Who should pay on the first date — the guy, the girl, or split it?

[Tracy2025]

[MrOracle]

That depends on whether you have and live with traditional values, or modern values. And, no, you don't get to mix and match. Your past behavior will reflect on what your values are.

If you are traditional, dating with the intention to get married and start a family in your 20, virgin or low single digit body count, etc., then the man should pay and be the provider. The reason men paid for dates is because women were dating with intention, and typically didn't work outside the home.

If you are a "modern" woman who wants equality, who prioritizes your career, who lives alone, etc., then that equality applies to you too, and you should be paying your own way on dates. And that doesn't mean you "offer to pay", it means you pay your portion of the bill without waiting for anyone to say otherwise. That's what equality looks like.

This crap of wanting traditional treatment without traditional responsibilities, and wanting equality only when it benefits you, is why so many men aren't even trying to date anymore.

[LiftingFencer]

💯 correct

[Cormac995]

For the first date the person who asks the other out should pay. After the first date going Dutch is best because the economy is complete shit. I don't think people realize just how many men CAN"T date because its out of their budget. I see woman complaining about being single and crying into the phone screen, but they always have a line of guys behind them happy to date them they just don't "Meet her standards" which 9/10 times are ridiculous and unreasonable in the modern world.

If you want a guy with a 6 figure salary you've just limited yourself to the top 25% of men in America. If you want a guy who's 6 foot or above, you're competing with other woman for a man that falls into being 14.5% of men in America. If you want a man that's 6 foot AND makes 6 figures that's about 3% of men in America. So if you have those requirements, you've just made yourself single forever unless you're a 10 in personality and looks you don't stand a single chance in hell dating.

This is what I mean when I say "Woman have ridiculous standards. They all think they deserve a 6-foot dude with a 6-figure income but they bring nothing to the table and wonder why they get rejected over and over and over. The answer is simple. If you think like this and you're struggling to date, it's not that men suck, it's that YOU aren't good enough to be worth his time.

If you're a woman and you struggle dating here's my advice. Be less petty, be less shallow and look for a guy that is genuine instead of wealthy and good looking and you'll have so many men trying to peruse you you'll have to beat them off with a stick. I'm not saying date 1s or even 4s if you just lower your standards to a 5 or 6 you will immediately have a shit ton of options.

[FreyaRed]

Usually the person who invites the other. I earn enough to pay a dinner and invite someone If I like the person.
I don't understand going to a date and having troubles who pays the dinner. If I don't like or I'm not sure about a person I just don't invite them to a dinner and even If I do, I try to look so friendly and kind as possible to convince the other person and I pay. Giving is more elegant than taking.

[Gwendoline]

Whoever asked who out on the date. Generally a man paying is showing he can finacially support them in the future but it doesn't have to be super expensive restaurants etc. Is that what dating is now a days? Just going to an expensive restaurant for food and alcohol? How about just a picnic in the park?

[ShellyB]

For the first date and all dates, whoever asks the other person out is basically the host of the event and should be prepared to pay. If in doubt the other person can offer to pay the tip or pay for a dessert after dinner or something like that. JMO!

[HawkPerception]

I made a MyTake on this a long time ago.

Paying Your Own Bill: Why It's Better and Why I'll Never Date Any Other Way

[Avicenna]

Well, I’m most interested in getting to know her, so it’s not a big deal. That said, there’s only one woman I’ve been on a date with over the age of 40 in the last six years who didn’t want to pay for herself. The younger women expected me to pay for both of us, which I planned to do anyway.

[AviatorTom]

The general rule is that the person who asks the other person out is the one who pays, unless they agree on something else. That applies to all dates, not just the first one.

[Finchie40]

Whoever asked who first , should pay period , if a girl asks me on a date? it should be her treating me , if I ask her on a date , then I will pay for her, it’s the respectful thing to do

[HighValue]

Each person should pay their own way so nobody feels used (many women use men for free meals/drinks and they use for an excuse that the guy should pay on the first date so they can continue using men). Or one person pay for the meal (the woman) and the other pay for the activity. Why did I say the woman should be the one paying for the meal? Because many women purposely order extra expensive things that they may not even want, but do it just because someone else is paying because so many women are abusive.

