Does my boyfriend like his female friend or am I paranoid?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we went through a lot and marriage talk is on the table (we are early 30s). He has a female friend that he has known for many years, they don’t see each other often but I wonder if I’m paranoid. She is married with kids now but has always been “the cool girl who is accomplished”. He tried to move 3 times to her city (she has moved over the years for better career/family etc), convincing me it is a better option too (and they are in some ways). I felt he is comparing me to her. During one group dinner with friends, we talked about ring and he grabbed her hand to look at her ring, then told me how great of a pick it is. To add the cherry on top of everything, the waiter thought she was his wife when he came take our order (there were a table full of people and can be hard to tell). Since she is married I don’t think they are ever possible but it still makes me paranoid. She is cute but I think I’m better looking objectively, so I also don’t want to come off pathetic and jealous for no reason. Does he like her and should I address it?

Yes he secretly likes her

No way

[abbyjgriffin98]

I'm very sorry to hurt your feelings, but if a man really loved you, he would not do that to you. Especially if other people have noticed how close he is with her compared to you. How did they respond when the waiter thought they were married? Did they act giddy and flattered or awkward and uncomfortable? Also, it's not always looks that make a man cheat. It could be history or emotional/sexual chemistry. I'm going to tell you a story, and it's going to be very long. My ex-boyfriend and I were very serious. We weren't married, but he bought me a promise ring and we were going to move to Seattle together. He had this ex-girlfriend. Ironically, we used to go to high school together. I don't mean to be rude, but no logical person would think she was cuter than me. And I'm not being biased, because my ex even told me he'd never break up with me because he would never get anyone more beautiful than me. But he shared car insurance with her, adopted a dog with her and even used to live with her and her parents. She was also much more sexually experienced than me. He told me nothing was going on but he said if I tried to reach out to her, he'd leave me. One day, he was sick so I decided to swing by and bring him some medicine on my way to work. I worked 10 hour grave shifts at a company an hour away from home. He told me I could only go after 7pm after his parents left. He said his parents were dropping off some pho for him. He also asked if I could do a load of laundry for him because he didn't want to get his parents sick. His apartment didn't have a washer and dryer so he did his laundry at his parents' house. So I took him the medicine picked up his laundry and went to work. When I got home, I stayed up long enough to place his laundry in the dryer before going to bed. When I went to lay down, I heard my sister yelling for me. I asked her what was wrong and she asked me, "Who's Samantha?" In the dryer, a credit card was displayed through the glass of the dryer with the name "Samantha" on the front. Samantha was his ex-girlfriend. There's no doubt in my mind that she was the one who bought him pho and when she found out I was going to do his laundry, I'm about 99.9% sure placed her credit card into his laundry. And I should thank her for that because I was only a month away fron dropping my job, my family and my friends to move to Seattle with a cheater. After the denial wore off, I finally broke up with him. And when I retrieved my belongings from his apartment, I saw a random woman's g-string mixed in with my clothes. Moral of the story, if a man is close with another woman, it's usually not platonic.

[Flower7]

He does because he shouldn’t be trying to move to her location.

[Summeroflove]

I can’t read his mind but your concerns are completely valid I do think communication is key every relationship has insecurities but at the same time if you’re getting a bad gut feeling that something more could be going on. I also think going too long without marrying can be a red flag as well.

As much of a red flag as it is for someone rushing marriage so is stalking it out too long where someone basically wastes years of someone’s life trying to find someone else to marry but keeps someone there just in case nothing else works out. NOT saying that’s what he’s doing and marriage is a HUGE decision that can take years I fully understand that.

But if you feel deep down something more is going on and if you casually bring up your feelings in a very respectful and act like a adult. If he gets too overly defensive that could be a red flag. I can understand being defensive if someone stares making false accusations but you need to bring up how you feel.

Another thing is if he’s making comments. If they seem almost too close or a bad gut feeling. Unfortunately being married doesn’t mean anything anymore some people aren’t loyal and while you may be a loyal person. Many people assume nothing could be going on because someone’s married just to find out there was something again NOT accusing either one of them. It could be a one sided obsession if there is one.

Having friends of the opposite sex is okay so long as there isn’t romantic and/or sexual lines being crossed. It takes a open conversation about how you feel and then allowing him a chance to speak. The only issue is if he gets overly defensive. Gaslights. Starts calling you paranoid when you’re not even accusing him of anynring. But it seems trust is falling apart and if you do get married even if nothing is going on. This could cause MAJOR issues.

[Menace69]

Far be it for me to say it but they ain’t friends you should address this, there is no such thing as men and women just being friends eternally. Either it’s symbiosis or parasitism.
(lighted matchstick and firecracker next to each other waiting for inevitable to happen it’s not matter of if it’s just when)

[wkhan_87]

This is every women's issue, just cope with it very maturally.