According to an article written by Katya Koval, several men stated that they no longer approach women due to the following:
“Women want to be approached. But if you approach them and they don’t like you or think you’re attractive enough, you will be called a creep.” — Jake.
Roberto, 42 years old and single, was asked why he didn’t dare approach women. He replied, “I have never gotten a clear signal from a woman. My female friends have pointed out positive body language as signals, but they are too ambiguous for me to act on.”
Kane, 35 years old and single, shares, “I don’t approach women anymore because it’s too tedious with little chance of payoff. It’s either they ignore you, reject you, shame you, or, worse, accuse you of molestation. If a woman likes me, she should make an effort to approach me.”
Mel, 29 years old, shares, “Women demanding men to chase them while they never approach men themselves is what you could call ‘entitlement.’ I don’t mean that women should start asking men out, but just approaching us to talk would be nice. For women who want equality: If he doesn’t approach you, approach him.”
Evi, 23 years old, claims “It’s easier to get women and land a date online than cold approaching them. I’m currently in College and our campus consists of 80% women. It’s not necessary to approach women anymore.”
Nathan, 22 years old, admits, “It’s mainly the negative consequences that’s stopping me. It’s scary when you hear stories about guys and fake accusations on campus. I worked hard to get into College. I’m not going to risk getting expelled for something I didn’t do.”
Jake's case. But if you approach them and they don’t like you or think you’re attractive enough, you will be called a creep.” - Disagree. Unless you approach a bitch. But the women I have approached have been normal human beings.
Roberto's case. Body language thing is indeed a problem. I went to a restaurant yesterday with friends and family. I was like 30 mins too early so I was just in the city walking around and found a bench. A woman joined me, sat on the other side of the bench. Not a word, just looking and smiling. To me that's just... kind of lame? We have speech, talk to me, I won't bite.
Kane's. I've been ignored once. I wasn't even flirting. I wanted to ask for directions but she walked right past me, rude. Made that bad day a bit worse. Rejected, happens. That's not bad, you don't know that other person so, it's not really a crushing feeling. The last two options, shaming and accusation hasn't happened to me, but that's just the crazy people. Bad judge of character on your part AS the one doing the approaching. Or the way you approached could have been bad too.
Mel's. Woman demanding. I never liked that kind of woman. Demanding to be approached. Don't DEMAND. As for equality, sure it's not against the law to approach a man you like. My rule is this. You like someone you got get her/him. Don't just sit there and smile. TALK. GO. 50-50 GIVE AND TAKE. Not just one doing all the work. If the woman thinks that "doing her part" is showing off and looking pretty, she's a hard skip for me.
Evi's. (Cool name first of all). I don't think it's easier. Because they have to be on that phone, on that app, getting scared off by the horny men in the DM's. In person she's there, right there. I rather talk to her and have her "see my message" because I'm standing right in front of her than having to wait until a message is read on some app.
Nathan's. Again the false accusations thing. I never experienced this. Have a feeling of who the person you're about to approach is. The vibe they give off. I've only approached "normal" adults.
Those men are shy and have low self esteem and they lack confidence in themselves. when I was younger I use to be shy when it came to being interested in a beautiful girl , and my shyness made me miss opportunities with girls’ that I was attracted to , when I finally got over my shyness and just accepted myself for who I am , Talking to girls’ was no big deal , I just talked to them the same way I like to be talked to in return and I realized I was stupid for being shy , and kicked myself in the ass over it. i don’t land every girl I am interested in , but i landed a hell lot more than when I was shy lol when I learned to accept myself for who I am , at times I didn’t even have to make the first move on girls’ they were making the first move. Which to me was even better lol
I think a few of them are probably quite true, however I've been out of the approaching game for so long now I can only guess and listen to what I hear from the kids who work for me. I know that in my younger times guys had no issue approaching girls and snagging a date.
If you like someone man or woman never expect someone to approach you put your big boy or big girl pants on and suck it up. Otherwise you’ll probably be disappointed seeing someone with someone else. Just especially people you don’t know are out minding their own business going about their day so if you want to talk to them go talk.
As for me I’m not big into approaching I like to get to know someone and don’t really have a need to go and approach someone directly. Unless I really got some reason felt drawn to someone it’s not my thing.
There is a right and wrong way to do it. It’s not sexual harassment if you’re not being sexual so don’t start off making a sexual joke or being inappropriate. It’s that simple if someone makes something into something it’s not then that will be on them.
I don't care what any one says of I see someone I like and my heart is pounding there's a reason for it and I need to find out why I don't care if we are on a high wire 1500 feet in the air I want to know what why how life is so crazy so short And real opportunities come and go in the blink of an eye. I don't care what anybody says. I want to know why my heart is pounding so hard. Why I feel when I feel
I think these men are for the most part whiny immature guys who need to grow up. Like the one guy who's whining that he needs clear unambiguous signals... He needs to join reality because women don't operate like that. So he needs to learn how to read women. As for the crap from overly reactionary women accusing molestation that sort of thing I won't deny that but guys need to be able to identify those women at a distance and that's not hard to do. If you can identify those women then you know not to approach them to begin with. In short, these guys need to learn how to read women.
