What do guys want women to understand about dating from their perspective?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

For the love of God please approach us instead of making us come to you. If a man approaches a woman odds are roughly 3 to 1 you'll be rejected as a woman if you approach a man assuming he's not taken it's almost a sure bet. We're scared to approach you because...

1. We're worried we'll come across as creepy.

2. We're worried we're going to catch a charge for something we didn't do.

3. y'all need to find out what it's like to be on our end because y'all have no idea how good woman have it compared to men. there's a reason the male suicide rate is 3X that of woman and men are twice as likely to have a heart attack. The amount of stress and effort men have to put into just existing as a man in this world is literally killing us. I feel like woman have this perspective that if they were a man all their societal and status problems would go away but it would actually make it way, way worse.

Also, something else I wish more women were open too especially in this economy is going on dates Dutch style or better still were ok with reversed rolls in the relationship. I struggle greatly from stress anxiety, depression and PTSD to the point I can't hold down a job. I want someone to love desperately though and I'm perfectly fine doing the cooking cleaning taking care of the kids etc if my partner is paying the rent.

Honestly, I'd prefer that. I like taking care of people I care about I just have more of a nurturing and caretaking nature. I'm perfectly happy making breakfast packing lunch helping the kids with homework making sure they don't get into trouble and cleaning but there isn't really a high demand for that kind of reversed roll and most woman find the concept emasculating and unattractive.

A lot of the well-paying jobs that are more for men are disappearing due to new tech and more men are failing and dropping out of collage than ever. Woman meanwhile have never been more successful in collage before in American history nor have woman ever made as much compared to men. The wage gap isn't real in fact many women are making more than men because many of the good jobs are now in the service industry which is female dominated mostly.

[castema]

bruh.. i enjoy finding a way to approach a girl... :/

[CuriousFlo03]

Mate , this won't work. The simple fact of approaching a woman is attractive in itself. You being scared of approaching makes you unattractive, which defeats the purpose. Approaching women actually gives you an edge. You can be average looking and short but if you learn how to approach women properly this will make you more attractive than the shy good looking guy.

[Opinion Owner]

@CuriousFlo03 I do approach woman properly I'm just not good enough apparently consistently. Just because I'm scared doesn't mean I'm not doing it I'm just consistently failing because no one will give me a chance. And no being average looking isn't good enough. Meeting people in person is almost impossible now a days so everything happens online which means you have to use dating apps, but woman only swipe right on 7s and up most of the time. The only woman who swipes on fives are usually 3s and I'm sorry I don't want to be shallow, but I do want my partner to be healthy enough I don't burry them in ten years' time. They don't have to be skinny, they don't have to have big breasts or anything like that just healthy and that's enough for me to swipe right. Still no matches except bots and whores plugging only fans. You're just factually wrong.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t think that you’re idea of flirting is necessarily going to show us you’re interested. Most of the times I have been flirted with, it was a to make fun of me, it was a manipulation tactic (“I’m suddenly mildly “useful.”), so I’m wary of it.


If you’re interested, show it (and more than “I tapped your shoulder for a second”, or “I looked at you with dilated pupils” or my feet were pointed at you” stuff.) Good guys get called creeps, weirdos, pervs, etc very quickly, so a lot of us are not going to respond to kindness (past kindness back, maybe) because we’re called names for “assuming” when we thought it was obvious.


Women are nice to me (usually when they want something). But outside of possible friendships, women don’t bother. I don’t get flirted with, I don’t get complimented by women (outside of maybe work, or occasionally “that’s a funny shirt.”). I haven’t been genuinely flirted with (since my last girlfriend, maybe once) in over a decade. It’s probably been almost that long since I was even FAKE flirted with (either to toy with me or to try to get something).


Coffee dates are fine first dates. I know I’m not spending 100 bucks at dinner until date four or later, especially when I’ve been ghosted or stood up in the past.

[Nikki1989]

Who knows what men are thinking? I think it is very obvious that most of them don't even know.

[Speaking_Frankly]

Still jilted and salty?

[ohsheeT]

First uf all she has to understand every man is different. We are all not the same.. you have nice guys. Bad guys. Guy who love guys who hate. Guy that are happy guys that want to control guys who are happy guys that are depressed. If it's your first date. You have to listen to every word. Watch body language watch the way they move their eyes the way they say their words and what they are saying. And to who they are saying it to listen for the tone in the voice. Everything you find out that night or day. Will determine on if you go out on another day. If you don't know how to read guys.
Then they're gonna pull the wool over. You're gonna think they're nice kind and all the wool under your eyes. And come to find out they are jackasses or worse.

