How do you tell your partner you're struggling to be attracted to them due to their weight gain?

[Anonymous]

How?

[HawkPerception]

The truth is (and a lot of women hate this), if you don't put any effort or care about your physical appearance in a relationship, it's implying you don't give a shit about whether your partner finds you attractive or not. That's a pretty big turn off for the vast majority of men.

Women are extremely lazy and so easily offended these days. They just want to order food online, watch shows, and go out for fine dining often. They put zero effort into their fitness and think that throwing on some makeup makes them attractive. They call themselves queens and 10s, but they're not living in reality.

Despite what people say, working out is not just for you. It's also for your partner. If you love your partner, you should tell them the truth. You no longer find them as physically attractive and you would love to see them put effort into their fitness. Just serious effort alone is enough to make men appreciate their partners.

If they react badly and immaturely to that, that's their issue, not yours.

What pisses me off is when women aren't willing to put in effort into their fitness in a relationship, but once they break up with their partner after calling them shallow and shaming them, they start working out to attract other partners. So you were able to do it for strangers, but not your partner? That makes zero sense.

[ohsheeT]

You don't what you do every night is take there hand and go for a walk around the block

You cook the dinners you show her you love her by helping her not be even more stressed because of your words and tone. Help her to love herself and find her self again

Have you ever stop to think what is wrong with her what's going on in her life. That is stressing her

Ok so 30 min a day walking a fast pace. For 30 days no cola no sugar waters. She needs better gut health. That means an avocado every day for thirty days fruits and vegetables, no grease, no oils. Only olive oil and the right kind because even those are fake. Do research on them you can not only bring her back to life.
But then she follows through for 30 days. You're gonna get a brand new person? That's even better than she was before. Are you willing to help her help herself or is it all just talk

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

You got it spot on! Light walking together. Taking over the cooking and only cooking what is healthy and gut health... Very good ideas. I did this years ago for a room mate and she lost 60lbs when I took over cooking (and i don't even like cooking, but I did it for my bestie). And even more later on when she went on Pre AND Probiotics for her gut. Gut health plays a big role in weight loss. If you are interested I will share which one we use. If she eats a lot due to depression, some simple vitamins B & D will help a lot. But you will need to be the first to do it. Take those pre & Probiotics and vitamins and be like.. "oh wow, I feel so good since I've started using this 3 days ago. You should try it sweety" LOL. You WILL feel good as well LOL. Like ohseeT says "Brand new person". But YOU will have to do more than just say how you feel, bc she will take your feelings and eat that shit up. LOL

[ohsheeT]

Yes all the best vitamins with D3.

[ohsheeT]

This is what is wrong with half of America pharma and the fda are alowing us to eat foods that is killing us one way or another think about this mcDonald's claims itself are 7 million hamburgers a day. There's not that many cows in America to do that. What are people really eating

[ohsheeT]

Oh yeah. If you want but vitamins to work after you take them keep sipping on ice water if you dont they will fizzle out before they go to where they need to. Ice water keeps them alive until they reach every place in your body, otherwise they just go into your stomach and they die out you're not getting the full benefit.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

I did not know about the ice water method, but luckily I'm already addicted to water LOL. I do tho make sure that my supplements shows "High Absorbing" and preferably 3rd part tested.

[ohsheeT]

That's perfect. Also you need good filter water not bottle water. Bottle water is poison it's we're contaminated then tap water. Did you know water holds memory. To me water is like a God. There have been many studies on water. If you hold your glass of water with both hands, talk to it. Thank it for everything that has done. It becomes better. If you talk to it bad it becomes bad it works with the energy in your body.
Water is water is another healing.
Compound that we all need.
It is like a god. There have been test you can hold a glass of water. Take an eye dropper, drop it on a microscope cland it will put out 10 of the same patterns for you. That's who you are

You could add me that same glass of water. I will do the same thing and it will put out ten patterns that represent me. And so on and so on it will always give you the same 10. Identical patterns that blows me awand that tells me water is a God. We live in it for 9 months without it nothing would live so I to i'm addicted to water.
And I talk to it nice every time I drink it. And I can feel a difference

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

There is actually a study on this! What they did was with plants - They took several plants, and for the one group of plants they insulted the water before pouring it into the plants. With the other group they expressed love and gratefulness towards the water and those plants thrived. It's very interesting.