None of that is particularly relatable for me. I get approached by women all the time. Sometimes aggressively. But I'm sorta enjoying my freedom these days and not really looking for all the restrictions that come with "a relationship". I seldom approach women but when I do it's generally a positive or at least not a negative experience. I'm happy with the occasional hookup and not being tied down. Some stick around in my life longer than others. But that's OK variety and meeting a range of people is OK for me at the moment.
Some venues, i. e. nightclubs, are very difficult but it can happen nonetheless. In some venues, i. e. bars, it can be hard to tell who is with who and single girls tend to go together. It is more difficult to approach a gaggle of girls.
I'm more inclined to venues like cafes where an amount of sociability is expected. You do want conversation to flow between you and you can test that out. If it goes well, you can ask to meet up in x days there. So it is a fairly easy environment.
To be honest though I don't women are offering much now and that is more why I am not bothering.
I disagree with about 100% of “reasons” not to approach women.
They are all excuses, coping mechanisms of weak hearted losers who grew up so sheltered that the idea of rejection terrifies them so much they would rather create this fantasy in their mind that all women are evil and self serving and dangerous
Fact is: people aren’t that deep
You see someone you might like you talk to them You hit it off you keep talking You don’t you move on
I will never deny myself the pleasure of social interaction out of some irrational fear of being scrutinized
Wow ok children gather round the old fucks got a speech to make. Reading this makes wonder what it will be like in another 20 years if we're this sensitive now. However just to be clearwelcome to the real world. Sure itz easier to fire off a text hey babe your hot, like she isn't already cognizant of that fact let's hook up. Woman answers text in 1bof 2 basic ways anyone? Anyone? Ok "Yes this indicates it's time to. Heck the old wallet ake sure she can supervise. Or "no" an indication yourno longer worried overhow much cash you hold Yes if you had had to do things the way we did when we were young, then the issues were just the cost of doing business. You like a woman she's out of your league but what the hell worst thing she could do was say no, thereby emasculating you for the rest of your life. Sound familiar?
Can’t relate. Those guys seem to lack confidence and low self esteem, and they’re coming up with pure excuses. If you are walking down the street, and I approach you, I say hi, what’s your name etc etc, and you find me unattractive, and it goes nowhere, I gained a bit more confidence just by approaching, I got something out of it.. and I’ll use that confidence boost towards the next woman I approach that will fine me attractive.
If I get rejected, no such thing, just fell through oh well, I won’t ever see that person again so what’s the big deal.
One of the many issues I find these days is women have higher expectations these days, they want 6’6 w/ chiseled abs, 6 figure bank accounts and a huge you know what.. so there will be a lot of rejections for guys
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 mo
I used to be like that. These are "wussie selfish" men. In other words, rather than being their positive strong self, unless they get a "cookie"... e. g. positive response, they are hurt and can't take the pain. So they give up. This is a life training and parenting problem.
The solution is to work on themselves... stop giving a damn so much and be their best selves. it really is a lot better.
The problem is we've raised a bunch of wounded heart soft sensitie man childs. Maybe testosterone dropped... and women's is up... so thinks are all whacked.
I cannot speak towards the veracity of what was asserted, but I can say that I cannot relate. I have zero problems approaching women - or with women approaching me for that matter. Granted the latter seems to happen more and more lately. To be fair, I never felt timid/nervous or whatever when talking with women. In some ways I think my ‘ease’ is picked up which puts the woman at ease too. I know the timidity can go both ways for both the approacher and the approached. So feeling at ease is a good thing for ‘her’ too I imagine.
For me I don't really have a why. I'm ✝️ so I don't have sex without a ring. Which removes most of the incentive a guy has. I'm not gonna tell some girl iv got feelings for her when I'm just lonely and looking for better, that's messed up.
I look at the dating market and wouldn't date most of the women out there. Iv also got too much drama in my life already and don't want anymore and don't want it around her
So personally that's why, if you mean why does a guy not cold approach if I had a why, id still think of the risk of being accused of something, or being publicly humiliated which has happened when I tried. I don't mind being rejected I don't do it for every girl cool, but it seems many women get an ego high from rejecting guys and I'm not signing up for that
I have seen these perspectives bubbling up more often, but I never really cared. I have way more success asking people out in person. I actually met my wife at a Halloween costume store. Just thought she was cute and asked her out. I'm not even very attractive or confident. Pretty average, tbh. My hand was shaking when we exchanged phones to put our numbers in (x
I'd say Kane's story is the most accurate one. Body language, ambiguous signals and negative consequences of approaching are all annoying, but they aren't what makes approaching women not worth the effort.
The reason so many men have stopped approaching women is because of how many women simply aren't receptive to it. They feel put on the spot, and you often get rejected out of pocket for the simple fact she freaked out and wasn't expecting to interact with a man.
