How much effort is a woman supposed to give in the initial dating phase?

[peachragdoll]

What I keep seeing (mainly on social media and from relationship experts online) is that the woman is not really supposed to put in much effort - I mean this in the sense of initiating things, for example texting, phone calls, organising dates etc. I have heard this paired with the idea that it is because men naturally are chasers and are either turned off or get complacent when a woman ‘tries too hard’. Would you say this is true?

If so, at what point does a woman start putting in effort in dating/the relationship… I imagine she must do at some point! It takes two to move things forward!

[SteveSmith1985]

I think that advice is some absolute bullshit. I think you're smart to question it. It's wrong. Guys are looking for reciprocal effort. No guy wants to chase anyone. Guys fucking hate that. (ask them on here. It's not a bad idea to).

You put in the half of the effort to show him you are just as interested. It's like a conversation. One of you makes a move... and looks for an answer (corresponding effort back). You get that feedback, and you make another small move because you got that feedback.

If you don't show interest... he'll think you're not interested. I can promise you that.

Guys and girls are looking for the same signals of interestst. If you don't give those signals by purposefully pretending to not be as interested as you are... you're going to screw yourself over so many times. Guys will read what you put out there. Just like you read what they put out there.

It's literally as good a plan for getting a guy... as it would be for a guy trying to get you.

It would be crazy if a guy thought the best way to get you interested... was to pretend he wasn't interested in you... right? This is equally nonsensical.

This is some manosphere inspired bullshit. It's based on completely false ideas of how people work. I can assure you, you're going to want to disregard that advice. Go with what you already intuitively know is right. Guys want to know you're interested, otherwise they won't keep pursuing you. Why would they. No guys like to chase a girl they like. It's pathetic.

🙂

[ohsheeT]

Well you know How society likes to stick their nose and everybody's business

I have a better idea.
You really like this person Why don't you just?
Listen to yourself

And do what you think is best for
I mean, who is this society person? Do they know you? Do they know they know what he does what he doesn't do?
How do they know you and what you do and what you don't do?

The society also tell you you get out of it. What you put into it

[debbiedenise]

Good question. I think this is true as a general rule. We should be chased and not be the chaser. That said, some guys are really shy and have difficulty. What I try to do is initiate something and make the guy think that he did. We women are usually pretty good at these things. LOL!

[spartan55]

How would you pull that off?

[Nikki1989]

It's 2025, and thankfully, the idea that one gender is “supposed” to give a specific amount of effort in the initial dating phase is outdated.

[Anonymous]

No. At least that's not the way I'm reading this. Men have zero problem chasing so long as the women puts forth adequate effort to confirm her interest. The way I'm reading your question you're saying that you're advised a woman not even do that. Well, No! That isn't going to work then. You'll get interest from some men. But it will be the men who literally hit on EVERY woman. If you're OK with that, then by all means, do this. I think you'll be quite disappointed with the results though.

[ProbablyClueless]

Keep it simple! No need to overthink this kind of thing. Don't worry about sending guys texts or initiating plans; just make sure that you're doing it in proportion to what he's doing.

I can't stand it when women make me do all the work early in dating. It's not hard to put in a tiny amount of effort to show that you're actually interested.

[spartan55]

What you are reading is 100% false imho. Most guys have no issue taking the lead, but if she doesn't reciprocate AT ALL, many will decide she's not girlfriend material. The chaser shit is so antiquated. If a woman acts aloof or hard to get she isn't for me.

[RavVid]

At a point the couple start assuming they will be meeting and I sort of think that's your time Lady. (Waterloo battle reference). About the same time you start calling him.

Remembering that lust precedes love, I think that is the reason you should leave to the guy initially.

[MrChinaski]

This isn't a women versus men issue. Generally both partners put in a lot of effort if what they want is a loving and enduring relationship. You do not have history together, so people work to build that.

[YourExLover69]

I agree with you. Especially last paragraph. A girl should show interest in me. Be clingy, talkative and chatty. And I will make her mine.

[bowenw]

It is true men are usually natural chasers/hunters, I would say just be yourself.

[jahaims]

A relationship is 100% effort always. If you don't feel like someone is worth 100% effort then you are wasting both of your time

[In_Trance]

You put in as much effort as you expect in return

[Anonymous]

Most guys like it when a woman takes initiative.

[yotaman99]

It’s a 2 way effort