[ohsheeT]

Yes I've known this for awhile to me it's amazing

[BeeNee]

I am so happy to hear a response like this because a lot of people assume their partner just doesn't care anymore or whatever about being attractive "for them." I don't know anyone on earth who thinks, "I really don't want to be attractive." Weight gain often isn't just about food, there is a huge psychological component. If you or even a therapist can get to the root of it, that is half the battle. The other half is doing something like you suggest. Instead of you're so fat, you should go to the gym, try the approach of, I need some us time, I'd like to walk with you each evening so we can reconnect. And if she or he is coming home with burgers each night, try providing those alternatives, fresh, healthy, home cooked meals, even freeze ahead of time like I do for my family so there is no excuse to grab fast food.

[ohsheeT]

You can fix some thing. Really andything. By doing the samething over and over. For many people they will talk a big talk but there's no pain in moving your jaw bone. .. look how fast 30 min goes by when we want something we get it. When we tell ourself you have to do this we will look for anything any way to have and excuse not to do it. Somebody will say you're going to die if you don't do it.. and in our heads. We will say fvk you. I know myself better than you and still won't do it. If you walk for 30 min a day for 30 days and a fast pace. Within the first week , you will start seeing any difference

And if you breathe through your nose because that's the only place you get real oxygen through your mouth
You just get air. That the key to every thing is oxygen

Your organs are not working right right because they're not getting oxygen. Your whole body's not working right because it's not getting oxygen. If you do this for 3 days and start feeding your body oxygen. Your body will say hello, get up. Let's go which time to go I want more oxygen and you're gonna be motivated enough to say. Let's go. What are we waiting for you will see a mental change. A physical change is spiritual change and everything you do within 3 days guarantee probably sooner.
Get a calendar and put a red mark on this day right here. And put a red mark on every day for thirty days and just see what happens

Try this lay on the floor and then get app 20 times stand all the way back up, get back down on the floor and stand up, breathe through your nose, inhale, exhale, get oxygen.

Life is just.
So much more happier when you are do things without it hurting

I mean, I'll give you my phone number. You text me when you're ready to go and I'll go with you and I'll talk to you for 30 minutes.

But I will motivate you. I will make you laugh. I will make you cry, but you will feel good at the end of 30 days.
It is

[ohsheeT]

Yes quit eating fast food it's killing American people. It's killing everybody. It's it's bad enough. The food on our grocery stores have poison in them.
That will be anothat were being allowed to eat

I look at it this way.1 day the way our world's going, we might not have food.
So only eat the best right now to get yourself healthy put stuff in the crockpot, there's all kinds of ways to do stuff. Let's go you ready to do it. I promise you I will help you if you want help. I will help you.\nOxygen, though.\nIs the key that and water clean water , not bottled wate

[ohsheeT]

No bottle water it is worse for you than tap water water is so important. You won't believe how important it is because we are made of 70% of water it has to be clean, hold it with both hands, drink it down, tell it you love it because water holds memory. I don't know if you know this or not. Water is more or less like a God. As far as I'm concerned, do this everyday. When you drink water, tell it how much you like. It holds it both hands. Tell it how much you like it. Thank it. I guarantee you a week. After just doing this, you will feel different, but you still need to go for a walk. 30 minutes a day 30 days. If you need help let me know I will go on a walk with you

[DeGoma]

Difficult one. I’m trying to imagine myself as the woman in this situation. I don’t think you outrightly tell her you aren’t physically attracted to her anymore because that will either fuck her up mentally or make her downward spiral.


When you say weight gain - how much weight? If it’s just a little bit of weight then that’s pretty normal. Most people put on a bit of weight throughout their life span, especially in a happy relationship, unless they have a body dismorphic disorder where gaining weight terrifies them (and that’s not a happy life trust me!).
If you think it’s something that’s going to get worse and affect her health and your relationship - then that’s a bit different.


What’s your physique like? Are you equally a little fluffy on the edges? If so you could say something about how you’ve both put on weight over time and that you should both start eating healthier and working out together? Or you could be really positive about being healthy yourself and working out and see if that kickstarts something in her? To begin with at least.

[Asker]

90 lbs. I am physically fit. I play and coach soccer. What bothers me more than anything is she will not consistently try to help herself. I do love her and I want her to be healthy more than anything. I like curves. But through her actions I feel she is uninterested in talking care of her physical appearance whether it be for me or for herself. I feel it's very important to keep myself fit so that I look good for her and myself. I just want her to try.

[DeGoma]

Totally get your viewpoint. I’ve seen some of your other responses and looks like you’ve done the gentle approach.

Perhaps it’s best to be more direct, but also do it in a way that she knows she’s still safe in her relationship, that you still love who she is, and compliment the bits of her you do still find attractive - her face or eyes or smile. You can also couch it in the way of health and how you feel being healthy it’s important and you’re worried about her.

