My boyfriend calls me, “my dear.” Why does it feel too platonic and friendly? Do you guys call your partners that?

Question

Levin · Accepted Answer

Friendly. You could make the argument that all true deep relationships are based on friendship and a platonic kind of affection. Sure, sex and sexuality is important, but I would think in long term relationships it would slowly start to taper off naturally, to some degree.

I suppose, if not to psycho-analyse too much, you could try and see what this is telling you about yourself.

Do your relationships tend to be based more on sexuality rather than friendship? If so, what are the reasons for that? Does it have some link to your family dynamics growing up (I guess most things do). I suppose relationships based on sexuality might tend to be rather hot, but would stereotypically peter out rather quickly. Is there a strong need to be sexually desired? If so, why would that be?

I don't know. Trying to read between the lines here. I would guess there is more going on than the simple way you have framed the question.

I would think calling someone dear in a relationship is a nice thing. It is indicative of adoration, of a deeper feeling. Don't get me wrong, sexuality is exciting. But emotional connection is really where deep relationship is, in my opinion.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Back in the day a lot of men as well as women called their partner dear. Because to them it means precious, valuable. It wasn’t necessarily meant to refer to precious or valuable as in money wise, but emotionally. Someone who was so dear to your heart meant they meant a lot to you, even the world. It might just be an outdated term w younger kids these days, but even to this day I’ve heard older couples say that to one another.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

My late boyfriend used to call my caregiver 'Kiddo" which is very common where I live and people have been calling each other that since I can remember.
Then after two months of being around her, he started calling her "MY Dear" and I wasn't sure what to think about it.
To me it made me very uncomfortable and suspicious of them. When you think 🤔 about it "MY Dear" sounds loving personal rather than just calling her kiddo. Something changed between them and I used to cringe every time I would hear him say that to her. After all we were living together and I was his girlfriend/fiance and his Dear!!

dustybiker2 · Accepted Answer

Does he read? Into historical tv and movies? As someone else said maturity levels can make that sound normal. My man will say it from time to time but it usually is fitting a situation.

ohsheeT · Answer

It just means he more mature than some of us.

I mean , when I was in a relationship it was sugar butter. Or hey hooker where are you. Lol sometimes even witch. Lol or my. Little witch

See what I mean more mature lol

But there's more to the story on my part. And we would both laugh out loud

Finchie40 · Answer

Yea that’s something my grandmother would say. I couldn’t imagine a partner calling me that as well , but for each their own I guess. Just have a talk with him and tell him to call ya something different than my dear lol

Summeroflove · Answer

That’s your personal feelings about it and you just need to communicate respectfully how you feel. Sometimes it’s little things like that if you communicate it makes a HUGE difference

DishLady · Answer

It could just be a cultural thing.

HawkPerception · Answer

You should consider stating your opinion on the matter.

msc545 · Answer

The fact that he talks to you at all and apparently does so in a kind fashion should be enough for you really. I think examining language at the level you are suggesting becomes obsessive and honestly not very attractive. Let the man refer to you anyway that he wants to as long as it doesn't offend you.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

„Platonic“? As soon as he grabbed your boobs, there is no more platonic! 🧐

OneViewpoint · Answer

Your boyfriend is a time traveler from the "Gilded Age". Sounds like early 1890's. You're supposed to be calling him "my good fellow". It'll make him feel welcome in 2025.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Your boyfriend is anything but platonic and friendly from the way you describe him. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Mine calls me honey or my love.

Beckybooboo · Answer

I do call him dear when I'm pissed at him 😂 but normally I call him "honey". He calls me Becky...

slatyb · Answer

That's rather odd. I call her "babe" or "beautiful"

ShrunkenGuy · Answer

Was it proceeded by “Yes, “ ? Normally the case, heh. Oh he’s from California? Well are they allowed to call you anything non platonic or friendly there? lol

Caroline91 · Answer

Is he American? If not, it could be a cultural thing.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

That's for old ladies where I am from. Is he British or something?

Shiprex · Answer

Not much wrong with it, we call each other hun which has connotations from the world wars but we're not going to be upset by that.

serious · Answer

Well, I don't know maybe he is not too comfortable calling you in some other way.

Ask105 · Answer

He screwed with you already femme fatal dont worry you'll ruin it anyway

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I haven't called any girlfriends "dear." I think it sounds rather paternal. Like I'm the person's caretaker.

Nikki1989 · Answer

My dear always sounds like an expression a grandmother would use.

8008luvr · Answer

I definitely understand it feeling platonic, but I love it. It makes my heart do a little flutter whenever I hear it. It's just all personal preference

fonduegirl · Answer

You're overthinking.

SunnyCaliGirl · Answer

It wasn’t by a partner, but recently I had a physician call me dear during an appointment and it made me feel very grandma 😂

NotLongKindaGirthy · Answer

If it makes you feel better, when you're not around he calls you "Juggs."

Wise4myage · Answer

I think its ok as long as its not all the time and just now and then. But have you mentioned that it bothers you?

genericname85 · Answer

well i certainly wouldn't call a platonic friend "my dear".

Sudheerk · Answer

It's not important what we call to our partner but, important is how much love in it

qwerty2469 · Answer

I call her cunt. Stop being a cunt and appreciate his affection

SotiCoto · Answer

At a guess, you're just neurotic.

Staximus · Answer

Why are you worried about it?

AngryCarl2 · Answer

That's inappropriate.

FenixG45 · Answer

Not normally; I prefer Hon

Anonymous · Answer

Sweetie And she hates it 🙂

wkhan_87 · Answer

Yes very oftentimes

Myra01 · Answer

You should talk with him if you dont like it

Anonymous · Answer

I call mine princess ♥️ for princess addison ♥️

Anonymous · Answer

I'm single.

My boyfriend calls me, “my dear.” Why does it feel too platonic and friendly? Do you guys call your partners that?

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My boyfriend calls me, “my dear.” Why does it feel too platonic and friendly? Do you guys call your partners that?

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Is it weird to call your boyfriend darling?

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