Tom and Linda have been dating for almost a year. Since they've never agreed to be exclusive, Tom sleeps with other women without telling Linda?

[HawkPerception]

Okay

NOT okay

[MannMitAntworten]

I suppose it could be worse. Tom and Linda could be engaged and in the same month they become engaged Linda starts sleeping with a guy she met briefly before Tom. Then Linda out of guilt abruptly ends their relationship 6 months later without an explanation why or what happened leaving Tom completely bewildered. Only for Tom to learn the truth of Linda’s improprieties 10 years later through an -at the time- current girlfriend of his who took it upon herself to go snooping into Tom’s ex-fiancé online and shares what she finds with Tom. She discovers Linda has a blog where she details marrying the guy she cheated with. Which years later help to make sense of a lot of Linda’s odd behavior the last few month of their relationship. Tom shortly after ends things with the current girlfriend because she admits to her own playing around with a co-worker. Tom takes a long break from getting into another relationship with the realization that women stray far more often than they are willing to admit.

[SteveSmith1985]

Not ok. I'm always pushing the 'exclusivity conversation' as being super important. Otherwise you're relying on the implied commitment, and this is an egregious example of the problem with that.

At what point does implied exclusivity become a duty or obligation to be faithful? I don't know exactly. That's why I'm such a big proponent of explicitly talking about being exclusive. As early as possible. (once you both seem on that page)

So "technically" Tom can plead ignorance. "Oh well I didn't ever tell Linda I would be exclusive, so she has no reason to think that"

This is bullshit if he's been seeing Linda for a year. I don't know where exactly the line is for implied commitment becomes implied exclusivity; but it way way before a year.

Tom is an asshole. Tom is in the wrong.

[Simslover92]

I'm going to be quite honest here, any woman who dates a guy after almost a year or even 6 months that doesn't become exclusive is an idiot and wasting time. I know women personally who are like Linda and as much as I care for them, I won't deny that I find it idiotic to be in that predicament. For me, personally, if a guy isn't wanting to be exclusive after 3 or 4 months of dating then I'm not going to waste my time on him and it's quite obvious he doesn't want to be serious with me. So why waste your time?

[PrincessC16]

It's sad that this happens so much.
After being together that long they should've had the talk.

[Avicenna]

It never should have gone on anywhere near that long without having a convo about exclusivity.

But she should kick him to the curb.

[Zack-Bann]

It’s a clear sign things aren’t going so well because why didn’t Linda draw a line in the sand


95% of the women I slept with laid there afterwards trying to catch their breath, running a finger on my chest and asking “so what are we now”


The other 5% didn’t want a relationship of any kind and chose to skip the awkwardness and say goodbye in good vibes


But no one ever sticks around without at least figuring out the basics


Doesn’t have to be a relationship but even FWBs have boundaries


So Tom and Linda both made mistakes here

[4ngelic]

to me that's cheating. if a guy did that to me i'd break up immediately

but to be fair i'm more european on that question. where i live, the moment you start dating someone you're automatically exclusive. i dont really get the whole test drive 6 different people and hookup on the side until you pick your favorite one and become only then faithful. American dating is fboy/hoe shit.

[katiesmuff]

It's a tricky question! Did they agree on anything is the issue. Technically I guess both would be free to fuck whomever they choose if nothing was discussed about that, but with them dating for this long period I would think common sense would say they shouldn't be fucking others unless they have discussed the issue and said it was ok.

[queenofcardio]

Dating for a year and no label on the relationship, seems like an unlikely situation..

I'd say okay, if they were together for a short time without the exclusivity

[Crimsyjo]

That's not okay because it should be discussed. Linda will likely presume they are exclusive and not know she is at risk from Tom. That's unfair. Tom needs to man up and have the conversation.

[WhitneySnow]

Not okay. If you’re dating that long, it’s assumed you’re exclusive unless you specifically agree otherwise.

[HawkPerception]

Nothing can be assumed. If you want to know if you're official, you communicate whether or not you're in the same boat. There are countless people who haven't talked about it and the other person took advantage of that fact.

[Shiprex]

It's a bit unkind to do this but Tom is obviously not for settling down and that is his choice. If Linda isn't seeking a commitment then she's her own worst enemy. Maybe she doesn't want to settle down and Tom is playing the field.

[wynning]

Sounds like cheating unless she knew about and is okay with it. At that point I'd wonder... Why.

[lyrem04]

If you’re dating for a year that’s pretty exclusive to me.

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

I think after a certain amount of time, it's just assumed that the two of you are exclusive. Although this should be discussed.

[slatyb]

Does she believe she's the only one? If not, then it's ok. If so, then it's sexual assault.

[genericname85]

If both parties agree on it, i don't see a problem. I don't agree with it and don't want it but it's not my life, it's their's.

[alice55]

Thats crazy thats not ok

[rebelkid]

As long as he is being safe about it. However because she is aware that they are not exclusive to each other, I am sure that she is out there living her best life as well.

[Finchie40]

Tom is a player

[chrissykerdock]

tom is a dog

[exitseven]

I guess it is okay.

[Dongie]

Sure.