If the girl has to be the one to ask for exclusivity, is the relationship more likely to be doomed than successful?

[Anonymous]

I've never been in a relationship, but I always felt like the guy should be the one to initiate this conversation rather than the girl, since the question is essentially an ultimatum. So if the girl asks the guy to be exclusive, he can't say no or ask to wait because she would just leave (or sense the hesitation and commitment issues from a guy who wants to "wait", then leave) and so he has to say yes so he doesn't lose her, even if their desire for exclusivity isn't aligned.

Am I wrong to think this?

[Lliam]

I'd say no. It wouldn't necessarily doom a relationship. It depends on the guy.

A guy who's a player or wants to keep shopping around; who just want sex and no commitment, might show his true colors by balking or fast talking.

But other guys will be impressed by your values and by the fact that you are picky. You're not just after hook ups and quick thrills. You want a meaningful, infatuated, exclusive, monogamous relationship. And they will be honored by the fact that you would consider having such a relationship with them.

Some guys are looking for the same thing. Girls like you are keepers.

[Anonymous]

I’d say you’re wrong in the sense that this mindset is exclusive to men. Everything you’ve said can easily be applied to a woman as well and with the way gender norms work these days, women are asking men out too.

[Asker]

Yeah but men statistically have a habit of being noncommital and avoidant

[Opinion Owner]

What applies to one man won’t necessarily apply to the next, if at all. On one hand I do think that a woman asking out a man can be a big indication that he’s noncommittal. But at the same time her initiating that conversation can also be about clarity more than anything. An ultimatum would be a woman saying that if he doesn’t enter a relationship with her then it’s all over. A lot of times unfortunately that isn’t the case. I see women on this very site talk about staying friends with men after confessing a crush to a guy and being rejected. Men are usually good about their boundaries, and if they don’t want a relationship then it’s not going to happen and a fuckboy won’t worry about an ultimatum, he will find another woman in due time. Women on the other hand, our emotions rule a lot of our decision making and keep us in the wrong situations all the time. I feel like a woman would be less likely to present an ultimatum if she’s afraid of losing him.

[Asker]

Ah I see! makes a lot of sense

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