What's better, friends to lovers or immediate lovers?

Question

I personally think being friends first is better than being with someone right off the bat in most cases. But what do you guys think?

Pearl222 · Accepted Answer

Always in favour of friends to lovers.
Personally, I think that is the only way to really fall in love; because you get to know the person completely and gradually over time and start liking everything about them from their quirks and flaws to their strength and beauty.

Immediate love, may work for some people, but so far; I’ve never experienced it.

ChooChooHaha · Accepted Answer

F to L.

I lived it.

And even though the ending was horrid, I don't regret it. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The only thing I regret about it, was sometimes not doing enough. Being affectionate, being present. Understanding I shouldn't have said some things at some points. Etc.

Summeroflove · Answer

Both can be amazing relationships don’t get me wrong but the higher the risk the higher the payout… Friends to lovers can be risky because sometimes one person can catch feelings while the other one doesn’t. At the same time these can be the most beautiful relationship despite the risk of the relationship fails it can not only ruin the relationship but a friendship. I definitely believe in starting off slowly to make sure it’s going to work before jumping head first into it.

Having that genuine connection and friendship where you already know one another. Know one another’s interest's as well as have a sense if you’re going to be compatible or not. Sometimes people can fake it when you’re meeting someone on a date just to realize later they aren’t really who they seem.

I think having that genuine connection says a lot about a relationship. It’s not just sexual or materialistic you genuinely like one another.

ohsheeT · Answer

You have to be friend before you and be anyone else. And that time that bond that you both grow learning who each other is.

Is what maje the moment from friend to lover so hot real and intense and if you dud it right that friendship to lover to becoming one is the most beautiful feeling that starts the love affair

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Too many guys who tried to be friends first have heard that statement, "But I don't want to take a chance on ruining our friendship!" That statement is aggravating and irritating beyond belief. I never got violent with a girl who said that, but I certainly had some violent impulses on a few occasions.

No, when I was dating, a lady knew from the beginning that I was not pursuing a platonic relationship.

AviatorTom · Answer

How do you define better? Taking time for a relationship to develop or a relationship that happens immediately... each can be very good.

Purpleronnie · Answer

From your choice I’m the friend to lover guy , but let me explain as I don’t want to be misunderstood.

I’m not saying that my relationships have went from platonic to sexual or romantic that’s an absurd idea to me and likely most. They ALL started with chemistry and I generally want to take the time during that initial period to ‘get to know’ them without being emotionally tied to them which can easily be implied when the physical side of a relationship starts prematurely. Course that does mean thinking with my head and not my D*** , but that’s just one aspect of maturity and more of a learned experience
Getting to know them , they’re personalities , how they communicate , values , long term goals , how they deal with conflict , shared interests etc etc. This I believe is absolutely fundamental to building a meaningful relationship. How long this period is depends on a million little things but there is no rush. Personally I feel this is one of the most exciting parts of a new relationship and also really necessary to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Clearly as we are human and can find ourselves easily skipping some or all of that first part … blaming hormones or alcohol etc but this just makes the next steps even more challenging to navigate assuming there are any.

There is likely much evidence that immediate lovers works amongst your friends and colleagues and it’s likely much more exciting to think you could also have this but for me it’s never been worth the gamble.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Depends. Are you both just looking for short term smoking hot sex? Ships passing in the night? A 3 month torrid affair? Or do you both want a long term relationship with marriage at the end of the rainbow?

If it's the latter, I'd be a lot more concerned about really getting to know the person, their values, decision making, friends, career choices, hobbies, bad habits LOL, how they fight/argue, empathy, political and religious beliefs. In this case, I'd take it slow. Like very slow. Lots of observations over a long period of time. Is this a person I can live with?

TrimmedTip · Answer

Friends-to-lovers wins long-term, but immediate lovers has its fiery perks.

Friends first means you already vibe emotionally, trust each other’s weirdness, and skip the awkward "So… do you like me?" phase. The slow burn? Chef’s kiss. But risk getting stuck in the friendzone forever.

Immediate lovers is all passion—no patience. Hot? Absolutely. But without friendship, it’s like microwaving a soufflé: intense fast, collapses faster.

Verdict: Want a fling? Jump in. Want a soulmate? Build the friendship first. (Or gamble and do both—why not?)

But what’s your story?

exitseven · Answer

I think that changing the dynamic between two friends of the opposite sex can be awkward. I had a female friend and one night she confessed that she had feelings for me. I did not know what to say. She really was my best friend. We always had fun when we were together and we could tell each other anything. After this happened I began to think that maybe it would be a good idea that we would be together. It seemed to make sense. So I told her that I was falling for her. She did not say anything and seemed to ignore me. Things got a little weird after that. She went away for grad school and I never heard from her again.

