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Paying Your Own Bill: Why It's Better and Why I'll Never Date Any Other Way

HawkPerception
Who Should Pay the First Date?
Who Should Pay the First Date?

I know that the pandemic is still going strong in many parts of the world and some are still in some hardcore lockdowns, however I'm bringing this up in the hopes it will build some anticipation to go out again, and I'm also pretty curious to hear peoples opinions on this.

Now my guess is that many or most of you will believe I'm cheap after reading the title. I will only ever pay my own bill on the first date and probably most dates thereafter, and it's not likely that I will stray from this practice any time within my life, unless I'm rich without a care in the world about money.

In most cultures, if you're a guy, it is a general rule that you will pay the bill on the first date and pretty much any date thereafter. This is an old tradition that has stayed strong even in these times of equality. What people don't seem to get is that women don't make a fraction of what men used to make anymore. They fought for their equality. I would completely understand if it's a general rule that men always pay the bill if the women don't make anywhere near their income. But that is not the case nowadays.

We always talk about how we want our partners to be our best friends and that we are equal nowadays and yet when we go out to a restaurant or anywhere recreational, it is almost always the man paying the bill. This is because we apply a different standard to our date than our best friend. If you truly want your partner to be your best friend, then pay your own share and make them feel like they're not paying for your time. Men also want to be valued and you refusing to pay your own bill implies that your time is more valuable than his. Why should the man's wallet be the only one hurting?

Then there's the argument where guys say: "You're not a real man if you refuse to pay the bill." What is a real man then? You might as well be a sugar daddy if that is your thought process. If girls refuse to date you after not paying their bill, then GREAT! That saves you time from a sugar baby or gold digger.

Now let's get something straight. If there is a very large difference in income, and the guy is the one making much more to the point paying the bill is pretty much nothing for him, then sure... he should pay the bill. However, if the scenario is vice-versa and the girl makes much more, then shouldn't she pay the bill? It all comes down to communication at that point. This is the age of phones where texting is a main method of communication. Message them and find our what their take is on who pays the bill on a first date so nothing is awkward when you actually go on it. It shouldn't be an awkward conversation. Most people understand the diffuculties of financial situations. Communication is key!

I'm not saying that this should be the way the whole relationship goes. Once you're in a relationship, one person could pay the bill one time or even three times, and then their partner can get the next few times. Or if you're the guy and you want your partner to feel at ease and relaxed by paying the bill, then go for it. They're your partner and they deserve the world. There's no real rule when you're in a relationship. But you should definitely treat your partner better than your first date. First impressions are important and all, but inconsistency is a huge turnoff to anyone.

Here's a video on different cultures takes on it:

I find it interesting that the German guy and the girls from Sweden and Australia believe in paying their own share. It seems to be a more progressive movement to split the bill in Europe.

And here's a video of Matthew Hussey's take on it:

Anyways, everyone is free to go about dating in whatever way makes them feel comfortable and happier. Wishing you all the best during the pandemic! Thanks for taking the time to read myTake!

Paying Your Own Bill: Why It's Better and Why I'll Never Date Any Other Way
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Most Helpful Girl

  • modelUN242
    I believe in paying your own bill. The only time a guy paid for my food was when my “friend” asked me to eat at a restaurant because a girl he liked was too busy. So, it wasn’t really a date. I ordered a salad and a rum and coke. And at the end he insisted on paying even though I wanted to pay for my own food. I didn’t feel like it was a date but whatever.

    The second time we hung out, we ate at another restaurant. And of course when the bill came, I wanted to maybe pay him back so I offered and he was like sure. This was also the same night I told him about a guy I was talking to (my current boyfriend) so I think he was pissy. I looked at the bill and it was like $30 while mine was around $10. And I was like no... I don’t think I should pay and I wasn’t that wealthy.

    I went to the bathroom and apparently the waitress asked if he was going to pay for my bill assuming it was a date. And he was like it’s 2020 😂, equality.

    And so, I just paid for my food. I think I was friend-zoning him so I had to cut him off later on.
    Is this still revelant?
    • If it wasn't really a date, then that doesn't count haha. I'm surprised you guys had a second time going out. Some good friends you have, putting you through that haha 😂

      Thanks for sharing your experience and your opinion on it!

    • modelUN242

      Yeah lol... I tried convincing myself that he was my friend, and that we were just hanging out the second time. But, he would be in a sour mood whenever I talked about other guys.

