Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

I, female, am on tinder to find a friends with benefits. Match with a guy, we hit it off, we're looking for the same thing. A couple days we have a vibe check date, awesome goes really well, a few days later we meet at his place and hook up. Both very happy and satisfied. I express in no uncertain terms that I want to do this again, he agrees enthusiastically.

Now, we had been texting quite a lot. But that kind of comes to a halt. Two days later I ask "hay what's up? If you're not interested that is cool." he is adiment that he is still interested, great. More days pass, not a lot of contact. I ask again, and get a he same enthusiastic answer. This has never happened before. If I had gotten a luke warm answer or something, I could've taken the hint, but he is enthusiastically expressing wanting to see me again.

Now, is he keeping me as an option or is he very scared or hurting my feelings? Should I just write him off?

[SteveSmith1985]

I think where your problem lies, is in different ideas of what friends with benefits entails.

That's what it seems like to me, anyway.

It sounds like you are looking for someone who is a "friend." Who you also sleep with. I can see how/why that might have happened, with you guys getting along so well right-off-the-bat.

It also depends on what exactly you guys agreed to in terms of... what this was going to look like and entail. I don't know what conversations you two may or may not have had.

However, for the average, run of the mill "friends with benefits" situation... there is no obligation to really actually be friends (as in someone you talk to a whole lot). They CAN be born out of genuine friendships, and that's a bit different. Otherwise... they're just two people who get together for fun, with no commitment or expectations.

You seem to be looking for a relationship. Or at least, you seem to be looking for the type of time/attention commitment of a relationship.

So usually the appeal of a friends with benefits arrangement is precisely that there aren't expectations and obligations around things like: texting every day or even every couple of days. It's supposed to be casual, and be free of exactly the kinds of expectations you're expressing frustration about him not meeting.

I don't think that's what he had in mind when he got into a friends with benefits. I could be wrong about that. You two may have already talked all this through. But it doesn't seem like it.

From his perspective, he never signed up for "is everything ok, I haven't heard from you for a few days" messages. He isn't thinking that you're sitting there wondering why he hasn't messaged you.

It could just be him... totally fine, but not being in contact like you're expecting. What your expecting seems to be much more involved than any typical friends with benefits.

You two have different expectations, I think, for how often you're going to be chatting.

For a guy, it's the sex that is the focus of the friends with benefits (especially if it's someone you met online). You seem to want more emphasis on the friend aspect than he (or most people) was expecting. I think he's just... doing his thing... which is less than you were wanting/hoping/expecting in terms of contact.

You two need to have a more thorough, detailed vibe check. Preferably in person. You need to each be specific about what it is you are looking for, and expecting from this friends with benefits thing.

I don't think he suddenly doesn't like you as much

I don't think he changed his intentions

I think he's acting like any guy would in a typical friends with benefits arrangement. He doesn't know that in your mind, he's made you question anything... because you two have different conceptions of friends with benefits.

Just talk and you can get on the same page. But I don't think you have anything to worry about.

🙂

[Asker]

Thank you for your very well written and extensive answer! I very much appreciate it!

And we did indeed talk about it, where we both agreed that some type of "friendship" is important to us both, like combining fun activities of some sort with the benifits. I try to be as clear from the get go as I can be, to make my intentions and preferences clear. (this is not the first friends with benefits I've had).

What striked me as odd was the sudden drop in communaction. Since I still don't know him to well, I straight up asked because I do prefer straight and honest communication. His enthusiastic answers to him still being interested should have put it to rest, I just think I got in my own head a bit to much in the confusion.

But again thank you for the very thought out answer! I appreciate it a lot!

[SteveSmith1985]

Cool, well it sounds like yes you may have gotten in your own head a bit on this one.

Sounds like you're already all-good on this. Hope everything works out 🙂

[Shiprex]

Sounds like he is looking for a fuck buddy and you're looking for a friends with benefits. I don't think you're both on the same page with this "relationship"

[HungTexan]

He might be thinking he wants more than friends with benefits with you.

[moneymagnet24]

What feeling? It's just a hookup b**ch

[Asker]

The feeling that we could be friends with benefits.

[BarryLiverstone]

Option.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome

[In_Trance]

He has a girlfriend

[Asker]

I know for a fact that he does not.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