Why do most women still expect men to do and pay for everything on a first date?

Question

They claim to what equality and are against traditional gender roles, but when it comes to dating they still expect men to adhere to their traditional role. So ladies, please explain yourselves.

MrNameless · Accepted Answer

A lot of traditional guys exist, and they were raised to pay for everything so that they will do so. So as long as those traditional guys exist, and she's brought up that way or had exes like that, she's going to expect that from her partner.

As a man, I don't mind paying for the first date or 2 or 3, and I appreciate it when she offers to pay. When she doesn't on the 2nd or 3rd (even if I pay), that's a red flag for me, and that she might not be compatible with me.

I know that bringing up finances as a man is tough. However, it needs to be addressed before you get serious, and you can't expect the woman to bring it up. So bring it up before you get serious, if you already do'nt know by end of date 3. "What's your view on finances? What do you expect from me?"

I think roles are changing slightly. Women can make more money than men (there are more women with degrees than men), and women are struggling to balance their careers (career woman) and wanting a family. In contrast, so many men are used to the notion of being the breadwinner and feel emasculated when their woman makes more. However, suppose his partner is earning significantly more. In that case, he may be concerned about taking on her responsibilities, which he may not be comfortable with, and this could be the underlying reason why he wants to be the "breadwinner." Generally, men tend to prefer women who earn less, and vice versa. Women are now demanding more from their partners than previous generations did. They want men to help around the house more, be more emotionally available, and spend time with their kids, which I know younger men have been doing.

The only advice I can give to men is... Make yourself a high-value and well-rounded man. Whether you date and potentially marry a woman who is traditional or more equal 50-50 (truthfully, it's never 50-50), learn as much as you can to be as independent as possible, so you don't have to rely on her. Get in the habit of cleaning, cooking, fixing stuff around the house, being financially savvy, and being a good father (if you have kids), and always asking and communicating about each other's needs. If you have all these things, women will see your value,

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

Many want men to adhere to their traditional gender roles, lead, protect, provide, be courtly and gentlemanly, approach women, ask them out, plan the dates, open doors, pay.

Women? They get to be empowered career women, promiscuous, free and liberated. They get to do whatever they want anytime they want and if their boyfriend or husband objects... he is controlling. She has no role. She is just free to do anything she wants. Hanging out alone with guys. Dinners with guy friends, going out alone to clubs until 3 am, wearing thongs at the beach, posting sexy stuff publicly, putting career above the family... anything she wants. The man should just support it all or else he is controlling or insecure.

Guys have this huge list of responsibilities to women. Women? No responsibilities at all. Empowered and free. Women used to be chaste and would have kids and the man would agree to care for her.

Now kids is oppression. Tons of women are just tattooed, drinking party girls having hot girl trips, bachelorette parties, posting sexy stuff getting tons of DMs from dudes but guys need to pay and court and be gentlemen. Not all but a lot of women expect things to play out this way.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I never said I was against traditional gender roles, I'll cook and clean as long as I'm treated with respect. As for who pays the bill, I expect the man to pay for it most of the time. In my husband's culture 50/50 is seen as strange and out of place, I asked few times if he wanted to split the bill and he actually got offended. While American men want the woman to fulfill traditional gender roles and pay for half of everything at the same time. It's time for more women to become a passport sis.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

The ROI of getting all gussied up and making time for the guy is to have the guy cover transportation and food/entertainment.

HOWEVER first dates aren’t supposed to be high-investment dates either. Meeting for drinks and apps ($20-$50) or for coffee ($10-$25) should last about 1hr max and are enough for the guy to figure out that he does or doesn’t want to pursue this gal (who spends $50-$100 getting an outfit, hair done, makeup, etc).

ohsheeT · Answer

Because there's a lot of us that, like women and we like taking women out and if we take a woman out it's because we like her, we wan to get to know her we wanted data, we wantedna become a good friend with her so that's why I work so I have money. So I can do what I want to do when I want to do it and

If that is asking a girl out.
Anyplace I'm asking her out, so I'm going to pay for it.

I don't care what. Anybody?
Thinks I don't care what anybody's gonna say I'm going to do it my way. If I don't have any money i'm not gonna ask a girl out

And if she has a problem with it then she can take me out the next night

And if that doesn't work, then I guess I'll just picked the wrong person to take out on a date so I'll find another one.

