Sort of off topic but I've had women literally try to quiz me with a list of questions that were obviously straight out of the latest issue of Cosmo. Just rapid fire and nonstop. Like they they were interrogating me. No attempt to hide it with any sort of conversational skill. OK, they get answers that are designed to be manipulative because now I'm pissed off.
LOL, one of them wrapped up the interview with "so, what are you looking for".
Me: Nothing.
Her: Blank stare on her face.
Me: You approached me and started chatting me up. What do you want?
Her: Confused silence.
Me: I'm just here listening to the band. I'm not looking for a girlfriend or a relationship.
Her: She walked away in silence.
Her: End of night she comes back over and hands me her bar receipt with her name and number written on the back of it.
Me: I'm probably not gonna call you.
Her: She kept pressing it into my hand.
Me: I didn't want to be rude or make a scene. I took it and left. Tossed the scrap of paper out the window on the way home.
Ladies, if you're that socially awkward / clueless and transparent in shopping for a boyfriend, you will almost certainly fail every time. It demonstrates the IQ of a squirrel. Maybe try coming up with your own questions based on your own insights and curiosity.
Pretty much the same thing every time. If a woman demonstrates that level of stupidity in the first 60 seconds, chances are she's not my type. If she can read a magazine article and believe a list of generic questions is going to be a simple checklist for dating success, there probably isn't much hope for her. If she's too lazy to observe and think and come up with insightful meaningful questions about me, I'm probably not interested in her.
Here is the information I found for you related to your question & I will leave the web address for the website at the bottom of the page.
The most important question to ask on a first date is one that helps you understand if you and your date are compatible and if there's potential for a deeper connection. This could be a question about their values, relationship goals, or how they approach important life aspects. Ultimately, the best questions are open-ended and encourage a meaningful conversation, allowing you to gauge their personality and see if their perspective aligns with yours. Here's why this approach is important: Reveals Compatibility: Questions about values, hobbies, and goals can highlight areas of common ground or potential conflicts early on. Facilitates Deeper Conversation: Open-ended questions encourage your date to share more than just surface-level information, allowing for a more meaningful exchange. Avoids Generic Responses: Questions that prompt a thoughtful response instead of a simple "yes" or "no" can be more revealing. Sets the Tone: Asking thoughtful questions shows you're genuinely interested and can set a positive tone for the rest of the date. Examples of good questions to spark meaningful conversation: "What are you most passionate about?" "What are some of your long-term goals?" "What are some of your favorite ways to spend your free time?" "What qualities do you value most in a relationship?" "If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?" This is the information that I found for you. "What's a personal goal you're currently working towards?"
By focusing on these types of questions, you can gain valuable insights into your date's personality, values, and aspirations, helping you determine if they are a good match for you.
Well I don’t know the first date doesn’t really have to be that deep you’re just meeting one another and there is a good chance you won’t really know where you want to go yet until you go on a couple more.
Being too invasive can chase someone off if you’re not careful, that goes for you as well if someone asked too many personal questions too quickly it might chase you away. It’s a date not a interrogation
@Rides_Big_Guys I have no interest in dating but if I was forced to date, then those would obviously be the questions to ask. I have another 50-60 on the list.
"Why did you decide to ask me out or what made you decide to go out with me?
You're cute and you seemed normal / nice. Why not get to know you?
"Another good one is what's your short term plans?" To have a nice evening. Are you shopping for wedding rings already?
"Last good one but you have to be careful with asking this one-what are you intentions with me?"
My intentions were to find out if you're someone I want to have around me. Got my answer. Check please. I'll take you home.
Seriously! What ever happened to having a conversation, getting to know each other, having a laugh and a bite to eat? You want to know my "plan" when I don't even know you? There is no plan beyond getting to know you. And I'm not kidding. If I get questions like that it screams "BAGGAGE" and I'm out of there.
Wow, you've watched all the videos and read all the Cosmo articles, haven't you? You know all the words... hostile, threatening, narcissist, intimidating, bully, aggression.
Puhlease! Your language when someone disagrees with you identifies you as yet another damaged woman with low social skills who goes right to canned arguments and buzzwords instead of rational arguments. Try thinking for a change.
Those are questions that should NEVER be asked on a first date. No matter how insecure you are and how much you're craving certainty in an uncertain situation. It will leave most men looking for the exit door because you're being socially awkward and revealing your insecurity. Pssst... that's not attractive. It's a huge red flag.
Actually those are questions that should never be asked. Those things should become apparent over time if you're paying attention to his words and actions. At most, those are conversations for a time when you've gotten to know each other well and you reach a tipping point... "do I keep investing time and effort in this guy or not?" That tipping point is NOT 5 minutes into a first date. Unless you want that date to last 10 minutes.
Agree or disagree. I don't really care if you want to live in your own private reality. I'm giving you honest feedback from a man's point of view. Ignore me and keep wondering why guys ghost your ass after a few dates. Not my problem.
How are you a grown man of 59 getting worked up over 2 girls half your age agreeing on what we believe to be good questions?
"Not my problem" You sure cared about this enough to write 5 paragraphs that really amount to nothing.
"Why did you decide to ask me out?" and "What are your intentions with me? Answer will tell me whether you're just here to get in my pants, if you're just playing the field, if you're looking to turn something serious.
"What are your short-term plans" is also pretty basic. Can be in the conversation when talking about careers, goals and general life.
FYI I've been with the same man for 5 years. And on our first date, we spent almost 3 hours just talking. And ALL these things were discussed, and more.