If I’m being honest I’d be so upset, it it probably would spur me on to get more fit. Think it’s time to be honest if you feel this is something that is going to affect the relationship long term. It will only lead you to feel unhappy and look elsewhere im imagining, and that will upset her even more than this conversation.

Be honest but still kind and supportive.

[nastyb]

@Asker

why not just leave her?

[PeachyPie93]

Just tell them.. they will either get offended or they will accept it. Just do it gently..
I personally never seen the issue with weight gain in a relationship because my ex was slim and trim when we got together but over the years he put on weight and I still loved the guy.. I might not have thought he looked all that but I still was attracted and loved him. But I also never seen the big deal to waste my time and life on being a curtain weight.. maybe if I did put big effort into myself I would feel differently about my partner?

[Finchie40]

Just be honest with her without coming off as rude and disrespectful, don’t tell her you aren’t attracted to her anymore , just say Hey baby, I been a little concerned about your weight gain and I noticed you been letting yourself go , is there anything I can do to help you , if she gets defensive and upset , go just tell her you are worried about her health and don’t want her dropping dead of a heart attack , And then walk away

[AviatorTom]

Honesty. You tell them how you feel.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Bring it up as something you can do together, don't say anything about weight, diet or the gym. Just do more things together that encourages a healthy lifestyle.

If you go direct, she'll feel attacked and that the only way to save her pride is to rebel. If you frame it as a walk through a romantic park because the weather is so great, or parking a little further away because you don't want your car to get scratched, or kyacking because you sit in an office all day, now it's something that makes her feel included, accepted and as she starts feeling better from a healthier lifestyle and you tell her about how you want to better your own health, she's more likely going to feel comfortable sharing the same vulnerability with you.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

The only successful way I've seen is dumping them. If you tell her that directly, you'll get metoo'd at least to her friends if not on social media. If you hint around, she'll resent you, and if you accept it and hope for the best, you will find yourself stuck with a disgusting blob after she keeps gaining. If she's truly a great woman, she wouldn't have gained the weight in the first place and put you in this position.

[DeGoma]

I hope you have an incredible physique to be an equally a truly great man!

[BeenThereLovedIt]

@DeGoma Why, this isn't about me. Maybe my response was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but my delivery doesn't change the message. She most likely got lazy or stopped being active, or both. Those are major red flags, and for good reason.

[DeGoma]

Okay then that’s a separarte argument. The way I understood what you said was that a truly great woman wouldn’t put on weight and would make sure her husband stays attracted to her, in other words, her value a good woman is in ensuring she stays physically attractive to her husband. And if that’s the case, I wonder if you hold yourself to those same standards or are you allowed to gain weight.

But if that’s wasn’t what you meant then I apologise. I agree that general laziness in a relationship can be a red flag if it’s an ongoing issue.

[Asker]

Dude don't be a dick. I don't want to leave her. I want to help her.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Do whatever, but she is giving you a preview of what's to come. My experience is that once it starts, even helping her won't change the outcome.

[primebreadenjoyer]

This might be an internal question for yourself, rather than one to initially have with your partner. Why do you find the weight gain unattractive? Is it tied to concern? This is a multi-faceted issue that affects the both of you.

IMHO I don't care what weight someone is as long as they're healthy. Weight is not a very strong indicator of overall health. A relatively skinny person can be pre-diabetic. Many athletes carry a lot of extra weight due to the nature of their training.

If it's a deal breaker for you, that's more something to reflect on than anything. Obviously don't stick with someone you're not attracted to, attraction is important. Just bear in mind this is a simple question with a complex answer.

[dwreborn]

Explain nicely that if your not worried about making yourself the best you can be for ur partner both mentally and physically then do you really care about the relationship and its not healthy either try asking if there is something they would like you to work on about yourself you know the get and give idea

[beenherebefore]

You can be honest without being a jerk. Sit with your Partner, tell her you'd like to discuss something that's been bothering you it's a sensitive topic and you don't want to sound like a jerk but lately you've been feeling XYZ because of her weight gain. Maybe she's struggling with something so offer help be supportive and motivate her and make her feel loved, safe and beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Then you don't love her. Motivate her, set gym days with her, go on walks with her. Because you should care about her health, her looks will leave and both of you will get old. But if weight gain is the shallow detail that will make you not "love" her then leave her. I'm sure you know she will look really old one day and age also makes people unattractive.

