Is it a total turn off when someone asks you "what do you bring to the table" in a relationship?

Question

I'm not a fan of this question in the slightest. It's reminiscent of someone sitting you down on a date like it's a job interview, and asking you some long impossible checklist of things that 'you must have,' in order just to date them like they are the ultimate prize that must be won. Chill. We're human beings. We aren't perfect, and someone needing me to quantify if I'm even good enough for them by way of some arbitrary list, I find distasteful. Nothing wrong with asking questions to get to know someone, but this sort of questioning of I demand you tell me if you meet my criteria, nah, not so much.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Women feel completely free to bring an entire laundry-list of requirements, and every women I've ever taken out on a date has vetted me for the major items on her list. Sure, they're more subtle about it, but you can't tell me that you don't ask the man about his job, his career, his living situation (living at home? apartment? owns a house?), his car situation, past relationship complications, maybe his education? Women virtually ALWAYS do this. These are all essentially asking what the man brings to the table.

The reason you don't like hearing this question asked to you is because you don't have a good answer. Any woman who has good answers to that question has no problem with the question, and in fact, completely understands why it's being asked. Yes, it's a blunt, direct way of asking, but that's how men communicate, and, frankly, part of the reason men ask that way is to see if the woman has a problem answering. Any woman who objects to the question immediately disqualifies herself from relationship consideration, meaning, she becomes, at best "for recreational use only."

Women require so much from a man from Day 1 - men are to approach, men are to ask, men are to plan the date, men are to provide transportation, to pay for the date, to ask for the next date, etc. etc. And half the time, women are only there for free food and entertainment these days, so men have started to ask this question, so they can quickly figure out if they are wasting their time or not.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

People should have standards… People ask this question generally because they have gotten burned before by people who are one sided. But you can’t expect people to be perfect either and expecting someone to be (when you’re not perfect yourself) is one sided in its own right and you can become the person that hurt you…. And hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Look, the first few dates are about getting to know one another. If someone’s one sided, entitled, ungrateful, etc. It will speak for itself. A lot of people who ask this question…. Don’t like it when someone else asks it first oddly enough.

What everyone wants out of a relationship is different… Yes, some people aren’t compatible even if they’re good people overall. Some people don’t have a lot in common, some people seek different things from a relationship, different boundaries, and different standards. But the first few dates are more about getting to know the person. It doesn’t have to get that deep immediately.

It’s a issue if you been dating for six months and still don’t know what one another wants.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

I bring absolutely nothing to the table. I'm a corpse. So if anyone ever were to ask me that I'd simply say not a thing.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

To ask them outright? It’s not a job interview. That’s just rude.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Women are only mad because a growing number of men have real standards and boundaries now. You didn’t have a problem with it when women were the only ones holding interviews with checklists. That’s where we are now. Get over it.
Dating becomes a tremendous waste of time, energy and money when we play games. People, men and women both, who are sick of the games are finding ways to get to the bottom of a person’s value in short order. Don’t blame them. Blame the game players who came before you. If everyone quit f*cking around with other people’s lives and feelings then we could go back to the good old days. There’s no sign of that on the horizon.

HawkPerception · Answer

Yes it is. You should learn about someone's traits naturally through conversing with them. You can find out what they bring to the table like that. Relationships are all transactional, but it takes it the sense of romance and any chance of "love" when you ask that question.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yea that’s a pathetic question to ask someone on a date , That would probably be my last date with them , if she asked me that question

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It is a disguised way of asking, "Why do you deserve to spend time with me?"

Purpleronnie · Answer

I think maybe your looking at it the wrong way , you come across more than a little defensive , like your saying your being made to explain / quantify your worth but it’s not about that , you should already be 100% aware of your worth going into a new relationship. Questions like this shouldn’t unsettle you or unbalance you as the asker only wants to know your emotional availability , your self awareness and to know that your values align with theirs.

People often ask this type of question when they want to avoid past mistakes when dating someone who wasn’t ready , or was emotionally unavailable or chaotic

So perhaps if that’s a total turn off to you , then that’s EXAXTLY why they ask the question?

Phoenix98 · Answer

Honestly those kinds of questions put me off people. I would rather learn about someone's traits, thoughts, see their actions, etc through conversing naturally with them and just interreacting with them.

To me asking those kinds of questions makes the whole thing feel less like a date/relationship and more like a board meeting/business transaction. Takes away the spark and saps the fun out of the whole thing.

If I wanted a business transaction with a complete list of attached traits, features, skills, etc I would just order a mail order bride and be done with it.

888theGreat · Answer

Lets see what I bring :

1) No diseases , I am on no medicine , no STD;s

2) I am actually really single

3) No kids from previous relationships

4) I work

5) I own a car and truck

6) I have a degree

7) I can get erection anytime with no need of pills

8) Mr Happy is not too big

9) Politically Independent

10) Saved /Christian

11) Never cheated on another , so I am reliable and can be trusted

12) No criminal record

13) Investments worth around a million /future/emergency funds

14) at least Average looking

15) Like pets

16) Open to having kids

17) Don't drink or get drunk

18) Never hit a woman

19) Wash my own Dishes

20) Will own a home

21) Great giving massages

22) Pretty open and talk a lot

23) Never smoked a cigarette

24) own my business and have other incomes

25) Loyal

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever actually been asked this question on a date? I doubt most people have.

It's a general question men have been asking about women in general in recent years because today's women tend to not bring as much to the table as women of the past (in terms of what men actually want in a woman, not what we are told we are supposed to want), even though many modern women seem to think they bring more.