Nine times out of ten you have to go with your gut feelings. But then look at it again

That's only if you're getting serious with the guy. If you're just going out to have a good time fun meet somebody then do just that

[Speaking_Frankly]

1) We are not mind readers. We prefer direct communication over infantile hints or vague language. Even if it's a rejection, we'd prefer knowing up front over having our time wasted being from being strung along.

2) We're not all the same. Even in my friendship groups, the men have very different personalities with only so many shared interests. It figures that they'd have different romantic relationship traits. If the men you dated are "all the same", perhaps you should take an introspective look, understanding you are the common denominator picking the same type of man. Your "type" you agree to date isn't working.

3) Don't be afraid to approach. A decent man isn't going to assume you're "easy" by you making the first move. Some men may find it odd because of the expectations of gender roles. If I feel an initial attraction to a woman approaching me, I'd more than likely say yes. Even if a man rejects you, he'd prefer to be open but nor humiliate you in public because he knows his own reputation is at stake with witnesses.

4) Don't belittle the male experience, especially when you say your time is valuable or that you have to go to all this trouble with clothing and makeup. Men have to build themselves up socially and professionally for years and deal with rejection after rejection to even have have a chance with you, let alone muster the courage to ask you out.

[DishLady]

And yet all too often it’s the guy stringing the girl along.

[Speaking_Frankly]

@DishLady The OP asked for things from a man's perspective, not for your whataboutery.

[Cice369]

It's no secret that dating has become increasingly challenging for men. The rise of the "tea app" – where women share information about their romantic exploits with others – highlights the unfair distribution of attention. We're often ignored (95% of men), while a tiny fraction (top 5%) reap all the benefits.

This isn't just a matter of men being shy or uncertain; it's also tied to fear of mislabeling themselves in a post-MeToo world. The MeToo movement has created an environment where men are hesitant to approach, fearing they'll be mistaken for something they're not.

I've tried speed dating, and it was a grueling experience – part job interview, part interrogation. While it's not ideal, I believe it's better than the dating app landscape. Here, women often use apps as a way to "shit test" their boyfriends or recruit followers for social media.

The problem is that most men are being held back by the very system they're trying to navigate. Women on TikTok and YouTube lament about where the good men have gone – but when men do approach them, it's often not what they want. This creates a vicious cycle where men avoid approaching altogether, and women end up stuck with less desirable options.

To add insult to injury, fewer men are pursuing higher education, making it harder for women who don't want to be single to find suitable partners. Colleges and universities have become seen as finishing schools rather than opportunities for personal growth and development – a trend that's having far-reaching consequences on our society.

I'd love to see some change in this landscape. Maybe by acknowledging the 95/5 window, we can start a conversation about how to level the playing field and create a more equitable dating world for everyone.

[CuriousFlo03]

Everything you said is right. I have been struggling with those things for years. Thankfully it's better now, I can get dating options despite all of this. I'm curious:What would you say is your main challenge when it comes to dating today? The main thing stopping you?

[Danny_dan92]

Learn how to differentiate being single and being in a relationship.




There are things that (if you use reason) are acceptable only when single vs. when decide to be in a committed relationship.


For example. People in today’s world post certain provocative pictures on the internet to attract a mate and or see who finds them attractive.




Many women have claimed this to not be the case but I call bull because there was a handful of times where I reacted to a woman’s post of this nature and next thing I knew it went from a conversation to us having sex.


That being said, if you cannot relinquish seeking mass validation and attention when in a relationship? Stay single. And that goes both ways

[genericname85]

The men you decide to contact on dating sides are usually very far above whatever you can hope to get. that's just my personal experience. i'm not a conceited or arrogant person. but the girls who text me first are usually very obviously less attractive than i am. i'm not saying i'm the prettiest boy in the world. i consider myself maybe a 6-7 but i'm contacted by 2-3 girls. i know this sounds terribly superficial but we all have standards and girls have to learnt hat fuck boys triyng to fuck them 24/7 doesn't mean they're high value girls for men who are looking for something serious.

[SeekerOfTruth007]

As a post on Quora pointed out, the typical woman in the USA thinks the typical man makes between 300k and 1 million dollars per year, when in reality the average man makes more like 45k when you average all age groups and races.

My experience when dealing with women about this issue.

If the woman makes 20k per year, she thinks she deserves a man who makes at least 300k.