AviatorTom · Answer

From my dating experience, I think many women believe they are doing me a favor in going out with me, so I should pay. It's only after the the first date that they might realize I'm a pretty good guy, deserving of real interaction, more than a favor.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Enough said

Avicenna · Answer

That’s not my experience with middle aged women with professional jobs. Younger women do expect those things, and I expect that.

Lliam · Answer

Pussy ass, losers expect women to pay for a first date. They are not gentlemen, don't treat women as ladies, don't appreciate them, and demonstrate that they are, by nature, low class, domineering, money grubbers who treat women like shit.

These are red pill guys with chips on their shoulders and should be avoided.

Unless their taste in women tends toward those who look expensive and act like they're the shit, it's pathetic to treat every woman as a gold digger or feminist.

When I asked a woman out, I paid for the date and used it as opportunity to get to know her. I could tell after one date if she was someone I wanted to see again. And, if I didn't, the price of the date was inconsequential.

HighValue · Answer

Here's the truth: Women that want men to pay, but don't fulfill her traditional roles means she is a pro$t1tute. Literally because it is conditional on financial benefit for her.

Traditional for a woman would be she is a virgin until marriage, no social media, no clubbing/girls nights out, no past drug use, does her share around the house, defers to the man's decisions, etc.

Most women want the traditional (preferential) treatment from men, while the women are not traditional at all.

CheriBlossomKisses · Answer

Equality and equity have nothing to do with dating. You can't take away people's rights or prevent them from getting on equal footing just because dating is hard. People who fail to understand this are walking red flags.

Dating has to do with the social norms of the culture, the beliefs of the individual and human sexual behavior (the latter which currently favors women). The former is currently changing in the U. S., and the latter can only change if there are a limited amount of men. The second point I belive to be the crux of the issue: the reasons why women pay or don't.

For some, women didn't seek men out. Men did. And even though men are majority who ask for dates thus leading them to always pay, there are reasons why (again, referencing the risks that women take while dating). Some women believe in paying their own meal or switching off for dates... and that is their prerogative. But I believe the former is most likely the case.

RingOfFire · Answer

Here we go again... because millions of years of evolution and nature designed men physically, physiologically and mentally to be the providers and protectors in a family relationship. They are built for it, they are programmed for it and that is what women naturally expect and want from them. That's why women find men paying for dates to be attractive.

No, men and women are NOT the same. Males and females each have different and distinct roles in the healthy family unit which is the building block of a healthy society (herd) and the foundation for nature's number one priority for the human species: survival. The reason we are here today is that the great majority of the herd knows what its gender role is, what role they are designed for, and behaves accordingly. Without that we wouldn't be here today to talk about it.

So the answer is NATURE.

2_beHappy · Answer

We don t really have to explain ourselves
It s just something polite to do, since you re (presuming) the one who invites her.
And, to be honest, most men I met LOVE to spoil their girlfriends pe wives or even dates, not to mention they get to brag about their financial status

InknKink · Answer

Because it's a demonstration of positive male qualities. Women find it attractive.

And my general observation is that most women are not all about equality and against traditional gender roles. On paper, sure, but in the context of a romantic relationship, women are still women.

McLlovin · Answer

Who asked who on a date? If the man asked her out then he should pay for wherever he decides to take her. Thats just being fair. If you decided to go to an expensive restaurant then thats on you for being dumb when you dont got the cash. Dont need to go out to somewhere expensive, especially a first date.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It's because men constantly lie and make up whole persona's to get the pussy. So if you want women to waste their time with you then you better prove you are worthwhile and willing to get to know her or move along you pussy ass bitch.. The only thing men have to offer women is money so show your worth pussies because we can make our own money and dildo's can usually do a better job.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

It's simple. They want the benefits a traditional male will provide them and feel entitled to it, but at the same time they want nothing to do with the toils of being a traditional woman would create for them.

Basically they want the benefits and not the sacrifice to be traditional. Personally, just make women pay for the date... if they don't want to they can go find @InknKink because he seems to be all about dealing with them.

Kayla45 · Answer

It’s just founded on old tradition. Usually an expectation that men are providers, which isn’t necessarily the case anymore.

It's more common that both partners have jobs and work mainly because of how expensive everything is getting.

Her expecting the guy to foot the dinner bill is ridiculous and an outdated perspective. I think splitting the bill as in he pays for his food, she pays for hers, is much more fair.

lilBigPotato · Answer

Because most guys still offer it. I don't care if he pays for my stuff, but if most guys do it, it raises a certain expectation. Just the same way the restaurant expects you to tip or other stupid customariness.

