What should I do in this situation?

[Jenny265]

So I’ve been dating a guy that I work with but he’s in a different department. Things were going really good up until he stopped suddenly texting me outside of work. I do see him from time to time at work but it’s hard because we’re both busy. He’s divorced has kids and tells me he’s been so crazy busy that it’s not fair to me. I get it he’s a single dad but he showed effort in the beginning too. I’ve told him many times we don’t have to continue this and he keeps telling me he’s still interested. We’re supposed to have dinner tomorrow night but he hasn’t told me where we’re going and I’m tired of chasing him at work and always texting him. He still flirts with me at work and stuff but I don’t get the non communication outside of work. Plus I haven’t even been to his place and we don’t get together on the weekends.

[ohsheeT]

Well no communication after work and you don't see each other.
Around the weekend

That tells me that he is seeing somebody else or he's still married because those he can't communicate with you because you didn't home with whomever

A family man has to be home on the weekends.

But no matter what if he was truly singhe would get a hold of you of you on the weekends

[BriamG22]

The sudden lack of interest and effort is what's jarring in my opinion. Was there anything that happened which caused it?

Such a sudden shift can often mean he's become somewhat serious with another person, maybe his ex wife? It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, I'm sure he does but he's keeping a distance.

It's also possible he's playing games, but this seems like a really dumb strategy in courting haha.

Ever tried asking him the reason for the shift in his behaviour around you?

If you don't like this though just call it off. Just from reading, it sounds quite disrespectful and demeaning... There's plenty of fish out in the ocean. This guy doesn't seem worth it...

[Jenny265]

Nah I can’t think of anything causing the shift. He told me his ex has a boyfriend apparently- there’s a lot of drama with his one son and the mom. He doesn’t even visit her. He lives full time with him. He just keeps saying he’s busy and it’s not fair to me. I’ve told him plenty of times already that we don’t have to date anymore if it’s not working and he keeps saying he still wants this

[BriamG22]

Hmmm, interesting, thing is even if he's busy there shouldn't be a shift in his attitude, perhaps he'll text less frequent but to suddenly stop is weird.

[Jenny265]

Yeah we see each other at work and it’s hard to talk to him there of course but I also don’t even see him on the weekends and he’s states that we should hang out more but it doesn’t happen. Only week days … and lately that’s been very infrequent. It went from once a week to lately once a month and we’ve dated for 3 months and I don’t feel like it’s projecting upwards in going anywhere

[BriamG22]

Yeah if there's such a difference in effort I don't think it's worth it in my opinion. Of course I can't truly understand how you feel about him but from an outside perspective I'd suggest to move on... Apologies for the negativity. It just seems disrespectful on his part to be so unreciprocating...

[Jenny265]

No worries. I needed a guys opinion because he was making an effort in the beginning to text and what not and make plans now I barely hear from him and if I see him at work he flirts and what not as if nothing is wrong. I’m thinking he’s not ready for a commitment and doesn’t want to admit it? It seems strange I don’t even see him on the weekends and it feels like he’s hiding the fact he’s dating me :(

[BriamG22]

Yeah, if you're planning to end it, you should just give him a last opportunity and go with an ultimatum: "Do you want to date? If you do, I need to see some effort. I understand you're busy, but we rarely even meet outside of work. If there are factors stopping you from committing just let me know, I don't enjoy being strung along in this manner, it's demeaning. Decide."

[Jenny265]

Ok that’s actually a good idea. I’ve been meaning to talk to him again and I’m not sure what to say. We were planning on dinner tomorrow but he hasn’t given me a place yet so I have no idea what we’re doing. It’s kinda ridiculous chasing him trying to ask him where we’re going

[BriamG22]

Yeah I apologize for being crude and blunt here but the guy sounds like an ass...

[BriamG22]

Sorry for the language 😅

[Jenny265]

No apologies I’d rather someone be blunt because I’ve been so confused honestly. I thank you for your honesty and opinion. Do you think he’s also trying to hide the fact he’s dating me? Since I never see him on the weekends?

[BriamG22]

Yeah, it's definitely possible he's trying to hide it, reason is why though... professionalism? But why not meet on weekends?

[Jenny265]

Yeah we are professional at work and lives far from me like an hour ish but I told him before I didn’t care I would be happy to come up to him. I understand he sometimes has his kids on the weekends but it’s still very shady to me. Just seems like he may be seeing someone else and for some reason doesn’t want to admit it? I don't know

[BriamG22]

It's definitely shady haha if I had to guess there's someone else involved but he's keeping his options open

[Jenny265]

That’s what I keep thinking. If it’s not the ex it’s probably whoever else he’s dating

[BriamG22]

Best bet is just to ask him straight up if you want to confirm it.