Men, if the woman insists you pay, she is a thief and you are better off avoiding her. That is the type to get married and divorced just to steal from men, and the MAJORITY of western women are like that. No matter how much they try to lie and deny it, statistics prove women's abuse and thievery.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I say split it that way nobody feels shafted or feel like something is owed to the other. I know some guys are still old fashioned and want to pay out of chivalry and not expect anything, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that, but honestly it's still a better idea to just split the bill anyway.

[OneViewpoint]

Depends...

• Who asked who out?
• Just meet or known each other forever?
• Does the woman want to feel zero obligation / pressure from the guy?
• What's the economics, both working, same income level or vastly different?
• 5 star restaurant or local pub?
• Is it clear there's not gonna be a 2nd date 5 minutes into the first date?
• Is there some concert or game you just had to see but your date isn't into it?

[Orion84]

I'm old school, so I prefer to pay, and will do so unless the woman insists on splitting it.

I'll tell her it's not necessary, but I know some girls like paying their own way, so they don't feel like they owe me (which I would never think), and I respect that.

[Anonymous]

I say the one who ask. But then a majority of women never ask so men are kind of fucked on that one. I’m not opposed to splitting the bill these days. Especially w equality. Women wanted equality. They wanted to make the same amount as men. Many of them call theirselves strong and independent but still want men to take care of the bills. I say split though, that way the girl doesn’t feel obligated to give the man something in return.

[loveslongnails]

If I ask a woman on a date, I'm paying. I wouldn't have it any other way. It doesn't mean I'm marriage minded, it doesn't mean I'm conservative, it doesn't mean I'm traditional; it means that mama taught me a little something about being a gentleman. Even if she asked me out, I'm still not letting her pay :)

[BarryLiverstone]

Part of the answer is what do you consider to be a first date? It’s 2025 and a first date could mean so many things compared to 1950 when a first date was two people who had met irl, talked, and planned out a time and place to meet for the date. Back then the guy paid.


So let me know what you mean by a first date. Is it like that traditional date? Are you asking about meeting someone irl from a dating website? Or something else.

[JohnnyB123321]

The first date I would never allow. a girl to pay. Unless it was just like her wanting to set it all Up and her heart was clearly wanting to do something special for you. But even if I said she could pay it probably had the waiter my card on the way to the bathroom or something. I can’t be at my wedding and it comes out she paid for out first date. It’s not acceptable for a girl to pay for the fist date unelss there was some story that had some weight to it.

[nawtee_me]

I am old fashion and say the guy should always pay. However in today’s society I look at it like this. Unless otherwise talked about before hand whichever person asked the other out should be prepared to pay. But that is not set in stone as I will not argue over her wanting to pay for hers or pay the tip or even for the drinks afterwards…. It is not worth ruining the event over….

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I wouldn't even try to not split it lol, afaics, the "guy paying" thing is for older generations, like 60+ folks. But I like it when she buys me a drink, I think of this as a funny play with tropes.

[RavVid]

I would want to pay. I do want some traditional values from the girl so I have no problems with my traditional roles. I would expect a girl to contribute pretty quickly once we it is clear we are going to keep seeing each other.

[TrimmedTip]

Whoever asked for the date should offer to pay.

But ideally? One offers, the other offers to split, and they just go with what feels comfortable. No pressure, no games—just respect.

[EmmaMary]

@Tracy2025

Whoever asks who out first... Failing that and to cease having any arguments... Just split the bill... Simples.

[genericname85]

highly depends on whatever sort of relationship you're after. if you're looking for a traditional relationship with dominant male breadwinner, you better let the guy pay. if you want a more modern equal relationship, you better split the bill.

[HelenaHandbasket]

In a traditional world, yes. The man is demonstrating his ability and willingness to act as a provider.

In today’s world, the girl will rock up with 4 girlfriends and order boxes for her 5 kids too. So all bets are off.