If the woman makes 50k per year, she thinks she deserves a man who is a millionaire.

If the woman is already a millionaire, then only a billionaire can satisfy her. Then when she gets the billionaire, she divorces him and tries to steal half his net worth.

You know what? To hell with women.

[CuriousFlo03]

Not accurate. Until very recently I was flat broke but still enjoying a variety of women.

[MikeMcMansion]

They also think they’re gonna be just as hot when they’re 38, and that they can wait to have a kid then as well. Which they can, and hopefully they’re not autistic when they’re born. But it’s gonna be difficult to make more than one at that age.

[MikeMcMansion]

@CuriousFlo03 Would they quit their job and give you kids and be a loyal wife though?

Maybe you bagged a few 4s or 5s that would right? But no outstanding and fit ones do that until their in their late 30s these dats

[CuriousFlo03]

@MikeMcMansion again false. Feel free to message me privately if you have questions. A lot of the things you're saying are not accurate, but I'm willing to discuss.

[Stevepro68]

I cannot speak for women.. This is just my opinion but I think women see dating as a path to an ultimate goal. Security, monogamy, marriage whatever. Most men are not dating for the future rather for the experience of it. They have no long term plan of dating that women. Basically it's way more shallow and less calculating for most men not all.

[Asker]

So you believe the majority of men want nothing but a few flings or only the casual?

[Stevepro68]

No what I am saying is they are not planning the future out and judge based on limited data of a few visits. They are living in the moment if it comes to marriage or relationships that will evolve over time. It never considered or thought about in the early stages.

[MikeMcMansion]

Polls state that the more of men want children and loyalty than women and are more afraid and rightfully so of being screwed over in family court or cheated on/dumped quickly.

I myself was screwed over in family court and I’m probably an eight when I had hair so I dated around and I noticed I was pressured for sex more often it was too quick for me to get turned on so I had to get a prescription for Viagra because these hoes wanted the D so quickly, It went against everything I was used to and how I was raised. It made me nervous, I wanted a relationship not just a one night stand. Because I thought if they’re going to do it this quickly with me how many times have they done this and it was repulsive.

My employees and other young men, I’ve talked to feel the same way. They want loyalty. Young women have literally any option in the world, all they Gotta do is not be fat. They could customize their guy with filters and actually find the exact one physically that they want.

It’s only the same way for the top 1% and looks and top 1% financially for men

[McLlovin]

Please and thank you goes a long way. Sometimes offer to pay.. genuinely, it shows your not just some make a wish kid trying to get a free dinner and also its thoughtful. Probably will through him off and put you in a better light.

We are simple. Dont be selfish, actually think about what he might want not just what can please you and what hoop he must jump through to win you over. Ladies we love you but you can be very selfish sometimes in your thought process.

[DonaldDarko]

There really isn't any understanding involved, the whole thing is instinct based or you wouldn't even be dating in the first place. You can talk and talk for ever but instinct won't change when it comes to men and women. Jungle law is all there is.

[CuriousFlo03]

What you said here hits me. It's true we all move by instinct and it's a sad reality when it comes to dating. I'm curious: what would the main thing currently stopping you from enjoying a healthy dating life?

[LiamJHayden]

Which guys? From my perspective it is, "If I ask for your time I want the opportunity to get to know you. Also don't assume I am trying to immediately bed you, because I stopped getting intimate with women I do not know a long time ago."

[Zack-Bann]

That men aren’t clones of each other even if it feels that way sometimes


I would rather be judged by my actions as an individual not her making assumptions about me based on the low T behavior of other men she’s dated in the past

[capriVib]

I want a woman to be clear. If she likes me, not by giving hidden signals but directly. And if she doesn’t, she should just say no instead of stringing me along.

[Asker]

Well said.

[glennos89]

That we like natural woman and don't want woman with fake bbl's, fake eyelashes, fake eyebrow tattoo's. Men pretty much hate all the things that woman modify about themselves and calling it body positivity. We don't want that

[dragoblack]

To stop with the manipulation games and just treat us like people, actually take some actual damn interest into getting to know us, instead of having ulterior motives. All of these walking on eggshells just to keep interest makes dating and getting to know women next to impossible. Hell, a great deal of women are unwilling to be openly passionate about what they enjoy. Guys are not hard to date, we just want honestly and communication (and no, hinting is not communicatiob ).

