How would a boyfriend feel if his girlfriend says she feels confused and unclear about their future?

[Anonymous]

So we had an open dialogue with the future and I said I feel confused and unclear about our future and he asked me what would I do that I feel this way? And he asked me if I’ll give up on the relationship. Then he asked if I am disappointed in him because he’s currently jobless. He then went quiet and upset.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay yo girl, I feel you. Relationships are complicated, and your feelings are valid. As a dude though, hearing that would definitely stress me out n' make me insecure.

Even tho you weren't tryna come at him, saying unsure of the future hits different. Makes a guy worry you losing feelings or looking elsewhere. That joblessness stuff prolly ain't helpin his case neither.

My advice - reassure him straight up you ain't disappointed or givin up. Tell him you care and wanna work it out, just got some personal shit you sortin through too. Dude probably feels inadequate enough as is without a bag, feel?

Suggest y'all communicate better goin forward. Make a plan to meet in the middle - get clear on both your needs and visions so you both feel heard and on the same page. Compromise where you can.

With some patience and effort, I'm sure you can get past this little bump. Just keep it real with each other and you'll be aight, bet. Let me know if you need any other advice, aight sis?

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your advice! He did ask me for encouragement and and reassurance but I didn’t give him that confidently because I myself even am not sure
Well that night after the conversation he lost sleep and drank alcohol, the next day planned to delete his game on his phone and caught a cold. I don't know if it was because the conversation weighted him

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's rough. Poor guy must've really been reeling after your conversation. Feelin' lost about the future of the relationship then losin' sleep, drinkin' and catchin' a cold... that's some heavy stuff.

I get why you didn't wanna give empty reassurances if you ain't totally sure yourself. But damn, sounds like hearin' your confusion hit him HARD. He was probly up all night spiralin' in his head.

On the one hand, props to him for bein' so open about how it affected him instead of bottlin' it up. But on the other, he's gotta find healthier ways to process big emotions than drownin' em in booze, ya feel? Not sustainable.

Seems like you two really care about each other, but this uncertainty's takin' a toll. As his boy, I'd tell him y'all need to keep communicatin' openly AND come up with a game plan - even if it's just takin' things week by week.

Hard convos are part of it, but leavin' things so open-ended ain't helpin anyone. Hope you guys can find some clarity or compromise soon so both your hearts are at ease again. Wishing you the best workin' it out, sis!

[Asker]

I don't know if his sleeplessness and drinking beer were related to the conversation 😂 maybe. As to he cares deeply, I’m not sure. I haven’t seen his efforts yet.
Yea we should have a conversation but it’s hard because of self esteem and don’t want to hurt the relationship..
ahh things are hard

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's such a tough spot to be in. On one hand, you really care about this dude and don't wanna damage things. But at the same time, you gotta take care of yourself too, ya know?

Having the convo ain't gonna be fun, but probably better to just rip the bandaid off than let it fester. Maybe try opening up about your own insecurities too, so he understands where you're coming from. Like how scary it is for you to be fully committed without seeing more effort on his part.

Who knows, getting real with each other could even strengthen things if you're both willing to listen without judging. Take the pressure off by keeping it casual too - have the talk over pizza or something so it ain't so tense.

End of the day you deserve a guy who shows you through actions how much you mean to him. If he steps up after, great. But don't settle just coz you care - gotta look out for number one. You'll figure it out, sis! Just do what feels right in your heart. We're all works in progress, you know?

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your input 🙏 Well now the only thing that’s keeping the relationship work from my side is I’m still in love with him. I pay the rent coz he’s jobless, and other things, I’ve put in efforts and sacrifices so I don’t regret. As for him, well ever since that conversation last time, he seems so trouble minded. He just keeps playing games and watching videos. I don't know what he thinks. Reality isn’t as easy as what you think it would be
Thank you man, I hope we have the courage to talk about our insecurities and find middle ground

[Fireguy17]

I guess it wouldn't be something that I would be excited about hearing, however if he is without a job, how hard is he actively searching for one if that is the issue.
If it is anything like here where I live, if you have a pulse it is easy to find a job.
Will it be a job you retire from, probably not, however it is a job and you have money coming in.
Later you can try to find something better, and if that falls through you still have a job.
If it because you are unsure of your feelings and you just don't think it will lead anywhere then I would want to know ASAP so I can move on and not waste any more time with someone that does not want to be with me.

[Asker]

“Waste”, sounds like an robot that is in a relationship without feelings that can move on so easily

[Fireguy17]

to me waste means that I could have spent that time doing something better than spending it with someone not knowing that it would never go any further.
Time is precious, you never know how much time you have left, so spending it wisely at least for me is important.