Is this a red flag?

[Pearl222]

So, one of the guys I’ve been getting to know via the dating app- he is cute, intelligent, curious and open minded and we flirt and have good banter too. However, it’s only been a few days and he suggests that we can be in a mutually exclusive short term relationship since I’m not sure where I will be after a few months. I said I’m not sure, but will see how it goes and consider. Then, yesterday he also tells me that he isn’t located in the city I’m in but in another country (he is originally from my native country). However, he travels home once every 2 months and also visits various other cities since the company he works for has many regional offices here ( works at a Hedge fund). He said he’s going to be in my city from mid October for a few days and wants to meet me on a date? does this seem shady?

Why would he set the location on a dating app to his native country when he isn’t even in it? Although he said he exclusively wants to date girls from here and not the country he is in. And he will also move back within the next 2 years.

Updates

7 mo

Thank you for all the advice. Most likely, gonna cut this one loose and direct my energy elsewhere. The effort for something so casual, doesn’t really seem worth it.

[Lliam]

I'm a travelin' man and I've made a lot of stops
All over the world
And in every port I own the heart
Of at least one lovely girl

I've a pretty señorita waiting for me
Down in old Mexico
If you're ever in Alaska stop and see
My cute little Eskimo

Oh, my sweet Fraulein down in Berlin town
Makes my heart start to yearn
And my China doll down in old Hong Kong
Waits for my return

Pretty Polynesian baby over the sea
I remember the night
When we walked in the sands of the Waikiki
And I held you, oh so tight

Oh, my sweet Fraulien down in Berlin town
Makes my heart start to yearn
And my China doll down in old Hong Kong
Waits for my return

Pretty Polynesian baby over the sea
I remember the night
When we walked in the sands of the Waikiki
And I held you, oh so tight

Oh, I'm a travelin' man
Yes, I'm a travelin' man
Yes, I'm a travelin' man
Whoa, I'm a travelin' man

https://www.youtube.com/embed/YUv2xzvxLT8

[Zack-Bann]

Sounds a little too complicated
Already many things wrong here
Planning out the short term is a fancy way of saying “pump and dump”
Him living in another country and wanting to schedule out his meetings with a total stranger to fit his brief availability is also a sign of wanting a hookup


There are two main factors to a working relationship:
Chemistry and logistics


You seem to have chemistry with him but that’s not enough. The logistics are too messed up for either of you to plan ahead for anything


Just hit the “next” button. No point dragging this out

[Pearl222]

True, it does seem like too much effort for nothing worthwhile. Guess, I’ll filter this one.

[AvaRay]

U know Pearl, situations like this r not always black and white..

What might seem like a red flag often comes from incomplete information..

What truly matters is alignment between words n actions, n respect for your time, boundaries, n comfort..

If he follows through on his commitments, is honest about his intentions, n communicates openly, those things speak far louder than an app location or short term/exclusive label..

Trust your gut, observe his patterns, n notice how he makes u feel..

Do u feel respected, safe, n genuinely valued / not? .. That’s the real measure, not surface level signals..

[WhitneySnow]

Seems shady. Plus I don’t like how he’s pressuring you to be exclusive.

[Pearl222]

He didn’t really pressure me, I asked him what loyalty means to him and he asked me a follow up question, would you rather be in a short term exclusive relationship with someone or long term non exclusive? And then this followed

[WhitneySnow]

I see. Still seems a little shady, but I don’t want to judge him prematurely.

[Pearl222]

Same, the whole elaborate ruse about setting a different location because he doesn’t want to or can’t find a date in the country he’s in, seems a little shady. So, just wanted to check if I’m reading too much into it or not. I’m gonna give it a few days to see if he’s legit or not and then see. On the other hand, there’s another sweet guy who’s in the same city and is consistent in checking up on me as well, so let’s see.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with your update

[ohsheeT]

This sounds very shady in a few different ways he should have waited longer and then been honest and Said you know I really like you. I would love to meet you i mean it does happen sometimes. Traveling to maybe the same city that a person lives in. But I felt your words as I read them. And the vibe is wrong with the whole picture

[HawkPerception]

If you just want a guy to pump and dump you, then sure go for it.