This is so true. I was approached before while shopping and was totally caught off guard by the man. Now this is before I was married. He was attractive and cracked jokes and kept making hints yet my mind was on shopping then on the other end I was like " is he interested?" Yet he didn't seem to be that confident in himself or feared directly asking me out so I left confused and he looked confused 🤣
But yeah a lot of the times for me my plans are to do my errands, my starbucks and whatever else I planned for me so if im approached I'm confused because I'm not even prepared
Sounds about right. You aren’t in a context that you would think to meet people, so it makes sense that you would be caught off guard. A lot of women handle those situations like shit though, and that’s not cool.
That’s why men don’t approach though. It’s not worth the effort to try to start a conversation with someone who will have an immediate spaz attack 9 times out 10, and at least 70% of the other times will reject you because she’s either not attracted to you, already has her eye on someone else, or isn’t confident enough to have a relationship with you.
I can put up with all that horseshit, or I can just be introduced through a friend. 😂
They have no idea how to approach a woman. One of them "It's easier... than cold approaching them". Of course if you see an attractive woman and immediately ask her for a date, she's going to refuse. She doesn't know you, but she knows you have no social skills. Start a conversation. See if she engages or brushes you off. If she engages, then at the end of the conversation, you can ask her, or just give her your number.
At my ripe old age of 31 here in 2025 - yes, all of the above. That's why I'm just single. I mean, why as any smart or intelligent human being, risk you know : it's a woman's word against man nowadays. So - and if women aren't gonna strike up an "ask me out on a date conversation," then yeah, I just talk the bare minimum and I carry on my day
My thought on this is cold approaching is nuts regardless of whether or not she accepts, rejects, or what she thinks of me.
Why should I show romantic interest in a stranger? I know nothing about her, so there is no interest to show.
That said, I would jump at the opportunity to ask out a female best friend, but with how long it takes me to figure out if she's compatibile, she'd end up asking me out first, way before I'm ready.
Nathan is just like me 😂 Making the first move in places like work or school can lead to misunderstandings, so it's not worth the risk. But in general, men have become more fragile and sensitive than in the past. A man should not be afraid of rejection, he will face it most of the time, but it's worth it. at least he gains experience
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 mo
I live in a college town. There are a lot of young people and I love people watching.
It's always fun to see how women interact with men. It's common to see a guy nod hello when he passes a woman and for her to completely ignore him. Usually the women don't even look if a guy is approaching. They act as if he isn't even on the sidewalk.
They may be right in their own way, but the truth is that both sides are no longer taking steps towards each other and are hesitant, for many reasons, the most important of which is being left halfway.
That might be the reality for those guys. I cold approach, get rejected a lot, but if any find me creepy I've never been told. I do know that I am not desperate, nor am I rude or angry when one is not interested, so perhaps women sense those things and the lack of those negatives mitigates against triggering the creepy vibe.
Women's brains have rewired away from their natural response to men's courtship and into artificial and manufactured one of rejection as a vice to get off on. Even unattractive women love rejecting men out of some sense of feminine pride as if they are Cinderellas.
There is no hope for the lost. Only the enlightened ones value what used to be a woman.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
1 mo
This sounds woke. Men who fear rejection aren't the type of man a woman should go for anyway. Zero self esteem. We don't want that "alpha" bullshit, but a confident man wouldn't care, and the woman will know. Which is likely why these dwerps got rejected.
A lot of men still approach women, I think the one that are vocal about not approaching are also the one that did not approach women ten years ago theyre just more confident in being vocals about it now.
I understand to an extent, but not all are like this. I did have an experience after seeing this girl for several weeks around my apartment building and saying hello every day and her responding with a "hello" as well. I figured why not call her by name, so I asked her what it was. Her response was "it's nothing." That struck me as odd. After all, she had been friendly up to that point.
Babebytheshore85 seems to be frozen at the moment. And after a month of not posting, Tatesgirl62 returns like clockwork. LOL. You're a man. And you're fooling no one.
@TatesGirl62 yep. Stay on your fake pink account thinking you’re fooling people and then accusing others of doing the exact same thing. Clown 🤡 but hey, thanks for the laugh. At least you’re good for something.
@TatesGirl62 you’re still yapping? Just can’t get enough of embarrassing yourself huh? Penis size insults huh? Exactly what someone resorts to when they have nothing of substance to say. Bye bye now. You see unlike you, I have better things to be doing with my time than creating fake profiles and pretending to be a different gender than I am. ✌️
Even if I were to consider that true, which I don't, I'm no coward. There's also nothing related to banning certain folks from procreation in the geneva convention... you're being a bit dramatic.
I didn't say you were an incel, I essentially said you seem to share many similar ideological perspectives with those of that group.
Just be careful. It might sound to you like you're playing it safe, but this manner of thinking isn't really good for your mental health. You're in an entirely different kind of prison right now anyway, so what the hell, I say just be brave.
I'm dying sooner (those aforementioned peaky genetics) I've tried it and I don't even remember it It was like I was on another wavelength but it's not the booze because I've drunk far more since and not had the time portal effect
I assume it gave me no pleasure therefore I can use my limited time with better value and watch everyone else fighting for it
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