[Asker]

First of all you don't know anything about whether I love her or not. Second, I've tried to motivate her... I've offered to do workouts with her. I've asked to go on walks with her. Health and weight gain go hand in hand. It's not shallow. It's an outside indicator of internal health.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s just really hard to think someone is un attracted to their partner just based on looks. My husband gained weight because I cook good food and that makes me happy. He’s happy and I’m happy. She’s probably depressed. But there’s a reason that when you get married they say “through sickness and in health” because love is much more than the pretty stuff. But I guess you can tell her you don’t find her attractive anymore because of her weight. I’m sure she will feel the pressure of her partner not liking her.

[Nikki1989]

Are you feeling less attracted because of her physical appearance, or is it a more profound issue? Usually changes in attraction are a symptom of other problems in the relationship and have little to do with weight gain.

[Asker]

That's what women tell themselves when the man is struggling. Because physical attraction is necessary in the sense of not letting yourself go after getting married.

[Anonymous]

First, I would want to figure out what has caused the weight gain. Is it stress, is it hormonal, is it diet? Because your partner knows theyve gained weight and might be insecure or upset about it. They probably already know how you feel about it, or at least have noticed a difference. Go for walks together, try and make healthy meals together, live a healthier life together. If you love them, then be supportive towards becoming better people together.

[Anonymous]

How much weight has she gained? From your responses on others comments it seems like you do love her and you don’t want to leave her, but I don’t think you should find it to be your “duty” to help her because of your relationship. You should want to help her because it’s her, because you love her, not because of the relationship you have with her.

[Ariesman81]

From my experience, you will get what you tolerate. Loving her is great, but if she's not willing to change, then there's nothing more you can do. I'm not advocating abandoning her, but if you're no longer attracted to her, you gotta be honest and let her make the choice for herself. It's possible she's just not the one for you. And you gotta get ok with that.

[Apple1996]

You dont. If your attraction to your partner goes away based on them gaining weight you probably didn't acutally like them to begin with. Its better for you to move on so she can find someone who likes her regardless of her weight

[McLlovin]

Just say it. Here what i would say: your wight gain has made feel unattracted to you. Im not attacking you, but I can be your gym partner if you need one.

be truthful but respectful but also dont sugar coat it

[Wuai201]

Bro if you don't like her anymore just leave
Why are you going to stick around in hopes that she loose the weight?

[Asker]

Because I love her and feel a sense of duty to the relationship to help her. But I am struggling with the physicality aspect.

[Wuai201]

Hidden feelings gonna come to the light

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

Not everyone just quit a relationship at the first sight of a problem. You love a person through "thick and thin". He loves his Chubby Chubness and want to help her. You first try everything you can to fix it or help whoever needs the help before just packing up and go. You will learn that eventually. From how I'm judging the Asker is that he is taking the most gentle approach to not heard her feelings. Even asking strangers for help. 90 extra lbs is almost an entire person and very dangerous for your heart health. For my best friend, who I help loose 60lbs, I asked her to do a roleplay. I was doing a CPR training just because, and I asked her to play dead on the carpet. Lay on your tummy as if you just passed out. I will then come and role you over and practice CPR. Girl, I could NOT role her over! -She was too heavy. I was like, yeah sorry buddy, you dead now. LOL I think that scared her a bit. But I took over managing her health a little bit. And she was happy and able to keep it off. But to circle back, you don't just quit. He's actually trying here to help here. How would you feel if let's say you get pregnant, gain weight due to progesterone cravings and the father of your child is like, "Fuck it, you are fat now, I'm leaving you.".

[nastyb]

@Asker

just leave her.

[Flower7]

Best to break up if the attraction is gone. It would be unlikely for this person to return to the way they looked before.

[jshm2]

You state "Love, you know I like a bit of doggy style. But your cheeks are just a bit too thicc for proper penetration.

[Anonymous]

you dont really love her you're just using her i think you should break up and let her get rid of you

[Asker]

Touch a little too close to home?

[nastyb]

i completely agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Uh you don't. You are the one with the problem. If you don't love her let her go with respect.

[Anonymous]

I'm single, so I don't really have to worry about that, but if I had a girlfriend, she would be a sporty girl, so she definitely wouldn't gain much weight.

[In_Trance]

Why don't you tell her the same way that you asked it here

[Asker]

I have.

[Anonymous]

As difficult as it sounds, you just gotta be honest and break it to her. Then just monitor her weight and have weigh ins weekly to track her progress. If she really loves you, she’ll do it.

[mat678]

Be honest with her. I know people can look different when they start gaining more and more weight.

[lyrem04]

That’s bc you don’t love them… leave them.

[Bloodparadise]

Break up with them