[Shiprex]

EITHER agree to each arranging a date for the other or split it. Then there's two ways to get to know the other person through their choice of date BUT it requires 2 dates minimum.

[oswaldcobblepot]

Split the bill

If a guy chooses doesn't want to pay and asked to split the bill woman should understand he's not cheap and he probably has money

[Drumlin2001]

I'd always be prepared to. But wouldn't cause a scene if she wanted to split or pay. I just don't see it as a big deal. Though her expecting me to could be a turn off, bit entitled

[rachel776]

Charlie Kirk says the guy 🤔

https://www.youtube.com/embed/QcXG4opC04s

[Shiprex]

He probably wants to tell her what to wear as well

[msc545]

Women expect men to pay and if a man doesn't pay he can expect to never see the woman again. This is of course grossly unsure than mine. Women don't really care. What they care about is getting paid for.

[Berethor]

Should split it, why the guy should pay twice? and the girl might feel like she owns him.

[glennos89]

The guy normally but in these times to many woman tale advantage of that so split it is a better choice right now

[katiesmuff]

I'm still voting for the traditional way where the guy pays. Just seems more romantic.

[DJB72]

The one who initiated the date. If she invites me out for coffee then she pays. If I invited her I'd be offended if she offered.

[Purpleronnie]

If your interested in having a second date , pay for the meal unless she wants to pay or pay half

[contentious]

Who ever wants to look like an adult should pay for their own stuff.

[LiamS95]

If I ask a woman out and she accepts then it's my treat and I pay for the pleasure of having her accompany me for dinner or whatever it is we're doing together.

[WhitneySnow]

Ideally the guy, but I’d be ok with splitting it if he didn’t have much money

[Zylos]

I don't mind paying. Then again, I never go on dates.

[exitseven]

The person that extended the invitation. Let's face it, it's usually the guy

[Yannae]

I'll pay. It'll be cheap date. I'm not here for fancy dinners, I'm just here to see who I'm dealing with it.

[RHK36]

Whoever asked out who or split. No more of this guy first simp shit especially with women that expect it. I'll pay for it if I sense zero entitlement.

[jahaims]

That depends. If one person pays the whole bill it is sending the message that the other person's time is worth more because they have to buy it.

[SotiCoto]

Split... proportional to who ate / drank what. Everyone pays for their own. I ain't gonna bankroll someone I don't know nor trust yet.

[Anonymous]

When I was dating. I'd have said the guy. But in a post #metoo, post #feminist world, it should be split. Come on ladies you're strong and independent, you got this. Time to woman up.

[Jennz6]

I’m not paying, he should pay if he wants me to go out with him

[Guanfei]

Why is that? Is your time more valuable than his? Are you feeling so important than people should pay for your presence?

[Jennz6]

@Guanfei the person who is asking me should pay. If I was asking him for a date then I would be happy to pay

[Anonymous]

the guy pays if she's traditional

they both split if she's a feminist

[Ironco]

I'm still old school. I believe the guy should pay for the date.

[an_nMary]

It’s ain’t about the Old School life tho, but that’s true

[Staximus]

I'm old school and not a bum, so I'm paying for the first date

[Guanfei]

Split on first and second date, while you're still trying to know each other.

[Nikki1989]

The one that does the asking out.

[Shy_Steve]

Do most of you Girls Ask out Guys?

[itsannalee]

The one who asked to out.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Either the guy or split

[fantasticass]

The guy pays the bill. If not, I'm leaving

[andreasderjuengere]

I am near Split right now. So

[Mgpretty23]

Split it seems fair

[HeartShapedHaze]

The way I was raised, the guy

[John0986]

I'm chivilrous, I pay

[an_nMary]

Well I think it’s supposed to be the guy

[AngryCarl2]

Whoever does the asking out should pay.

[Likes2drive]

Whoever asked the other out usually

[Iron_Man]

The guy and the woman expects it

[Ariesman81]

We gonna smash later?

[blackeagle007]

No one should pay

[Twalli]

Except in rare cases, the guy