Keyboardkat · Answer

This has happened to me once, I think, and the feeling is absolutely AMAZING! The question is, does it last? This one didn't (which was, I guess, my fault). But remember, if you've just come out of a bad breakup, you can suddenly "fall in love with" someone just because your emotions are in turmoil and you're looking for a harbor. This is akin to using someone as a band-aid while you're hurting. But when we heal, we tear off band-aids. This isn't a fair thing to do to someone!

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It depends.. I personally see both as fine. Tho I guess it is easier to be friends first so the sexual stuff isn't rushed and you can take time getting to know them and see if you really like each other. But I have known guys who make great friends but bad boyfriends, so there is that too plus I don't like being friends after a breakup so you also lose a friend if it don't work lol.

HighValue · Answer

If they are friends first, and one is in a relationship with someone else, it shows likelihood that they were emotionally cheating on their ex partner, developing an emotional connection to the new/current person. It could also show that their new/current partner wasn't their first choice and after getting ran through, now they hope that person will still accept t hem.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Friends to lovers is the best.. There's nothing like getting to know somebody and falling for them, and the feeling of that initial intimacy.. But, I don't think "friends first" is necessarily the best option.. I think a balance is where it's at.. Getting to know them while dating them.. Or just dating the person you actually like and are attracted to..

I feel like so many pass up great potential mates, because of one thing or another..

loveslongnails · Answer

There are advantages to either, but if you don't have that immediate chemistry, the slow burn method obviously takes time and might not come to fruition for the woman. Most guys are not good at the "friends first" method, so sorting through the fuckboys if you're a woman, is a bit tricky.

nawtee_me · Answer

It depends. Friends to lovers sounds romantic but in a lot of cases lovers don’t remain friends if it doesn’t work out. Not always but in most cases.
Lovers becoming best friends over time seems the best option because it means they stuck it out through the hard times that built the friendship.
But that is just my opinion….

dragoblack · Answer

Friends to lovers is the most stable, but sadly, many go for the immediate lovers route because the sex is good and many women worry about ruining friendships or making it awkward if it doesn't work out; but, immediate lovers tend to be the most abusive, toxic, and unstable, especially when the sex gets boring.

Screenwriter · Answer

I think it's likely that you know someone better who was a friend first. Sometimes people are blinded by their lust for each other and things fizzle out. But when you have a basis like friendship, you know who you're dealing with.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I don’t mince words or shy away from what I want  So I wouldn’t pretend to be friends with a woman I’m interested in dating But I do believe being lovers AND friends is very important

Tarifa · Answer

Friends to lovers seems like the obvious choice. Only that, if things go bad, you will be losing a good friend  and  a partner. I don't think there's a way back to pure friendship.

abc3643 · Answer

IMMEDIATE LOVERS = VERY VERY VERY VERY BAD. Trust me on this - I am paying a terrible price because of this.

Twalli · Answer

Studies show that friends that later become lovers have better and longer relationships. It allows for a better relationship, because you already have things you enjoy doing together, so nonromantic dates are fun for both of you.

Shiprex · Answer

Something that grows over time brings more developed deeper bonding than a flash in the pan fireworks type of start

ariadneR · Answer

Friends to lovers first. Because if for any reason it goes south at least later on down the road you can regain that friendship.

JohnnyB123321 · Answer

My longest relationship stated as friends then hookup stuff then dated. The love life bounced around a little when she was processing where we were moving.

jazzy34 · Answer

Hmm, I'd rather get to know the guy first, "as friends", LOL.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Or just be friends, less crap to put up with.

Dongie · Answer

Oh, I agree! The foundation is there, things are known and you still fell. Its heaven, or would be if it happened to me.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It depends but usually if you were friends in the beginning, things will be easier and you'll know eachother more!

KostasKouvalis · Answer

definitely friends. You already know each other.  The foreign users must've voted A

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

chandler and monica worked because they were friends first. why they all sudden said "I love you", i dont know

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's far more exciting and rewarding to start off as acquaintances, move to being friends, and eventually become lovers

qwerty2469 · Answer

Friends to lovers is a tragedy. When its over your lose a friend. They are harder to come by then lovers. Totally not worth it.

Jltakk · Answer

Perfect world, friends to lovers. You know so much about each other at that point.

BadApple69 · Answer

Friends to lovers is best.

cora1 · Answer

Friends to lovers for sure!

Spaceman3487 · Answer

I have only had one girl that was friends to lovers and I came so fast it would blow your mind. It is waaaay better friends to lovers.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

I think it depends on the couple.

WonderingManII · Answer

Friends to Lovers

Pohjolan · Answer

I'm not going to pursue friends romantically.

Jerre · Answer

Same as you, friends to lovers

Woke51 · Answer

Enemies to lovers

Anonymous · Answer

Internet, lovers

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Lovers to enemies 😌

WhitneySnow · Answer

Friends

Phoenix98 · Answer

Probably A.

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