[Seangreen]

We don't read minds and if you're just direct about your needs and your wants you'll actually be a lot happier because then we know exactly what we should do to keep you happy instead of guessing cuz that's just stupid then

[OneViewpoint]

Women know this. If you bring your baggage from your past into your future you aren't going to have a great future. Learn to let things go. Judge each guy on his own words and actions. We are not all the same.

[RavVid]

It is fairly sensible to have some perspective of the other genders view.

If buyers and sellers don't than making a deal is more unlikely to happen.

[ProbablyClueless]

Just how frustrating and confusing the flightiness, unreliability and general obtuseness is.

I wish women were more aware of (and sympathetic to) just how difficult and unclear they are.

[DishLady]

Funny, I was just telling a guy today that he has to be less flighty, unreliable and obtuse… that when he says he will do something he has to actually do it… that it’s OK if he can’t do something, but not to promise the moon and have only a pebble at his disposal. (In this case, “the moon” was a commitment to pitching in on a project but then blindsiding me last minute to negotiate everything on my own.)

[ProbablyClueless]

That kind of thing drives me insane! People who set unreasonably high expectations. It must be a people pleasing thing. But it sucks because you just straight up can’t trust what the person says anymore.

[CuriousFlo03]

@DishLady there is a disconnect and honestly a bit of hypocrisy in your answer. You complaining about this shows me that you for a fact ignore the majority of men and you focus your attention on a small section of men. But you fail to realize that most women do this. So that small section of men you all want gets an abundance of options. So they get more unreliable, and flighty. It's hard to get them to commit. Just like it's hard to get an attractive woman with lots of options to commit.
You have to realize that most men are not flighty or obtuse they don't have that luxury. Maybe you're going for men who aren't on your level?

[DishLady]

@ProbablyClueless Same! Yeah I think you’re right. And yes, trust evaporates and at times walking away becomes the only option. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@CuriousFlo03, stop being the dbag who pisses on another person’s opinion.

[Sal_Monella]

I don't want her to understand anything but my rules for her conduct. My perspective is the only one that matters. If she objects, there's the door. I stopped explaining to women after my mother.

[jshm2]

Nothing. It's when women come with preconceived notions about "dating" that problems usually occur...

[Anonymous]

We feel like we get dismissed at the slightest mistake. We often feel like we do have to be the one to take action and also the one that will be the most heavily judged if the action isn't what the girl wanted.

[DrPepper12]

Fine, whatever you want, you pick, I don't care ARE NOT ANSWERS AT ANY POINT IN ANY RELATIONSHIP!!

[Seangreen]

@DrPepper12 trick is you never ask, you tell them where you're going to eat, or what event you're going to. They don't want a choice they want the free ride

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I'm not looking for a "girlfriend" just a best friend.

[WhiteThought]

Attraction is not symmetrical. There are way too many women that think men view them the way they view men. It doesn't work that way.

[Anonymous]

From my perspective, I like self-confident girls, who like to take initiative.

I'm too shy, and I can't do the first move.

[Asker]

Awe. Comments like this sometimes make me want to have the ability to read someone's mind because I think a lot of times on both sides, we think, oh, do they like me, they haven't said or indicated anything, am I wasting my time, and then in reality, the other person is just maybe an introvert or shy or to nervous to even make a move or say hello.

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly, I'm shy, introverted and too nervous to make a move or say hello.

[Pohjolan]

Whatever "signs" you have used to attract a guy, a cockteaser has done it before you and better while at it.

[AngryCarl2]

I don't like you and I'm just dating you because I can't have the woman I want.

[Awesomesauce2005]

Women can get a boyfried today, men get a girlfriend in 1-10 years

[MikeMcMansion]

For your age, yes.

[Awesomesauce2005]

@MikeMcMansion why, i should be able to find a woman close to my age that wants to get married, have kids and stay home to raise them right

[MikeMcMansion]

Yeah, you should. Its retarded. I mean you could find a ghetto girlfriend or a severely overweight girlfriend today.

[CuriousFlo03]

I agree with you in some ways. But I'm curious: what would you say has been stopping you from finding a girlfriend currently? What's the main obstacle?

[MikeMcMansion]

@CuriousFlo03 bro he’s 20 years old, he’s invisible. As a young man, only the top 1%, in all physical departments looks wise, are visible.

I’d say we’re top 20% and looks height fitness- you know physically, but once were late 20s to about 50 years old, we become visible/more visible because we’re expected to have money by that age. Women factor in a man’s wealth and social status into his overall attractiveness. Even to bums and predators looking to scam you, or contractors looking for employment, loan officers etc.