But I would be surprised to hear a man actually asked a woman that question on a date. That would make him a dick.

Noredcarpet · Answer

I agree with you. Besides it has hit me sometimes when people talk about what they think of themselves it is not reality. How you know they are even telling the truth? No turn off of a question as far as Im concerned. Go date your office girl instead, please, do us all the favor, lol

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Asking, "What do you bring to the table?" would be a major turn-off and likely a deal breaker.

It's not even the question itself, but what's behind it. A relationship is not something to negotiate and keep score. The question reeks of entitlement, which is a HUGE turn-off.

A good relationship shouldn't need such questions. A good relationship should not be about keeping score.

OneViewpoint · Answer

If you need to ask someone what they bring to the table, you're a low class idiot. That is your job to discern and decide for yourself. Silently. Over time. Through interaction and observation. If you are unable to tell what they bring to the table you've been asleep at the wheel. If you believe what they tell you rather than their actions, you're not very bright.

genericname85 · Answer

to be honest if you're not a fan of the question, you should probably think about what you do bring to the table. cause it may seem like a demanding question, asking basically to declare your value. but the thing is everyone has value. everyone brings something to the table. and i think it's smart to try and figure out if whatever the other person brings to the table is what you actually want and need.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It's a pointless question for me. If the other person is being demanding, I walk away not ask what she is bringing in exchange. And if she starts with the question, that is a Red Flag that she is here for what she can get, not for me, and again I move on.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes because while its true that thats ultimately what its about in the end of the day, doing it that forward and business like is a total vibe kill. You should be able to clearly tell that for yourself when dating me. I shouldn't have to be put on the defensive by spelling it out for you, that kills the mood completely and makes it feel like were negotiating an employment contract.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

No. Women can name all day what they want a man to bring to the table but get quiet and upset when asked what they do lol

Men are almost always the one paying for the dates, they have probably been on countless dates before you that didn't work out, this adds up so of course they're going to want to know what you bring to the table. It wouldn't be the first question I asked, but I would ask before the first date.

Twalli · Answer

If someone who I am not dating or interested in dating asks me, I like this question. It makes you introspective and you have to think about it. What qualities do you have that make you dateable. If it's someone who I might have considered dating in the future, she ensured that I will not be dating her EVER.

Anonymous · Answer

What bag of trash are you dating? I mean I get that people want to get to the meat of the matter when it comes to dating, but there still is a thing called civility. They could pose that question in a much less direct way.

If a woman asked me a question like that I'd probably be a smart assistant and say "a knife and fork".

boundless · Answer

It's a simple question in my opinion. My answer is... What are you looking for?

DonaldDarko · Answer

Yes but even if she doesn't say it she's thinking it because that's what a date actually is, a job interview. Romance is a veneer to dress up something that's actually just another job.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

No one ever asked me that lol, as someone said in the comments already, this kind of question means that I'm facing a particularly ble

Lliam · Answer

I agree with you. You summed up my attitude. If a girl asked that question, it would be the end of the date.

spartan55 · Answer

I find it funny that most women hate this question. They certainly have their list of preferences, I guess we aren't. What a surprise.

Ariesman81 · Answer

The irony... the question did it's intended purpose... to rule you out as a tone policing, modern liability. A woman who is looking to add value to a relationship wouldn't be triggered by it. Thanks for playing... NEXT

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I wouldn't be turned off by it. But, I would say that anyone talking like that had better bring her A-game.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Yes, it is intrusive, immature, and just plain stupid.

msc545 · Answer

I've never been asked that question directly but if somebody did ask me that question I would simply get up and leave. I don't have to justify my presence to anybody nor do I have to justify my intentions whatever they are.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I have never been asked that, but it would bother me a lot

queenofcardio · Answer

It's such a weird question to ask. Put you on the spot.

MrChinaski · Answer

I agree. It implies. rightly or wrongly, that the other party's reason for a relationship is to extract services from you. I would walk.

Massageman · Answer

At least you know they are someone who does not like to waste time. Isn't that what dating is for- to find out these things as they develop?

Anonymous · Answer

I get the same information and more in a different way with conversation you won't feel is invasive. I'll know more about you in one date than most people know about you in one year, and you won't even realize you told me.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Not for men because we actually bring tangible things to the table. Women get upset because they know they dont bring as much value.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Only if you don't have a good answer. At the beginning of a relationship, more people should be asking that. It would save a lot of heartache.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

That would rub me the wrong way. What am I, a fucking ATM?

JesseP1nk · Answer

Is not how women treat men? -> Based on what he have to offer for her and for her potential future family with him.

In_Trance · Answer

In my experience the only person who is worried about being asked what they bring to the table is someone who brings nothing to the table

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

It better not be because that's a red flag.

Ironco · Answer

I'll just politely say, "I'm not your waiter". Then get up and leave.

blackeagle007 · Answer

When I ask that question, answer I get is “I am the table”

Anonymous · Answer

I tell them bitch I am the table I'm the fucking high table

exitseven · Answer

Yes, it makes it sound very transactional.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. That would be rude.

jahaims · Answer

It means she can't read in-between the lines

Iron_Man · Answer

Maybe but i know i bring mountains

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No. Its a legit question.

noohair · Answer

You are correct, we all have flaws...

ABC1x1x · Answer

No duh. I bring the whole fucking table.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it is. Not total, but partial turn off.

elizamichale1 · Answer

U r absolutely right

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

Is it a total turn off when someone asks you "what do you bring to the table" in a relationship?

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