Why would a woman hang out with a previous friend/ intimate partner who is toxic?

[vman1988]

I been seeing a woman for about two years now she lives in California and I live in Texas. I’m originally from California So I go a couple months over there to visit friends and family. When I do I spend time with her intimatly We have grown close together, talking about our lives and things that have happened in our lives. We have also had The talk about a relationship, but it wouldn’t be fair to us because of our distance, but we Agreed that if we were closer, it would things would be different. now I understand that we’re not together and it makes sense that if She Where to go out or hang out with somebody I really have no authority or say in it, but we do talk almost every day. Here’s where things get a little confusing there’s this guy Who has like two baby mamas and kids with them apparently they had a relationship, not officially, but they were together at one point before me. She had a miscarriage from him, and he was always displaying jealous behavior and almost put her life at risk of an accident because he was being dumb, trying to show off in his car he also would show up to her apartment unannounced and while she was sleeping like literally go in There, these are conversations we had about the whole situation. she stopped talking to him for a while because of all the negativity and how he is and his behavior, but just recently she started again. No, I’ve noticed quite a few things she was sharing her location with me I didn’t ask her, but I noticed she would turn off location services when she’d go with him. And now it’s completely off after a week. She also used to have my messages on read receipts and she turned that off as well, so I reciprocated I never shared my location as we were never official, but I started noticing patterns and behaviors that whenever she does go with him, she doesn’t answer or she turned off the location services now I just find it odd that even though this guy is such a bad person why is she bringing him back in her life

Updates

1 y

Now it seems like she’s distant and texting less all I got yesterday Fri the 14 march was a hi 👋 baby and a FaceTime call doing her nails at the salon I’m going to start reciprocating with her behavior and taking longer to reply

[HollyK21]

I think at this point you two need to pick a lane and stick to it, for your own sakes. If you both genuinely agree that an LDR won’t work because it isn’t fair to either you, then that’s fine but you need to either shift things into a fully platonic friendship or let each other go.


Right now what you’re doing is straddling the fence and that’s what’s not fair to either of you because it’s like you want to be in the position to confront her about her private life or who she’s talking to, but because you’re just a friend, you have to swallow all your emotions about this and I find that unfair.


Like with this guy, you can’t question her about it and you aren’t entitled to the details, it’s up to her to share or not, and that sucks. I’m sure even the word friendship doesn’t feel right given all you’ve invested and how you feel about her, but unless there’s a committed relationship in place then that’s what this situationship ultimately is.


If you two really love each other, talk about a future and etc then you’d agree to either make an LDR work for now or cut ties. I mean you’re already committing to one another in the sense that you don’t seem to wanna date anyone else and you have the same expectation of her whether you realize it or not. So why not just buckle in and commit until you can finally be together.


Otherwise, enough with the revolving door conversations of “we want to be together but we can’t because of the distance, so we settle for what we have when we really want more, yet we can’t have more because of distance”, do you see how that goes around and around? That’s a waste of both your time.

[DishLady]

So I understand a person (male or female) hanging out in a public place with an ex who perhaps had a major breakthrough and needed delayed closure (e. g., as part of their AA 12-step program). But if it’s for any other reason it’s really not healthy.

[BiHubbyFlor]

Some people get stuck on very toxic people who have them a high and trama.

My guy friend had to constantly see this crazy chick who was toxic and would his his back while it was healing from surgery!

Sorry this got complicated but it won't ever end. She will want this guy all her life. She some how believes she loves him when it's not love.

Also seen way to many baby moms with baby Daddy's who have like 3 or 4 kids with a lot of women.

It's creepy and the dumbest idea.