As a young man who is fit in attractive, I was nothing but a booty call, and Cannon fodder for uncle Sam. I did get flirted with, but never I decent women looking for something long-term. Life is a bitch out there and it’s only getting worse.

[Awesomesauce2005]

@MikeMcMansion im fairly successful for my age, i make 46,000 a year and im able to keep 2k every month after expenses. I am very sociable and im the president of a British car club with 40 members. As for looks most people i ask how old i look will say i look like im in my 30s

[captain_voidwalker]

That getting a guy to fuck you isn't the same as getting a guy to commit to you.

[qwerty2469]

We want peace. Something warm and comfortable. We eat shit all. day ton provide. All we want is peace and calm at home.

[Twalli]

We like naked girls or mostly naked girls. Accept it. We will still want to see that.

[UgNegroMoe]

NGL I expected women to add opinions for men

[Ask105]

The juice ain’t worth the squeeze

[CuriousFlo03]

Then why are you on a forum about dating? Just to say that? Be real with yourself.

[Ask105]

@CuriousFlo03 problem is im good guy i dont treat them like shit first responder the women i see now a days are evil as fck and most them second date with em is like pulling teeth i gotta nail everything down im like what the fck still haven’t given up but its the truth tho i gotta nail down everything in the modern world

[CuriousFlo03]

What would you say has been your main challenge while dating these days?

[Ask105]

@CuriousFlo03 if your asking i don't see that women actually care to give men a chance most women go on so many first dates and then filter who they want rather then getting to know a guy giving him a second date they really be throwing out good options thinking they got it figured out out in less then a hour I don't know im damn near like casper out here even tho i know im good looking but i heard that can make women feel insecure

[Anonymous]

thick leg muscles and a muscular butt is our favourite thing. Squat more.

[lifetimefitness]

Muscular no.

[Grond21]

Rejection sucks for us too.

[mysteriousNicholas]

There's pressure 🫣😶‍🌫️🫣😶‍🌫️😆

[MysticDevice]

Most of us are effectively invisable.

[TonyMetal___86]

To respect the date and throw your phone away!

[aquamint]

I’d say in certain circumstances the phone can stay, but if not then the phone goes in the pocket or purse

[TonyMetal___86]

@aquamint no problem, as long as your phone ain't requiring all your attention nor texting or playing games, an urgent call is okay because if you want to spend your time on your phone then what's the purpose of the date?

[aquamint]

I’d say in certain occasions, you can usually tell based off of the first 5-10 minutes if the phone is going to be a problem.
Like for me my mom has cancer and I need to be on standby sometimes, I can’t predict if I’ll need to be but if she shoots me a text asking me something of course I’m going to answer. But then again I’d inform my date about it ahead of time that way if he still wants to go and he’s okay with my situation then of course we’d go, I’m not going to be glued to my phone the entire time but sending a text back is much faster than a long phone call where I have to continue explaining something.

[TonyMetal___86]

@aquamint you have a special case which can go down under the the urgent situation and that's okay for sure, you're not playing there or gossiping with someone!

I hope that your mother recovers from cancer...

[aquamint]

I hope so too, thank you!
But that’s what I meant regarding certain circumstances/urgency in your words.

[TonyMetal___86]

@aquamint 👍🏻👍🏻

[SoccerPlayer99]

That we aren't your meal ticket.

[Meatballs]

That I'm no longer interested

[WhiteBoyChill]

That its very hard as a man

[beefcakebradybatson]

WE WANT THEIR BODY !!!

[glennos89]

@beefcakebradybatson Only idiots say shit like that

[beefcakebradybatson]

@glennos89 REAL dudes say s**t like that, pardner, and I'm 100% lad !!!

[glennos89]

You are lacking brains and emotional intelligence bro. You are definitely still wanking yourself every day hoping for a day you get layed

[beefcakebradybatson]

@glennos89 I have a 160 IQ to add to my still boyish good looks at age 72, pardner.(You showed YOUR intelligence by typing "bro" to someone twice your age.) And how many times have you been chased into the boys' room of a bus depot by a lovestruck older bird?

[glennos89]

Goof looks at age 72? 🤣 People your age don't look good so your IQ probably drops to -160 with that comment🤣

[beefcakebradybatson]

@glennos89 You have goof looks at YOUR age, pal.

[glennos89]

Get a life old pervert

[Anonymous]

How much time you got?😆

[Gruttepier21]

Ee dont no wen uou are in love

[MasterKS]

It's mostly for sex.

[Anonymous]

Help me save money