No woman will give me a chance, what am I doing wrong?

[Chillguy53]

I have been approaching girls at the mall and i have got rejected by 42 girls and still no success.

I’m 5’7 and i have good hygiene and i get haircuts and groom myself, i have a dad bod or an average build.

I don’t think i’m ugly, maybe i am i can't believe that i’m still a virgin and i’m almost 21.

I am very worried i will be a virgin forever and i’m not a virgin by choice.

Updates

1 y

I am approaching average looking girls too

[Cormac995]

Ok so I've been where you are and frankly a big part of it is basically love and dating is dead. Why meet someone in public and forge a bond when you can get laid by anyone you want on tinder. it's a 3-5 to 1 ratio of men to woman on those apps so they get to be as picky as they want. Dating is also incredibly expensive. If you're even average looking or even a six, you're at a massive disadvantage.

Social media killed Romance. These days the only place it's socially acceptable to approach a random stranger and strike up a conversation and bars are a bad place to meet stable people who would make a good partner.

Also speaking from experience being a virgin is not a big deal at all. I know that's easy to say as someone who has had sex, but I didn't lose my V card until I was twenty-five and used to think the same way but in reality, losing your V card to someone you don't love deeply is worse than being a virgin.

The one and only time I had sex I was on the rebound from getting dumped and was awful and the date from hell if you could even call it a date. She was rude and kept talking about her miscarriage and her ex she broke up with who "blammed" himself if you catch my drift and how she would rather be with him even though she dumped him.

The sort of a suedo relationship me and my kinda ex had was complicated. where she openly admitted she loved me, but she also couldn't get herself to function and be comfortable around me because she has some of the worst trust issues I've ever seen and frankly I get it with her life.
I guess you could call it a sort of a platonic Romance. We both said I love you and I reached out, but she couldn't let me in. We talked every day and flirted a lot and even had pet names and stuff but there was this barrier that kept it locked in a certain place and the relationship couldn't grow.

That was how I learned sex is overblown and over hyped in our society I wish I was still a virgin honestly, I have massive regrets, and my sex drive is dead now. Also, unfortunately if you look at the statistics fewer people than ever are getting into relationships and even fewer are getting married than ever before in American history and many other countries too.

Standing out above other guys has gotten a lot harder than it used to be too thanks to dating apps and social media. Simply put if you're average or even a bit above, your odds are crap from a basic math perspective for the majority of men these days.

90% of the woman on tinder are going to take one look at you and if your not at least a seven they'll swipe left and often times even the people who talked to me never even bothered to read my bio before they swiped right when they did which was like 1 or 2 girls a week at best and the pattern was basically, try to start a conversation, send 3-5 messages in total between the two of us back and forth and then suddenly get ignored not receiving a response completely ghosted and you didn't even have time to do more than ask how her day was.

I'm not even kidding this happened so many times I lost count. Furth most of the time they barely even say anything most of my conversations ended after three replies and they we're almost never more that one sentence long and one word responses we're super common. It's infuriating Trying to date right now is basically playing a rigged game.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Jesus... You're approaching people in the mall and shit. Holy fuck bro.

More balls than me. I stay to myself and let chicks come to me. I figure my success rate will be less detrimental if the only people approaching me are interested to begin with and with the guts to approach a guy that doesn't give a fuck. I put forth gym effort, get some muscle...

Me

But that's it. I have 0% game and at 5'10" it's not like I'm all that glamorous. But I do know I'm not extremely ugly because I got a 9.5% to a 9.9% on Hotornot. com...

So I never had problems getting laid... I think. To be honest I only fucked hookers from age 20 to like 26 years of age.

So it should be obvious that I'm telling you where I stand in the sexual market place and I want you to compare yourself to me realistically. Why am I getting pussy all the time when you don't? You'll have to answer that question. I don't cold approach shit... I sit back, look cool and women keep trying to get in my pants. I have no problem online either. Only a couple or a few inches taller than you. So compare yourself to me... is it the gym work? Style? I doubt that because I just dress for hiking at all times, I have no style.

Personally, I would stop that shit of moving up on chicks in the mall... that shit is rapey and I'd expect to get rejected that much. Start being a product that sells itself where it doesn't matter where you go, you got chicks trying to sleep with you for no reason. Men that have to talk to convince a woman to want to fuck are already doing it wrong in my opinion. Plus those guys that go on the attack for women to lay seem to always find crap women that they don't want in long term scenarios. Make them come to you.

[Chillguy53]

Your right maybe i should go to the gym

[D_Bone_Steak]

It's a really good choice in my opinion. You hit the gym hard and then all of a sudden all your friend's hawt girlfriend's try to sleep with you and then you have to make ethical decisions. Don't do it... don't stoop to that level... there is more fish in the sea.

[emeraldsaphire]

If you approached me a the mall and asked me out, I don't care how hot you are that's gonna be a big no. If I'm going to the mall I'm going their to shop, not meet guys. How many of those girls were even single or wanting a partner? Go to social events, clubs, bars meet and greets, try a dating app. Don't just cold call random girls at the mall. And what are you saying to them? Are you striking up a conversation? Or just complementing them?

[Cormac995]

@emeraldsaphire I agree that the mall is a bad place to do that but there's a few things you said I have some issues with your take. One I don't know where you live or what your home is like but for a lot of people the social clubs and stuff aren't an option. In a lot of places including my town thre really isn't anywhere that approaching a stranger is acceptable except a bar and bars are a terrible place to meet stable people who will be good relationship material man or woman it doesn't matter.

