship, but I couldn't imagine this woman wanting a relationship with me. I felt like I was her lack of options, not choice. Luckily for both of us, she asked me out. Even then, it took a while for me to be convinced that she had chosen me and wasn't just using me to fill space until she found a more desirable man. Now, 20 years married and 3 kids later, we're still going strong.

Some guys need to be convinced not all, but some. I definitely was

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Given your description, you sound like an hopeless romantic, since I know, internally, why idealism can be misleading, I would ask you how much you talk with him in comparison to how much you fantasize on his personality and wishes. Because usually, the hopeless romantic is very good at focusing on the skies instead of gathering and sharing the right information. If you're avoiding that trap then you're really wise already :)

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Pursuing in general isn't bad, but I just want to caution you to make sure that you aren't on a wild goose chase. You want to make sure your pursuit actually ends with you and him together.