I’m an 18-year-old man, and I’m in love with a 57-year-old man I’m in a relationship with. Is that considered normal?

[Anonymous]

I live in Alberta, and my family doesn’t know about us. But I don't care.

[Hardon-Collider]

This explains the prevalence of drug abuse in alberta despite having a "conservative" reputation. ㅤ

[lightbulb27]

no. I think at that age there's a lot of change, a lot of confusion.

definitely get a therapist in your camp announce to family and deal with it.

You could have been groomed you could have been mislead. People can bond based upon emotions, doesn't mean it's good. that can happen male/female as well.

This is a time to get to know yourself. If there's underlying traumas feeding these feelings, those should be resolved.

This is standard humanity as well. We want certain things feel certain ways... but we don't know why. that is driven from inside our hearts, our emotions and our hormones... which now are telling you to go out and find love and mate. Something is messed up, if it can be corrected for the best now... all the better. And if this is your path so be it. But if it is trauma or other issues driving this... then that's sad and takes decades to correct, if ever.

So back up and take the pain a bit and learn and grow.

[Matriarch]

What trauma? This makes no sense. Stop brainwashing him with your nonsense.

[lightbulb27]

@Matriarch trauma is human reality. depending upon how he processed it, may throw him off course.
Love... is familiarity... and some other things.
At that age, people don't know what they don't know.
Go talk to professionals and work on figuring yourself out (asker).
That's not to say something is wrong with you. Something is wrong with everyone. You get to figure out whom you are and want to be.
Ask J. Epstien if people have problems...
If you don't know any of that, you don't know what you don't know.

[Matriarch]

Why would he have trauma? This makes no sense

[Matriarch]

You are clearly hinting there's a problem with his sexuality. It's weird.

[lightbulb27]

@Matriarch why wouldn't he have trauma in this world? It isn't just what happens but how that personality translates it.
Ask all the girls whom Epstein groomed if they were traumatized... eventhough paid. They were.
I don't think we are using the same definitions or thinking the same, that's why we have differing viewpoints so far. I learned a while back in my 40's the impact of early life trauma in "casting" a person off course. I'm not just talking about a car accident but emotionally impacting events, repetitive reinforcement. Can come from loved ones... parents, family members, etc.. It's very impacting. And then, it seems normal like... this is whom I am... when that isn't whom you would have been without the trauma and better parenting/training/conditioning.

Does that make anymore sense? Im not saying he's a bad person or even wrong. I'm saying it's time to stop and evaulate what is going. Id say that to anyone asking such a question or questioning themselves. Realize people may feel perfectly ok doing what they do... like Epstein... when it may be he was acting out of his own trauma/issues. noone knows. It's a sleuthing emotional exploration issue as to why people do what they do. there's a reason!

[Matriarch]

So you are saying he's groomed? He's an adult, that makes no sense. Those girls with epstein were underage no? Not the same situation.

To me you are either a homophobe or a sexist. You wouldn't be saying that if he was with a 57 year old woman so yeah, I don't take anything you say seriously.

[lightbulb27]

@Matriarch Its so hard to communicate by text as things get assumed, not your fault, difficulty of this method.
He's 18(ish)... don't know when this started. If he was 17 when it started, that is the definition of grooming. If younger, even more so. Right? You never know... we don't know this person.

And so you jump to a conclusion... normal... but still... that Im homophobe.

What I'd say is as follows:
A) the asker is now an adult making adult decisions. These are big ones that direct their life. I guarnatee... they will not reproduce offspring mating with a 57yr old male and probability is low that relationship lasts. That leaves them with further issues to deal with.
B) Assessing what is going on is relevant no matter if m/m m/f f/f. Weve said the same with our own kids to help guide them. If the asker does not have support around them... and sounds like they don't... it's concerning. Thus it is relevant to find professional to talk to.

This is common sense. 18 might be legal age but in reality, most don't know anything. if they are 24, it's a big difference.

I've had friends that were gay and some that were lesbian and I have 59 years of experience. I'm right. But I know at that age how people think. People don't see themsleves and it won't be easy to see themselves for a long time. Introspection... is important... now.

