I'm I the problem?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed a drastic change in my boyfriend’s libido lately, and I’m trying to understand what’s going on. We used to have a healthy intimate life, but now it feels like something’s shifted, and I can’t ignore the timing.

Updates

7 mo

I have gained weight recently due to health problems, and I can't help but think that's contributing to his lack of interest. He can't even keep it up sometimes and we have to stop. He's only 36. I tried getting on top recently and it ended embarrassingly, and he just got this look on this face like he was in pain and uncomfortable and wasn't even hard anyway. I was quite humiliated. 😟

[ohsheeT]

Well you would know more then we do.
I think if that's when you think the problem is then you have to figure out how to fix it. All this is it's a moment in time where you communicate and you grow together

Not apart. But without communication , he's gonna go down one path , you're gonna go down the other

If you can do it if you want to do it

30 min aday walking at a fast pace for 30 days breath in through your nose breath out through your nose all your organs and brain will love you drink filtered water as your tape water and bottle water is fill with chemicals and pollution
Your body will tone right up. You will see it within a week. You will feel it within a week. And in thirty days , even your nose will be toned

[Asker]

I agree with you about the my relationship. But the health issue part is more complicated than that but I appreciate the advice. I go to the gym three to four times a week, I drink spring water with minerals, I eat healthy, I was in a calorie deficit. The fat wouldn't budge, its because my thyroid not working properly. It has influence on so many different aspects of our bodies especially our metabolism. I am talking to a specialist and going to start hormone therapy soon should help.

[ohsheeT]

Yes, as i was reading, i got to where you said spring water, and my mind went to thyroid, and then you said it

Anymore, who knows what kind of food and chemicals we're putting into our body, and any type of stress just takes a toll on your body nowadays, too.
But I think once you get it, I figured you're gonna be o good. It's just too bad that your guy is not more i. Your corner with you

[Asker]

Absolutely. I do all organic. Unfortunately I didn't grow up organic my family was poor and we ate a lot of processed junk. Probably why I have issues as an adult now. Thank you.

[ohsheeT]

Maybe it's hard to tell. Do you meditate can you feel energy.

[Asker]

I do meditate. I need to do it more often.

[ohsheeT]

Yes for sure the energy with in our body's is magical our energy can do anythingn

[class_reductionist]

I saw in a comment you're seeing a specialist. that's good, and I hope you're not just doing it for him but also for your own longevity

I would say you should also probably see a couple's therapist if you're uncomfortable having that conversation directly. in my opinion he should be appreciative that you're still that into him and considerate of him

I'm sorry you're going through that and hope you two work it out

[Asker]

Thank you for the kind words.

[Anonymous]

U r not the problem..

Sexual desire fluctuates for many reasons stress, health, hormones, lifestyle—not your worth or attractiveness.
Your value isn’t measured by someone else’s performance, and no one has the right to make you feel ashamed for showing up fully.
If he can’t appreciate you, respect you, and communicate openly, that’s his issue, not yours.
Stand tall, know your power, and don’t let anyone’s insecurities undermine your confidence. 😌✨💋

[Asker]

Thank you

[Opinion Owner]

Your welcome.. 😊

[slatyb]

You aren't the problem. His attention may be elsewhere. Have you asked him?

[Asker]

He does work out of town a lot. He hasn't been wanting to communicate with me at all.

[slatyb]

You need to accept that it's over. If he were interested he would be communicating. Sorry.

[Asker]

I get it. The issue is also, he won't break up with me. He lives at my house I told him I needed more support from him and communication. I need to change my locks.

[slatyb]

Change the locks. Tell him he's not welcome, and tell him when he can get his stuff. Have someone with you when he does.

[OneViewpoint]

Well yeah. He was attracted to you in part because of your physical appearance. You put on weight. That's not what he signed up for. You changed. He changed. Is he not allowed to have preferences and make choices?

[Asker]

Jesus Christ. Dude pump the breaks of shame. Of course I'm ashamed, this why I'm not surprised men are far more likely to leave a terminally ill partner. Also you made all kinds of accusations and assumptions. I'm aware of preferences, I personally also wouldn't want to date someone who is considerably overweight.

[Alex-Snow]

What is happening? Does he want more sex or less? Is he masturbating more than usual? Have you asked him?

[Asker]

He works a lot. He doesn't seem interested at all in sex. I don't know if he masterbates. I know something is else discerning is he needs to look at porn or he's not as interested. Makes me feel like even more it's me..

[Alex-Snow]

It definitely is not you! If he is watching porn he definitely is masturbating to it like most guys. How often are you two having sex? Maybe try some new stuff like outdoor sex or new positions? You can even try watching some porn together. I have done that for fun with a few girlfriends and it has always lead to some hot sex and some great shared orgasms.

[Alex-Snow]

Would it help if he started trying some Viagra or something to stay hard? Can he stay hard if you give him a handjob instead of sex?

[Asker]

He doesn't like taking pills. He doesn't even respond to that anymore. We use to have sex at least twice a day if not more but now he barely wants it, once a week..

[Alex-Snow]

Yikes once a week. I could not live like that. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you find time to give yourself some great solo orgasms?

[BarryLiverstone]

You could be the problem

[BarryLiverstone]

What health problems?

[Asker]

That's what I feared. 😔Hypothyroidism and HPA axis dysfunction. It's made weight lost a lost cause. I'm finally seeing a specialist though.

[BarryLiverstone]

At least you are trying to seek help. Have you gained a lot? He may not see you the same as he used to

[Asker]

Like fifty lbs

[BarryLiverstone]

50 lbs is quite a bit. Like I said it’s good that you have professional help and can make choices to be healthier. Have you talked to him about how you feel and if he still desires you?

[Asker]

To be clear I have extremely healthy habits, that why I investigated have a health issue. I used to not have any trouble staying in shape. I was gaining weight that didn't make sense. My thyroid isn't producing enough hormones is what I found out. So I am starting hormone therapy soon.

[Asker]

Yes he doesn't want to o talk about it which makes me feel even more like my suspicion is correct.

[BarryLiverstone]

Suspicion about what? Go ahead and follow me, I’ll try to help figure it out

[BarryLiverstone]

At least you are making an effort

[Asker]

Suspicion that it's me why he can't even get an erection anymore

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok, thought you said he can’t stay hard. If he can’t even get hard that’s different

[Vegasrunner]

It's probably you. Men value variety