[WindAtMyBack]

There is no way to know for sure. Individually this stuff might be legit, but then again it it might not. Collectively, it seems a bit much. It sounds a bit too smooth.

It's only been a few days. You don't really even know each other. Then suddenly he wants to short term exclusive? What is that anyway? It sounds like code for a ONS.

Hedge fund? Try to verify.

If I were to guess, I'd guess he's feeding you lines and just wants sex. He may have someone lined up in each of the cities he travels to.

[Pearl222]

My thoughts are along the same lines. So I’m not really planning on meeting with this guy. Like you said, we hardly know each other well enough… he agreed to vc and other things but there is still too little info.

[WindAtMyBack]

If it's true that he goes there every couple of months, wait until then. That'll give you a chance to get to know him better, and see how your gut feeling goes. If he pushes to get together on the coming trip, and doesn't want to wait a couple of months, that IS a red flag.

You asked this question, so you are being properly cautious. Keep being cautious and listen to your gut.

This obviously can't be long term since you don't live in the same city. It just can't go anywhere if that is what you are looking for.

[Pearl222]

Yes I agree, I’m not really thinking of long term with this guy tbh. We lead very different lives and I don’t think we would be compatible in future. Just thought we could go on few fun dates for a while. But yes, like you said…I’m definitely gonna dodge meeting him just yet and see if he still follows up in the coming months.

Have to be cautious, because online you can’t really judge someone’s intent.

I appreciate your feedback :)

[sage2021]

I would wash my hands of this guy!

You don't know what he's up to with you. And sounds like he's doing this same thing with other women now and in his past.
Please don't be played by this guys sweet talk and plans of a future together. He's just saying that to keep you interested.
Most of uswant love and to feel loved. He knows exactly what to say to you and makes you feel special.
There's the rub. You think that you are special too, and that he's recognizing that you are special enough to keep this whatever kind of relationship it is and could be in the future.
He's not the one for you - bottom line.

[MJVillarama]

That does sound a little confusing, It’s not a total red flag yet, but definitely something to keep an eye on. The location thing is kinda odd. maybe he’s being strategic, or maybe not 100% honest. Just keep your boundaries clear, and if anything feels off, trust your gut. No harm in meeting if you feel safe, but don’t rush into anything exclusive!

[katiesmuff]

Sounds to me like he is just lining up short term fucks as he travels around the world. Just another wonderful thing about social media and these dating sites. I would think someone who is suppose to be an "influencer" would be somewhat smarter than fall for these scams.

[Pearl222]

Well, I was led to believe he was in the same city as me till the very last moment. And I believe we all still learn and grow with new experiences, I’m no different.

[NoDecision]

I'm just guessing, but he seems like the proverbial traveling salesmen, who "comforts" a lot of lonely women in his travels. I'm laying odds that his real purpose to meet will be for sex. The whole thing sounds kind of iffy to me. My question now is, are you going to wind up as one of those "lonely" women? 🤔

[Pearl222]

No, I already told him I don’t do hookups/ casual sex. But you’re right it does seem that would probably be what he wants.

[slatyb]

HUGE RED FLAG. He started by lying to you about something important, something that makes it impossible for you to meet. You know what to do. You have my permission. Don't waste your time on him.

[shortster]

Yes, people that change their locations to other places are a red flag. 95% of them end up being scammers.

[Pearl222]

That’s what I’m thinking as well, because he suddenly revealed that yesterday because he “didn’t want to keep me in the dark”

[Baublebar234]

Sounds like this will be inconsistent. Don’t waste your time.

[thegreenyogi]

I think anything on a dating app can be seen as a red flag honestly.

[loveslongnails]

Does it "seem shady". No, it IS shady. Drop this guy immediately.

[RHK36]

You're starting to show red flags if you can't tell the weirdos apart

[Anonymous]

not everything is a red flag and this isn't one of them

[heruncommonsense]

The main red flag is that he is male.

[bowenw]

A few red flags to be sure.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe so.

[eagle1951]

sounds weird to me

[FenixG45]

Red flag

[MeAndYouRightHere]

Yellow:)