    • Even friends aren't going to appreciate you talking about other guys. If it doesn't show, it's because they're being polite.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • msc545
    This is a bit complex, but here is my take on it.

    Most but not all women on a first date will offer to pay part of the bill as a shit test. If you accept their offer, you will never see them again. If you reject their offer. you MIGHT see them again, but there is no guarantee of this. If a woman grabs the check and insists on paying it, anything can happen next. If a woman gets up and goes to the bathroom as the check arrives, you should NOT see her again.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I disagree with that for sure. Not all women are like that. My ex and I split the bill all the time when we started dating.

    • msc545

      Read what I wrote. I never said "all women".

    • Ah true. I missed that lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

15
  • OlderAndWiser
    In my generation, the guy paying for everything is expected, and that makes dating less awkward because we both know what to expect. I can afford to do that and I don't mind. But I understand how that attitude has changed with some of the societal changes advanced by feminism.
    • I absolutely understand and respect that. I'm glad you can at least be open minded about the perspective of a younger generation.

    • Life constantly changes. Accept it or go the way of the dinosaurs.

  • AllThatSweetJazz
    It's a mistake to expect them to pay.
    You learn pretty quick that women won't really meet that standard in general. We just have to accept that they're not really respectable in that way. Some will suggest a split, but even that's often a kind of selfish thing like "I don't want to feel like I owe him anything". For some it will come from a place of "fair share", but fewer still go "no no, let me take care of you". And that's just how it is -- they will have an expectation on you which they themselves will not match, and that's just life. Holding out for a respectable woman probably means never meeting one. So adapt.

    By default, I'll just pay without thinking. No brainier.
    But if she tries to dance (make motions, gestures, or offers aren't any real intention to follow through (effectively just dancing in front of me)) then I like to propose a game of chance to decide. Flip a coin or roll dice for who does it. I'll even take the lesser odds. It's fun and if I end up not paying then her women-brain doesn't short circuit when the guy isn't paying.
    • In that case, I'll accept probably never meeting one. It's either all or nothing for me.

      My ex was a "respectable woman" in that sense so there are definitely more enlightened women out there.

    • That being said... I respect your opinion.

  • AzzaBlue
    The sad reality is that the majority of western women are extremely entitled, lazy and apathetic and refuse to put forth any real effort in dating. It has NOTHING to do with "tradition" or "chivalry" or "old fashion values." However that doesn't seem to stop many women from using these bullshit notions to absolve themselves of adult responsibility. Grown arse adults should be self sufficient and pay their own way rather than act like a freeloading parasite. But many women refuse to grow up and would rather be coddled and treated like a petulant child. It's sad and pathetic. Why is this way? Because there are too many vagina worshiping simps who allow this nonsense and will do anything for women in an effort to seem/ feel "manly." I find both types of people to be equally disgusting. Personally I want to find a woman that is full grown adult, but unfortunately too many women fail this simple test and are therefore unworthy of dating.
    • Absolutely agree. But it isn't just western women though. It's the majority of the world. Europe tends to have more progressive thinking it seems though.

  • MTC29
    The person who initiates the first date (the person who asked the other out) pays on the first date. Most times this is the man, but not always. On the second date (assuming that there is one) the other partner can pick up the check, or the bill can be split. There is no hard fast rule. A younger girl who is still in school or in an entry level position may not have the resources to pay for dates. Middle age women with good jobs generally don't like to feel "obligated" and prefer to rotate the payment, or split the bill. This demonstrates that they have resources of their own and are independent.
    • Most guys ask the girls on dates, and it's rarely the girls that do so because most expect the man to initiate. In this case 90% or more of cases, the guy will pay. Why should the guy have to pay unless he invites her to some extravagant place? Does she not also want to be on the date with him?

    • I also understand there is a mindset generation gap.

    • MTC29

      I'm sure that you've amassed more insight into women at age 27 that I have at age you. Carry on.

    • Show All
  • faye_girl
    I rarely go on dates but every time I have been on one (only three times I think) the guys have always said beforehand it'll be their treat so... not gonna argue with that. I dont expect it but if they're offering before it even starts I won't fight them on it. They've all been very traditional "old school" men. I'm a cheap date anyway 😜
  • TheSpaceGnome
    Didn't even have to read this, paying for your own bills on anything just makes more sense from a practicality perspective, as does splitting household bills 50/50.
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