Do women typically date what they perceive as a match in appearance?

[Anonymous]

I ask because one time my then girlfriend told me usually people date people who somewhat match in appearance, she claims to have dated me for my personality and claimed I was a really good guy and when I made myself completely open and vulnerable to her. Some of those same traits why she claimed to date me were what she used against me saying we weren’t compatible and that she wanted to find someone else

Updates

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Appreciate opinions

[Zack-Bann]

Success at anything’s in life comes down to the perception of control


You wanna be CEO of your company?
You don’t show weakness or complain about things you just do the work and maintain the perception that you know what you’re doing


You want a healthy relationship?
You maintain the fact that you have life under control and that when things get tough you don’t weep and complain but instead face the hardships head on


That will show your girlfriend that she’s following someone down a path he’s got under control and he knows where he’s going.
That’s comforting.


But when you go out of your way to “be vulnerable” you will just create uncertainty and she will eventually resent you for it


It might not be fair, but it’s the only path to success: do with that what you will.

[Asker]

But then if you aren’t vulnerable then you are classified emotionally unavailable

[Zack-Bann]

The secret is to do both
Be emotionally available but with a positive connotation not a negative one which is plain vulnerability

And im not saying its easy

My ex did me the same way yours dod you. It takes trial and error to get it right

[Purpleronnie]

“Match in appearance” , not sure what you’re getting at here. The obvious answer is NO at least in basic General terms because men don’t look anything like women.


Maybe you meant the standard of appearance , then I may be inclined to agree with you but that’s not always true either as attraction isn’t always based on “appearance”


Matching may be truest at a personality level even though they say “opposites attract” the nature of people really have to align in my opinion.


Hope that helps?

[ChillNsweet32]

Do men still find most women to be out of their league once the make-up comes off is the better question lol

Mine loves me without all the makeup and I think he's so handsome even on a bad day so lucky me

[Asker]

I honestly was looking at her personality there has to be substance but I turned out to be wrong about her cause she said i wasn’t on her level looks wise and I was boring

[Asker]

This girl also came from a previous relationship that was abusive

[ChillNsweet32]

Sorry things didn't work out for you, I'm sure you'll find a good match someday

[Asker]

Not likely I’m probably done looking to be honest I really don’t have the date around mindset and with how this crashed and burned it left a really bad taste in my mouth

[mandyfire98]

"Do women typically date what they perceive as a match in appearance?"

My boyfriend is black and I'm white. I wouldn't say that's really a match in appearance.

[Asker]

No she meant in terms of like actual looks like she stated usually people around the same rating wise

[mandyfire98]

The problem is that even with attraction it's subjective ultimately. So I might find a man really hot but somebody else might think that I'm way out of that person's League or the other way around.

[Asker]

So basically I’m never gonna be able to understand this and probably not date

[mandyfire98]

You can't quantify how people ultimately view things because it's not an exact science. Everybody is different and sees things differently. It's not as easy as she's hot, he's hot, they should date each other.

It's more of a chemistry thing. Doesn't mean you should quit dating altogether.

[Asker]

That’s the thing being on the autism spectrum it’s extremely confusing

[mandyfire98]

Dating will certainly be more difficult for you but not impossible

[Asker]

Yeah I don’t have the social skills to carry me in dating so I have to rely on situations that place me near women that want to be around me. More often then not those situations don’t happen

[mandyfire98]

I mean that's why not being able to be social is definitely against you. Socializing is extremely important in dating.

If a guy doesn't show interest in me. I just think he's either not interested or taken.

[Asker]

My relationship that i had which ended last year was strictly by chance I got paired with her at work. She ultimately wanted a relationship that led to marriage so did I however she didn’t like the prospect of the children potentially being autistic and she also didn’t feel I was on her level looks wise

[mandyfire98]

It just wasn't a good match unfortunately. That happens sadly

[Asker]

The thing is I was absolutely devestated so that was my first relationship at 29 and even before that I didn’t feel like it would happen due to my lack of social skills and how that just fell into place seemed perfect for someone autistic this isn’t likely to happen again and finding a girlfriend online is the same as in person due to lack of social skills and not always knowing what to say

[mandyfire98]

I'm sorry you have trouble socializing. It really isn't fair. It makes things so much harder.

[Asker]

I haven’t been able to process how I should move forward she easily moved on and got into another relationship. The relationship itself became a special interest for me. I’m not sure if know about how special interests impact people on the spectrum but they invest everything into them. The structure and routine as well so when everything changed with the breakup it also negatively impacted me

[mandyfire98]

Relationships definitely become part of the routine. It's definitely hard to get used to not doing what you were used to.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Is your boy handsome?

[mandyfire98]

He's very handsome

[AnonAndrew]

Most people end up with someone around their own level of attractiveness, yes.

[ProbablyClueless]

Not really. You have to remember that what women find physically attractive isn't generally the aesthetic stuff that we like.

[In_Trance]

Because that's all they have until they get to know each other

[beefcakebradybatson]

Women generally date less attractive (compared to them) men.

[Anonymous]

If they're smart. Some women want to punch above thier weight and then they pay for it.

[Sabrina_Caleri]

I'll Just Say NO