So, if you want to change anything, stop doing it and ignore the people who dump you for it. If all men do that, then women's expectations will change too.

beenherebefore · Answer

I'm not a feminist nor I necessarily agree with equality. I believe that men and women have very different roles in our society. Who who expect such things but still want to be girl boss are f*cking hypocrites. You can't have it all.

aquamint · Answer

Probably because both our father and mother said that’s what a man should do, especially if he’s the one asking you on a date.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Because if the guy asks you out he should pay for the pleasure of your company. If you ask him out the roles are reversed. It gets more equal once you’ve been dating for a while.

itsannalee · Answer

Because i am traditional woman. So I don’t date those men who ask for date but can’t even afford my cheap dinner.  If i can do everything by myself, what for need a man? Their fuck stick?

queenofcardio · Answer

It's just one of those things that's always assumed to happen. It doesn't always happen though. I think it's definitely more common now to split on first dates or at least each person to pay for their own meal.

Abbycado · Answer

@hollyk21 get a load of the sob stories in the replies. Lol

jshm2 · Answer

LOL, get real kiddo.

Payment is among the things you discuss before the date happens, so you each know what to expect.

Most of the time it's because the guy didn't plan to pay, but she sprung it on the fool.

Anonymous · Answer

Because that's just the way it works. It shows he is respectful and values her time and company.

CuriousFlo03 · Answer

I don't think it's a bad thing. As long as the guy chooses a place that fits his budget. In my personal experience since I worked on my social skills and fashion, more and more women have paid for the first date. I would say it currently lands at 50% of the first dates I got to. They may for it without me asking.

Which brings me to the main point: likeability. If she likes you , most of the issues she has with other men go out of the window.

Curious_Wife · Answer

I don't expect anything, but it's nice if the guy asks a girl out and offers to pay on the first date... I'm old school.

BUT - after dating and a relationship begins, I believe going out should be a shared expense... the guy should definitely not pay every time.

mysteriousNicholas · Answer

They also expect him to have a car, his own house, so much more 🤑🤑🤑💰.. only the alpha males should, I'm glad that I keep to my own knitting and my own expenses 😎 single bliss

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

I believe this is not really a problem, but more of an internet rabbit hole. It happened probably to.0001% of first dates, yet interwebs blew it up for everyone

Flower7 · Answer

Not all women are feminists or have a desire for equality.

Nikki1989 · Answer

So you know “most” women?  That must keep you busy!

Bricealan · Answer

My lady friend in Oceanside, split everything, and she always splits, meals, theatre, travel evenly with me.

exitseven · Answer

If you are a guy it is time you act like one and pay for the date.

WhiteThought · Answer

Women only want equality when it benefits them. Don't get it twisted, a man SHOULD pay for everything on the first date. However, a woman should not expect it, and be fully prepared to pay.

Twalli · Answer

The person asking the other one out should pay. Once they're a couple my view is that the man should always be able to pay but not be expected to pay every time. Seeing as men generally ask the girl out, he should pay.

SaoirseS · Answer

I don't, and don't know any woman who does.

LiamJHayden · Answer

If you ask then expect to pay. If you want to have each pay for what he or she orders discuss it beforehand.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Because it’s one date, it is an opportunity for a man to show he can at a minimum plan activities and take responsibility.

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

Because men should even if she isn't interested. The real test is to see if she doesn't care if you eat fast food on a first date

Pohjolan · Answer

Because its a unfalsifiable costly signal. Its the same reason why they like expensive design bags that are not even better than cheaper ones.

Dargil · Answer

To me, it is a matter of who did the inviting and who chooses the venue.

robocop666 · Answer

sadistic women makes fun of men splitting the bill

Anonymous · Answer

Tradition. But if you pick the right woman she'll offer. I'll say more than half the women I've dated have.

WhyohWhy69 · Answer

We pay for our outfit and makeup. That is usually more than a soup and sandwich at the Sizzler.

jahaims · Answer

They want all the benefits of equality without the negatives

grega239 · Answer

Because theyre hypocrites. Because they want their cake and eat it too.

slatyb · Answer

The asker should pay for the date.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Because they are all whores at the core.

Ariesman81 · Answer

They got a get something for the pussy

dudeinohio · Answer

It is traditional and i always do it.

Anonymous · Answer

Because of the damn patriarchy.

On_cloud_wine · Answer

I don’t

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on who asks

Seangreen · Answer

Entitlement

Anonymous · Answer

@Peytonix

Why do most women still expect men to do and pay for everything on a first date?

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