All you insecure dysfunctional women go for the age thing right off the bat. Or the "hostile" trope. Try using your brain for a change. It would be a refreshing shock to see one of you show some actual cognitive ability.
How am I getting worked up? I'm not. I'm just trying to point out the flaw in your thinking and do SimsLover92 a favor. I've had a tiny bit more experience than you and I'm a guy. But you know best, you're half my age and certain you have it all figured out. Go for it genius.
5 years and he hasn't put a ring on it! So what did he tell you his intentions were on that first date? Do you even remember? Now look at his actions. How'd your questions serve you?
Questions served me very well, actually. Not exactly the kind of "gotcha" moment you were hoping for.
I loved our first date. I remember it well. He had said he'd been dating around, looking to find the right vibe and eventually settle down. His plans, at the time, were to go back to school because he wanted to pursue an IT career and was debating on whether to study here in NYC or go to Florida. I shared that I wanted, which was also a something long term, that I didn't have fantasies over marriage, my own career goals and how I eventually want to move to Brno, Czechia near my family. All of those things opened up so many other questions to each other.
So yeah, I'll die on the hill that these are valid questions on a first date. I'd been on plenty of dates where the guy couldn't form half a cohesive sentence, had few to no aspirations, couldn't grasp the concept of critical thinking, and so on.
Now, if you'll excuse this "insecure dysfunctional" woman, I've got things to do 💁🏼♀️
@OneViewpoint It seems that you fit the typical description of a male, that has a tremendous issue with women wanting to feel safe on a first date and that want to make sure that the man in question is not an abusive person. You seem so adamant to verbally attack (if not physically - how knows) those that are cautious and ask pertinent questions.
Your reaction to @Simslover92 and @Sirenboobzilla is indicative of a man that cannot accept rejection and the fact that women may actually be much wiser than you would like us to be.
As someone who only ever dated with long term intentions, i favored the tougher questions early on. Why is she single? How does she feel about her exes? Does she recognize her own accountability for the failures of past relationships? The wrong answer to any of those questions saves us both a lot of time, energy and, as a man, money.
“Tell me about yourself” is a good one to start with I think, then you will see what he thinks is important to say about himself and you might have an opinion about what he focuses on or what he skips. JMO!
Problem is that people will only tell you what YOU want to hear and very seldom the truth. There will always be the twisting of a fact and that is why I would only ask very specific questions and not any that leave room for twisted answers.
@SueShe I think can usually tell if they are doing that, the reason I like to ask a general question is, he can brag or lie if he wants, I would rather he go ahead and do it early if that is the kind of person he is. That is not the say it is the only question I ask, I will also ask questions about whatever he mentions, that is just the beginning question.
There are usually a lot more than just one, and they‘d depend on what you yourself want from the other person, but I’d want to be clear what they’re looking for in a relationship because that’s something that needs to be aligned.
"Tell me about yourself" always worked for me. That leads to other questions, where you share info about each other, which is what a first date is all about.
Basically, why are you dating? What are your goals for a relationship in the short and long term? It's unwise to start a relationship with someone without establishing basic agreement on goals. We often see questions from women asking why their partner has not proposed after years. If you want to be married, find out early whether you date feels the same way. Similarly with the desire for children. Having agreed that the goal is marriage, don't wait more than about 18 months for a proposal.
What are your goals, your passions, what drives you, gets you out of bed every day, and what are you currently doing right now to that end.
Assuming they'll be honest about it and not give you some generic, canned answer. This question will give you the biggest depth of the person. Whether they're a dreamer, whether they're realistic, how much follow through they have etc. And from there you can build around that question. Ask follow ups questions, ascertain details, etc. In my opinion that'll tell you whether you're even like minded enough to make a potentially serious go of it.
Were you friends first? There are things you need to know, name, age, views on premarital sex, and life goals. However, name age, and life goals may have already been covered while you were friends. Maybe views on premarital sex, but definitely the other 3. My fiancée was my friend before becoming my girlfriend and therefore I knew her name and age. I didn't know what she saw as her future or her views on premarital sex. Once we discovered that it was more than friendship, we went on a date and discussed these two things.
What’s something you’re currently passionate about—not from your past, but right now?" Why It Works: Unlocks authenticity – Forces them beyond rehearsed "fun facts." Exposes energy – Do their eyes light up? Or do they shrug? Big tells. Future-focused – Reveals if they’re growing or stagnant. Bonus: If they flip it back, you’ve got a mutual vibe check.
I always ask a person to tell me something they are afraid of or embarrassed about. For some reason people feel more comfortable after you make them uncomfortable and relate to it. Try it it does wonders to get rid of the awkward nervousness of meeting someone for the first time.
I never asked any questions on a first date, nor would I expect them. I think it's all about having a good time and set the framework for subsequent dates. If things click into place and there are more dates, there will be time to ask questions.
Good question! I'm not sure. It depends on when you met them. If you were friends before the conversation would flow more naturally than if you just met. I'm more easygoing, so I would leave the scary questions for later. I enjoy deep conversations though there are levels of deepness. What's a question you would ask?
Ask about future aspirations. If the other person wants to leave the country, or you have a mismatch for children, you want to know early. But only when it feels like part of the conversation. Wanting to cram things in a first date just makes it like a strange experience. Have a drink with the person, be curious about who they are.
Do you believe in sex on a first date? If the answer is yes, the date is over. I never had a one night stand. I always waited at least two months before adding sex to the relationship. I required a committed relationship before adding sex.
@oswaldcobblepot Because how you treat your mother is most likely how you will treat your wife. It's like women who grew up with abusive fathers will most likely also marry an abusive husband.
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