Why does my fiancé continue to make jokes like this?

[Latayshia122]

We have been together two years now and I can’t help but notice that he makes certain jokes that really hurt and offend me. He says sorry but it seems he cannot help himself. I’m a black female and my fiancé is white. I’ve never looked at race being together. He keeps making jokes calling me, “black on the outside and white on the inside.” or saying “you’re the whitest black woman I’ve ever met.” and “you’re a white woman with an ethnic name.” When I ask him why he says it’s because of the way I talk and behave and then will compare me to and make jokes of the “stereotypical” type of black women he’s seen or come across. I’m the first black woman he’s been with between.

[ChicoFromThe305]

He's probably used to a lot of rachet black women, this is basically the way some people describe a non rachet black woman, I'm actually guilty of doing this as well at some point but it's not meant to offend, it's just the easiest way to let someone know what type of black woman you've encounted, it not meant to make you feel any less of a black woman just an easier way for non blacks to describe the type of black woman without describing her fully like, good attitude, well educated, carries herself well, respectful, etc, it's easier to say it's one of them more white black chicks and people would be like oh yea I know what you mean, it basically means not rachet without using the word rachet.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Him saying that I already know what type of black woman you are, I would assume you match the description I said up there, you must be aware that this doesn't mean these people see you any less or question your culture.

[Latayshia122]

Yes, the description explains it all. Thanks for the opinion. Sadly, I was ridiculed at times growing up , judged and singled out. By a few friends, family members and even some men I’ve dated because my personality wasn’t that of the stereotypical black person. And to make matters worst I’m introverted so some people have always seemed offended or uncomfortable with that.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well my advice would be to take it as a compliment, that of course if there's no racism involved, which I'm sure you'll be able to pick up if there was, if it's all love then take it as a compliment, it means you are acknowledged for being who you are and it has nothing to with race but personality, haters are gonna hate but it's good to be aware of the difference between hate and acknowledgement towards your personality and your character, let it fuel you.

[ChiTown33]

How much of an issue have you made of it? Because you're saying it hurts you but have you properly vocalized that? He might erroneously think this is playful teasing. He's never been black a day in his life and he cannot identify with that no matter how much he may love you. And as you said you're the first black woman he's been with. Sometimes we have to teach people how to treat us.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m willing to bet y’all do some kind of slaveplay in the bedroom. I wouldn’t marry that if you’ve been dating less than 5 years.

[Loki97]

Probably because it’s rare U. S. white guys come across an educated black person who’s not trying to keep good culture alive, we have white people who do the same and it’s just trashy. So yes an association can be built. Not saying it should it’s just a misconception on his part

[es20490446e]

Exaggerate further what he says.

“black on the outside and white on the inside.” Cause I'm like a cake.

“you’re the whitest black woman I’ve ever met.” Soon I will become Michael.

“you’re a white woman with an ethnic name.” My second name is Makeba.

[slatyb]

You told him how you feel. He hasn't changed his behavior. Are you willing to live with this behavior for the next forty years?