You can't even try to talk to someone or strike up a conversation in a coffee shop anymore because people are like "Why are you talking to me weirdo? I don't know you and you just started talking to me? Again this is true for men and woman we think it's weird too on our end often times but that's not the way it should be. Everyone is stuck on their phones, and nobody meets people in public or organically anymore they just stare at their phone all the time.

So that's when I tried those dating apps and it's a nightmare. Everyone on there is just looking to bone or their bio is so nasty it scares you away when you read it. Most of the girls I talked to sent either one-word replies, or a small 5-7 word reply constantly. Often times I only got like three replies before they went silent, and I never heard a thing again and I hadn't even had a chance to ask how her day was let alone say anything offensive or rude.

Also, on those dating apps it varies by app but on the low end it's 3 men for every 1 woman on them and on the average end it's more like 5 guys to 1 girl. Woman on dating apps can be as picky as they want average guys don't really stand a chance most of the time on dating apps. For the most part both men and woman swipe left the moment they see you're not a 7 or better.

[emeraldsaphire]

@Cormac995 I live in a small city that feels more like a small town. We don't have a lot of stuff here, but you can find churches, and facebook groups. Meetups. com is also an option. Yeah it's not easy to find stuff but you can. And yeah Dating apps are stacked against men. That doesn't mean it's hopeless. My boyfriend is no model in fact he's obese and works in retail. I met him... Well it was at an adult meet up. And yet I feel for him. You gotta be a little Delulu when dating.

[Cormac995]

In my experience he's the exception not the rule. I spent 2 years trying dating apps and it was just the exact experience I had the entire damn time. Also, at a certain point it starts to feel kind of dehumanizing when you realize your whole existence is being summed up by how you look before they even talk to you. I hate the apps it feels like it's nothing but horny men and horny woman being a** holes. At least it was that way for the 2 years I spent trying to use them.

[IslaTheWitch]

if you do everything the same every time... the result won't change too...

[Chillguy53]

so do i likely need to change how i approach girls?

[IslaTheWitch]

or change something in yourself? like, work on your insecurities? or change which girls you approach, when you do it, where you do it, why you do it...

[Summeroflove]

Looking to loose your virginity and looking for a real relationship are different. Don’t focus on the superficial girls they aren’t worth your time. The ones genuinely looking for something though aren’t looking to just sleep around.

What kind of girls are you approaching?

[hahahmm]

The simplest advice I can give you is, figure out what kind of man you want to be -- that has nothing to do with women at all. Only think about the parts that have nothing to do with that. Become that guy. Become the kind of guy you think you would kill to become. When you start to become that guy you will have real confidence.

Are you the type who falls easily for a woman? Then it's super important that you don't fall for the wrong woman so count yourself lucky that they aren't running to you now.

[Chillguy53]

are you saying to give up on girls entirely?

[hahahmm]

Put it on pause. Right now you are like the boxer who loses 100% of matches in the first 5 seconds of every match and I'm telling you what you can do so that one day you are winning like 90% of the matches YOU CHOOSE. But it's up to you.

[WindAtMyBack]

You are approaching girls at the mall. Of course you are getting rejected. Don't cold approach girls at the mall or anywhere else.

Find legitimate ways to meet them. There are a thousands ways/places to do that. Then you have a legitimate reason to talk to them. If things go well, THEN you can see if they want to date.

If you are watching pick-up-artist videos, forget that nonsense. You are not them. They are good looking, and have a lot of "game" and practice. They are also good at scoping out likely candidates. Plus they don't show you the hundreds or even thousands of rejections they get.

Forget about virginity. You are putting the cart before the horse. Meet them. Date them. THEN you can maybe move on to sex.

Bottom line is that you are going about it entirely wrong. Don't cold approach at the mall. Just don't do it.

[slatyb]

Approaching at the mall? Of course that isn't working. How many unrelated women do you greet by name? When you get that number to about 20 you won't have any trouble getting dates. Also have you tried online?

[Chillguy53]

i haven’t tried online yet

[slatyb]

Hitting on women at the mall is creepy.

[Anonymous]

Wrong tact.

Ridicule them! The ones that don't get mad are the ones you set your sights on. They're the ones that want your approval. And when I say ridicule them. I don't mean in a mean spirited way. Laugh while doing it. So it's like a joke that everybody is in on but them.

[Chthou95]

Word of advice. Remove the anon feature next time. As for your question. I don't know know. It could be your looks, your personality etc. Bad luck can be a factor too

[Anonymous]

I wonder the same, I have the same issue but I'm more than twice your age, and still a virgin.

[Chillguy53]

I think it’s the way i come across that’s why im a virgin at 20

[Chillguy53]

meaning i come across as nervous and insecure when talking to girls

[Opinion Owner]

Me too, I'm very shy.

[Chillguy53]

If i get up to 60 rejections im paying for an escort

[Chillguy53]

if i do lose my virginity to a girl for free, i would never make fun of someone for being a virgin. I realize how difficult it is because most girls only want greek looking gods.

[Opinion Owner]

You're totally right, it's not easy to be a virgin at that age, I know how you feel.

[Anonymous]

42?

Do you keep a diary of this BS?

[Chillguy53]

i have to, cause i told myself i would pay for an escort if i get to 100 rejections