Why would a guy be with me if I am not pretty enough for him?

[Anonymous]

I‘ve noticed that my boyfriend follows a lot of girls who are influencers and post dancing or sexy videos. It is making me very insecure, especially because most of them are Asian. I am not Asian. I usually get a lot of compliments and get approached by men a lot and also I am confident in myself, but this has been making me so insecure and I feel like I‘ll never be pretty enough for a guy, at least not for him. Should I stay in this relationship and try to get over it or is it not worth it?

[RavVid]

The insecurity is yours not his. Men simply like looking at women's bodies and it is hardwired in our reptilian sex brain.

If you move on your next boyfriend will like looking at other women's bodies too and the next and the next after that one.

All women have to accept her man is being a man in this. If he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't be with you and if he is interested in you then he is interested in all female bodies. The switch worked as intended at puberty.

It is not personal and you shouldn't take it that way. My sister points out girls she thinks my brother in law will like looking at. A good attitude. We like window shopping.

Sit down with your boyfriend and simply ask if he could try to hide it from you better. I think that is good manners and is what I do. A good thing about being taller than your girlfriend is you can look at other girls over her head without her knowing.

[Asker]

I get still being attracted to others but I think it‘s disrespectful to openly follow a lot of girls, flirt with them etc. unless the girlfriend makes it obvious that she doesn‘t care.

[RavVid]

Yeah I would agree.

[ClassicDropout]

Leave him. Plain and simple. If he's still doing that after he's in a relationship, he's not even mature enough to take it seriously.

[Asker]

should I not talk about it first and maybe he will change?

[ClassicDropout]

That's ultimately up to you. It really depends on how much you like him. I don't think i would stay with a girl if she was making me feel undesirable in that way. I think people can genuinely change, but only if they themselves want to.

[Asker]

I do like him but I‘m unsure if it‘s worth feeling this way. But then I also think maybe it‘s just my insecurity and I should get over it. idk…

[ClassicDropout]

Ah I am slightly pessimistic, so definitely don't put too much weight on my response. I think you should try approaching the subject at least and see how he responds

[Abbycado]

How do you know you aren’t pretty enough for him? That’s subjective.

[Asker]

I just feel like if I was prettier, if I was his dream woman, he wouldn’t still be looking at others

[Abbycado]

Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself.

[Asker]

Oh thank you! So do you think it‘s not a big deal that he is doing this?

[Still-alive]

You just gotta remember he's with you for a reason @asker he isn't with those other women. you should take comfort and confidence in that.

[Asker]

@Still-alive Thank you. But then why is he still liking a lot of their videos and they all look nothing like me

[Abbycado]

He isn’t going to get a shot at those girls. Also, boys will be boys hun. I’ve got one myself.

He gets the eye roll on occasion. Trust me. It’s all good. I know he is mine.

[Asker]

I understand but it‘s making me feel insecure that they are literally all Asian girls

[Abbycado]

He wouldn’t be with you. People got fetishes that they never act on. Might be his “thing”. Talk to him.

[Asker]

I will. thank you!! If you don‘t mind me asking, does your boyfriend also follow a lot of girls on instagram? Is that normal? My last boyfriend didn‘t do this at all so I never felt insecure. and this makes me feel not pretty enough and I‘m unsure if this relationship is worth feeling this way.

[Abbycado]

He doesn’t much but he’s not much into social media. He’s a cutie so count me lucky.

[Asker]

don‘t you think I should maybe also find a guy like that?

[Abbycado]

If that really bugs you and it is a hang up for you then yes, I do. The thing is if you can’t get past it and feel insecure.

That’s no way to go through a relationship.

[slatyb]

How does he treat you? Does he compare you to others?

[Asker]

No. he tells me i‘m very pretty

[slatyb]

Worry about how he is with you and not what he chooses for entertainment. I read some pretty spicy fiction but I don't want to make it happen. Of course you may reasonably worry if you suspect he's intimate with other women.

[Asker]

I know he‘s at least a bit flirting when he goes out with his friends.

[slatyb]

It sounds like you are feeling insecure in the relationship. That is a problem. Can you talk to him about it? Maybe talk to a trusted friend?

[paledreams]

Some guys be players lol 😆

[Anonymous]

Ever heard of "pigging"?

[Asker]

no what‘s that?