Would you be fine with your SO having friends of the opposite sex?

[Anonymous]

I’m not and only because of what I’ve seen and experienced.

I met this guy through work and we became friends. He told me he had 1 kid but he wasn’t with the BM cause of a fight and now he’s just doing him. Then I found his Facebook but he used a different name with his photos and he confirmed after I confronted him.

Turns out he is engaged to his BM and has 3 kids.
This guys been texting me as you see below-

He literally gives me those “I want to eat you all up” looks very often and is very flirty in person.
We got stoned together once and we had one of those lean in for a kiss moments but I started talking instead out of shyness at the time. This guy is always texting me and talking with me at work. He’ll like stand on me when talking at work and bring me apples (I LOVE them and eat about 4 a day at work) so he started doing sweet things too.

Once I found out the truth I told him I can’t be friends with him cause he’s with someone with kids etc and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with this.
I just couldn’t imagine my husband in a car with a girl from his work and doing all this shit to.

Am I just crazy for thinking this? Like is this really this normalised?

[DishLady]

Depends on who that person is (or was) to them and also how "close" a friend they're planning to be. Some folks you can just tell will be trouble from the first sec you meet them. They're too close and intimate with your guy/gal, they have too many inside jokes and you feel left in the dark, they have too much history that they'll both wave off to you or shake their heads or just say "You'd never understand."/"You had to have been there."/etc.

If you're feeling "lost" in your relationship because of some person who is claiming to just want to be "friends" with your guy... that's not ok.

I have a lot of guy friends in general, but when they're in relationships I take a step back out of respect for the woman he's with. I'll stick to hellos and goodbyes, the smile that shows I DO remember our past stories, but I'm not going to flaunt it. Simple.

Guys should be the same way. Mindful of the relationship status of their female friends. Not too clingy or nostalgic when the boyfriend is there trying to establish himself as "her guy." (This is harder to do bc guys WILL get territorial out of the blue over a girl, regardless of who the girl has chosen.)

[Screenwriter]

Why are you entertaining conversations with this guy? I suppose his attentions are flattering, but he wants to nail you, despite being engaged and having three children. He's a dog!

Block him and look for someone unattached and available. /

After you block him, make sure he discontinues his actions at work too. They verge on harassment. Don't send him photos.

You CAN be friends with people of the opposite sex if it's platonic and doesn't interfere with their family lives. A jealous wife/ partner would make this impossible. And there have to be clear boundaries. No lust. No flirty/sexy tests.

TELL HIM if he keeps bothering you at work you'll report him. Maybe he'll get the idea. And hold up YOUR end of this too. Get your thrills from a better man. He's not one.

[Asker]

These conversations were before I found out he’s engaged and I no longer talk to him🤗 he does keep trying to talk to me at work and texts but I ignore him.
The photo I sent him was, again, before I knew he was even with someone and under the impression he was single and we’d been sending each other photos over the weekend.

[Asker]

So no honey, this hasn’t been “thrills” for me. The second I found out he was married I told him we can’t be friends and I stopped texting him. I also can’t say anything to work because if he gets fired then he gets sent back to his country and I feel too bad to do that. I’ve since changed shifts so when I finish work, he starts work.

[Asker]

Please don’t just assume this is me trying to get attention from a man and one that’s taken for that matter lol. I don’t want no mans attention that’s got a girl trust me

[Asker]

This has stung because we’ve had a whole flirtatious thing for the last 7 months and only recently started seeing each other alone out of work so yeah I’m bummed

[Screenwriter]

Good for you. !!!

[Asker]

Hahahaha

[Summeroflove]

As for me it’s okay personally it comes down to integrity. I know that if someone’s going to cheat they are going to cheat whether they have opposite sex friends or not. But it comes down to compatibility as well some people just are looking for different things. So long as they hold themselves to the same standards that’s okay.

But there has to be boundaries. It can be hard because what is and isn’t emotional cheating many times falls within intentions.