[Matriarch]

No it might be legal and not grooming. You are assuming once again.

Your point A makes no sense. Kids have no bearing on relationships, they might just be having a fling. Which is likely what it is, as at this age gap long term relationship is very unlikely.

They sure know what they are doing and know about sex. You are only infantalising the 18yo because he is dating an old man. It's obvious you are prejudiced with gender as I seen you say the opposite of what you are saying when the old person was a woman. Suddenly the young guy knows what he's doing if he's with the older woman?

Please spare me this bullshit.

@Asker do not listen to this guy. He is just trying to stop you because he doesn't like you love an older man. He is biased.

[MikeMcMansion]

@Matriarch you have a demon

[lightbulb27]

@Matriarch I see no chance communicating with. I'll simply be thankful that no offspring will come from this. Its possible the adults experience the pain, and that is life... a teacher.

[Account]

I think your emotions are valid, but personally I don't consider your relationship normal, no.
He could have been your grandfather.
A grown ass man who goes for a 18 year old, has issues.
No one can change my mind about that.

[HollyK21]

If you don’t care then why are you asking us what we think?

[Danny_dan92]

Exactly

[JustinTheGreat]

I know it’s hard for you to see why this would be inappropriate.

but one day you’ll get older and look back at this relationship like “wow. Why was a man that age interested in me”

there is no reason why an almost 60 year old man should be interested in someone who just got out of high school. Legally an adult or not, 18 year olds are still practically teenagers.

i wouldn’t even want to be friends with an 18 year old at my age (28), much less being romantically involved with one.

18 year olds are still very immature with little to no real world experience. An 18 year old is a child compared to being in your 50s, 40s, and even 20s

There’s a reason why these older men go after people your age, it’s because you’re easier to manipulate and they have a weird fantasy about being with someone who is *almost* underage.

run 🤷‍♂️

[4ngelic]

damnn that's a huge age gap...

you're 18 so you can do what you want, but i think it's a bit concerning that a near 60yo wants to be in a relationship with you when you're barely legal. i think he's a red flag honestly for that. and no it's not really normal.

have fun for a bit if you really like him but don't get too attached, it's best if you date much closer in age.

[Purpleronnie]

Given you ask the question , then your a liar or you do care … which is it?


I don’t consider that normal no , not as in social norms but you do you , if it makes you happy

[Rangers]

This seems like a relationship which will turn emotionally abusive with such a massive age and power gap. You should listen to mom and dad every now and then

[OneNisa]

What are your expectations from this relationship? Are you in love with that man?

[Master_Debator]

The age thing doesn't freak me out. The gay thing freaks me out, YUCK.

[Anonymous]

That’s a really big age gap. It’s technically legal, but I’d still be worried he was taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

nobody cares about how in love you are... because you won't want to be with him in about 15-20 years.

[Alex-Snow]

Sure as long g as you are both ok and happy with it.

[Matriarch]

Have sex with him if you want, but don't go into a relationship with him. It's just a really bad idea.

[qwerty2469]

Were you groomed? I would bet most of the farm that you were.

[LazerBean]

It's normal for homos

[DryGermanGuy]

Go away, pedowoman.

[Staximus]

It's the same "woman" that keeps asking this same stupid question over and over in different forms

[DryGermanGuy]

Six or seven times in the last 48 hours, with several accounts. So damn exhausting.

[queenofcardio]

That's a huge age gap..

[slatyb]

You are both adults. It's between the two of you.

[Laurenvol]

If it work right now so good

[Drumlin2001]

It's normal for you. Hope he's rich

[Anonymous]

Stop spamming us troll

[zagor]

Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Nothing about you two are normal.

[foxsquirrell]

Do you need to ask if this is normal?

[blackeagle007]

Gotta love these anon trolls

[shortster]

Is that Jonathan Frakes?

[Anonymous]

If it is not considered normal will you leave him

[Anonymous]

Cool fake story

[Anonymous]

Nobody cares.

[Biscoff3030]

No not normal