Break up or not?

[Anonymous]

So I am in an exklusive dating with a guy who is 30 and I am 22. We ve been dating since October 2024.

I feel like there are some issues between us and also there are some problems on my part that I feel like may cause this relationship to end.

A month ago, I asked how he feels about me and if we could be girlfriend and boyfriend, but he said he is not read.

He says he likes me, and we do go on some dates every time we meet. But I feel like he is mostly interested in sex. Why do things that are done in a relationship but not want to have a relationship? Is it commitment issues or he just doesn't love me?

by the way we live in different cities so we visit each other. Like taking turns.

I want to love and to be loved deeply, but I feel like he does not love me and my feeling for him are decreasing, maybe because I am dissapointed. And for me, feelings is what makes me continue a relationship, which mean it's more important for me than sex.

I feel so insecure because of a lot of things

- that he does not show enough care. For example when he talks about his problems, I pay attention, care for him and solve them together. But when I talk about my problems, he just say it's gonna be alright and good night. No more comfort/care or whatever.

- he forgot my birthday

- I feel like he just is dating me as a second option just because other girls have not chosen him

- that my university grades are not so great right now and my family use me now and then.

- a lot of things has happened lately that makes me question myself, my relationship and my family. I see negativity more that positivity. I don't know if I am starting to become depressed.

I am a bit naive I guess.

I am thinking if I should break up with him because I don't feel loved the way I want or if I just should wait and see how it goes first and then decide.

I am also tired of dating and relationship that waste my time and feelings. I am tired of being used just for being kind. People treat me as an idiot and naive.

BREAK UP

DON'T BREAK UP

[ohsheeT]

Well don't get depressed with everything you don't need to do that the reason why you're feeling down is because down deep you're smarter than you realize and you already know the outcome of this do you need to pay attention to those feelings because they are telling me things


First of all everything you said about the guy you're right I hate to say it but you're right..

Because the first thing is you just get together with somebody in October and he forgets your birthday that's crazy he should have had that going through his mind 2 weeks before your birthday and had some sort of plans take you some place and do something great with you something that you would always remember so that's a strike right there against him

And then she feels that he only wants sex when he's with you that's another strike against him

Because I would say that you're probably right if that's what you feel because he's not showing you anything else

And then that the third strike is when you talk about your problems if he cannot sit there and listen to you and say well think about it this way or why don't you try this or that or just communicate to you about them so there's three strikes


Those are also three red flags and I mean you sound like you really want this to happen and work and I don't want to be able to break your heart but I mean down deep I think you already know what you have to do

Man I'm sorry that you feel like you're being used. With him and with your family because when you're with somebody that you love I mean it's supposed to be the most beautiful feeling in the world and it really should be I mean he's making you feel different things that you should not feel and he should be able to see that in your eyes just when he communicates to you so that is four strikes

Nobody can tell you what to do but I think you would be happier in the long run
To just let go. Find yourself again help your family out get back on track

And I know what you mean about the dating thing I hate dating I'd rather just be spontaneous and go do something then it's just everything seems to work better that way but it's the same time he should be there for you and he's not and I can see where you are for him

[Asker]

You sound so logical. I guess it's hard to accept the truth even when I can see it in front of me or know the truth

[ohsheeT]

Well everybody wishes and dreams you know you have something right now and you don't want to let it go and blah blah blah so you're willing to stick it out a little longer blah blah blah and you're just going to get hurt . . If he truly likes you and truly was being straight up about it he would bend over backwards to make it easy for you he would have been over backwards to take you out for your birthday then something for your birthday my goodness..
And I can guarantee you right now he's a wham bam thank you man type of guy he's only going to think about himself and not you

I don't know if you guys have had sex or made love but I mean if you have did he look deep into your eyes did you read the color of your cheek the way you breathe the way you moan the way you move to hear what you were saying without saying one word did he make it all about you or was he wham bam and he was done and over with

With everything that you said that he either is doing or not doing he's telling you something throughout all of that
I mean if you want to be honest about it

You didn't care about your birthday because he didn't want to spend any money

The only wants to have sex and doesn't want to spend any money

You want you to listen to him and make it all about him because that's a manipulation

And if you can't be there for you when you're communicating then why are you there with them I mean you sound like you're a prize you sound like you have a good heart and you don't need to get it broken just to find out something that you already know down deep I hate to be talking to you like this but I mean like I said you sound like you have a good heart you don't need to settle

[Asker]

I will think it more true and talk with him about it tonight and see the outcome. But I ll need to prepare and and not get swayed to accept to little or to belittle myself. I will try to think of what I want and what I deserve

[Asker]

Thanks

[ohsheeT]

Well it kind of sounds like you already have your mind made up and. I mean it is up to you but you need to love yourself more because you really do have it going on and he has to see that if I can see it just by what you wrote and feel it from what you wrote and he gets to look into your eyes he has to know what you're all about. Sometimes I feel people think they can just change people and it really isn't like that I mean when a guy is head over heels for you he will show you he will prove it to you by everything he says and does

[Asker]

You have a point

[ohsheeT]

. Yes I know and I can feel who you are your words paint a picture and your energy face picture and I'm just thinking myself. She's going to allow this guy to keep doing what he's doing and she's going to end up being hurt. And to me that just sucks I mean it's not written in stone and just because I think something doesn't mean that I'm right but I need your right and everything you said you can feel the truth in it you can feel what you want to do in it but it's the same time not going to allow yourself to do it LOL is what it seems like but I mean it's none of my business I just can tell that you're a really good person you're probably very good looking you have it together and you just deserve better

[Asker]

I will try, can't promise much. But I will do my best to try to make the outcome to be good for me... For once. Unfortunately I am not very smart when it comes to love

[ohsheeT]

Well I think you're smarter than you give yourself credit for because you ask this question

And you asked it for a reason

[Asker]

Well sometimes when you can't see clear and think that you might be going crazy, it beast to ask others too for their opinion. They my have a better understanding than me

[Cormac995]

If you really, really like him and don't want to let go tell him you need a committed relationship or you walk away. If he says he's not ready leave him, he's already strung you along much longer than he should of. It's rude exploitative and inconsiderate of your feelings and wellbeing he also sounds like a douche in general. My recommendation is dump him but if you're really that attached give him the ultimatum first. Normally I don't say this but in your case with how long you've been waiting you're well with in your rights to say "Pick me or I walk."

[Asker]

I ll think about it seriously 😣

[Cormac995]

He sounds emotionally and kind of sexually abusive to me. If you know a woman loves, you but you refuse to reach back but also want to sleep with her you're a piece of shit using a woman as an object. In my option and someone should kick his ass and teach him a lesson about respecting other people.

[Asker]

I will really consider your opinion seriously

[Zack-Bann]

Two main points:


LDRs never work, true love cannot flourish on the weekend or meeting once a month.


And 2, why would he buy the cow if he gets the milk for free.
You made sex too accessible too soon and now he doesn’t feel like he should bother building anything he’s already getting all that can ask for

[Flower7]

If he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, he’s not truly interested in you. If you have been having sex with him, that’s most likely the only reason that he keeps you around.

[MissTrix]

If your asking then yes! With all those yes please break up!

[QuietRunner]

at 22 you should find another guy