[Zack-Bann]

Not a fan of the idea
99.99% of guy friends secretly wanna smash
That’s not an exaggeration it’s the sad reality that no woman wants to accept


I typically wouldn’t tell my girl who she can and can’t associate with but I will certainly admire her more if she he has the stones to do what needs to be done with regards to the snakes in the grass

[masterSir]

@Zack-Bann truth

[ohsheeT]

Well this who the guy is every thing you see.. get together with him and on 8 months t I
...12 months you won't be working together any more because you just has a baby .. and he's at his new job talking to a girl that is going through and thinking The exact same thing that you did when you were doing it. She found out all the same information. Except 41 more girl one more baby.
Then the cycle will repeat itself again and again

[AviatorTom]

My wife has several make friends, not a problem.

I must say your situation is unique, but I wouldn't judge all guys based on the actions of one.

[Asker]

Not one but just a common occurrence! The friendship with the opposite sex would have to be a certain way and for there to be boundaries and respect etc. Also can’t hide friends of the opposite sex from your partner ect… there’s a lot that needs to happen for it to be fine. It’s definitely not something I’m comfortable with and I’d only ever date someone who doesn’t have friends of the opposite sex, that’s just my preference lol

[Finchie40]

Yes, but it depends if she is respectful about it and doesn’t do any shady shit , if I suspect her being up to no good , I would kick her to the curb where she belongs

[NoDecision]

Sounds like he was looking for some side action. What a douche! If he had female friends before we met I might be ok with him keeping them. I would hope that he would introduce them to me too. If one was a knockout then I would be a bit jealous so that one might be crossed off his list. 🤔

[molonski2]

I reckon the actual question is different from the example you give.

But let's put it this way , if I'm " the friend " and she is married say , I wouldn't trust me.
And I'm sending messages like..

" Hi babe , drive safely , look forward to seeing you Hun , I will give you a massage when you arrive "

- ans " Great Steve , I can't wait "

Best to have some limits.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I'm ok with my wife's male friends. She's known them for years and I've met them. She messages them all the time and if I wanted to read their messages my wife would be ok with it. I've got a few female friends and my wife has my password so she can read my messages any time she wants.

[lightbulb27]

you are not crazy, the world is crazy.. with inconsistent rules, people breaking rules, liars, etc.. you did well to say no. This is a screwed up world, you will learn that.

I am ok, but you learned some valuable lessons. There are risks and frankly, in our world today where people work with people, and there's people hanging around... you gotta have more than "stay away from them" as a solution.

[ProbablyClueless]

I don't mind it in theory, but what you're talking about is clearly a heck of a lot more than just a friendship.

[Asker]

Yeah my situation is a bit different. It’s the “we’re friends but everything is super flirty and into each other” I no longer have desire to be his friend because yeah it’s not just “friends”

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I don't mind my husband being friends with girls bit it's that he's sending hearts and stuff I mean I'm naturally a flirty person but I'd never send someone hearts besides my husband

[hello4433]

I agree with you

[RedThread]

Look I'm 37 so I have quite a few male and female friends that I've known for decades at this point and they came into my life first. I'm not abandoning any of them for a new relationship. I think it's a bit entitled for someone to expect that. I'm an honest and loyal man and if a woman can't accept that then I'll look for love elsewhere.

[Miristheiss]

No.

Acquaintances, sure. Men she is texting and hanging out with alone? No.

She doesn't so we are fine. I do not go hang out socially with women either.

[Anonymous]

Somehow the “good girl” seems a little suggestive to me… lol

[Asker]

Oh 100%… but regardless of that, girl you should see the way this man looks at me. Nothing about how he is with me is innocent. Heaps of other people have now also thought we’ve gotten together…

[Nikki1989]

Most of my husband's friends are women, and all the people he works with are also women.

Most of my friends are male, as well as the people I work with.

No issues here, and we cherish all our friends.

[slimshady026]

How can you take it normal thing?

[PeachyPie93]

I don't mind acquaintances they talk to sometimes, but defo not female best friends or people they are hanging out with alone and almost kissing and being flirty with.

[slimshady026]

You wish. If it did the things you mentioned, you wouldn't even know it happened, not even your soul. :D

[PeachyPie93]

@slimshady026 You are bound to fuck up somewhere since I would sneak into your phone while you sleep.. Plus you kind of know how guys are just by how they behave, so I am sure I wouldn't even date your type..

[slimshady026]

First, learn to communicate properly. Use correct spelling and punctuation, and then explain what you mean more clearly. The issue is quite simple: if you don't object to your partner (male or female) hanging out with the opposite sex, you won't know what they're up to. They might flirt, kiss, have sexual encounters, and so on. So, stop whining about 'insecurity'.

[PeachyPie93]

@slimshady026 First don't tell me how to write because if you don't like it then get the fuck off my comment. Secondly who said anything about insecurity? Like make it make sense!! I said I don't like him having female friends but I can't stop him from having female acquaintances at work. I don't need to know what they are up to but if I ever caught my partner cheating I would throw acid on him and his little slut.. and watch them burn in pain. So if one of my partners wants fuck around and find out, so be it. Anyways get lost you slim shady f*****, you aren't Eminem..

[Asker]

@SlimShady026 fuck you just got served hahaha, go cry somewhere else you gross POS

[Asker]

@PeachyPie23 I completely back you with this… if the tables were turned, the men would be calling us whores or dumb for having a guy friend- men actually hate it when women do cause they know how other men are but they don’t seem to understand that women are the same in that regard.
In general it’s disrespectful and my situation for instance, if he were my boyfriend and I found out, yeah he’d be getting it

[slimshady026]

The sentence that came out of your mouth = I don't need to know what kind of crap they're up to. If you don't need to know, then you can't catch them, meaning they'll do everything behind your back, and you won't even know :D also, calm down a little? What's with all the anger, are you a boomer :D

[slimshady026]

I was messaging with 'PeachyPie93', what's it to you? Whose dog are you that you're looking for a place to attack? :D

[Asker]

@Slimshady026 I asked the question 🙂 I can reply to the opinions

[red-lipstick-girl]

My boyfriend can't have a girlfriend, I don't allow it and I don't want it.

[exitseven]

It depends. If it was somebody she used to date or had sex with no way.

[MsTaniaUncensored]

If I trust him so little to be around other women, I can't see that relationship going very far.

[Cormac995]

As long as she wasn't spending time with them alone yes. If I saw him getting flirty or making moves though I'm having a conversation with her.

[Iron_Man]

Nope That’s trouble and she’ll tell him every little secret and when you fight and you always gotta answer to the guy like he is a cop and the whole time he’s waiting for you to slip up because he wants The girlfor himself

[Drumlin2001]

In general its fine. In this case, you're overstepping the line. Go no contact outside of essential work interactions

[EmmaMary]

No problems whatsoever... And neither does my husband with me having my close male friends.

[elizamichale1]

I dont really mind since I know he loves me n he is always going to be mine

[douride2]

i have friends of the opposite sex so my partner should be able to have friends of the opposite sex too.

[sophie123469]

Usually yes but that guy is definitely trying to hook up with you, not be friends.

[gintare_764]

It's okay I'm fine with it like we sometime do it together to change our taste.

[slimshady026]

You have to learn to speak more clearly. Or use punctuation.

[fartingspinster]

@Slimshady026... she's texting not speaking. And that's a very odd thing to be anal about

[WhiteBoyChill]

This guys basically a serial cheater in the making

[beefcakebradybatson]

Yes. Lots of girls have boy buds AND a boyfriend.

[RedInnocent69]

Hard not to, but yeah the exchange you posted is sus

[Agape93]

Yeah why would that bother me?

[kaucky1]

I get along with girls more better

[billyboy197747]

Yes I would

[Anonymous]

Sure, no problem.

[Alexa6]

If I met them sure and get the vibes.

[Cyrus000]

Nah you're cool

[Asker]

Meaning?

[Cyrus000]

You're fine for not being friends

[dudeinohio]

Nope

[Wise4myage]

Yes I sure would.

[masterSir]

nope not happening

[Asker]

Right? Like he’s still actively trying to talk with me and see me and even asked me to go smoke with him again? He’d be six feet if he were my boyfriend and I found out he does this

[masterSir]

If you know her, tell her.

[Asker]

She lives in their home country so she’s not even here AND then I also don’t want to cause drama at work which this 100% will if I made something of it. I got groped at work once and people shit talked me for telling 🙂

[bralesswonder]

Yes.

[PaleDale]

Of course

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[UknowJT93]

it's not acceptable