If you are attracted to someone does them being ‘too available’ make them less attractive in yiur eyes?

[Still-alive]

I keep wondering about this 🤔

so by too available like any time you text them they always text right back almost immediately. If you call it’s usually only like 1-2 rings before they pick up. So basically aside from them sleeping there’s a hardly ever a time where they don’t get back to you pretty fast. Is that ‘unattractive’ in your eyes?

Yes

Kinda

Not really

Not at all

Actually i think it adds to my attraction to them

[bobalife]

Everyone differ on this question due to attachment styles, healthy vs unhealthy relationship habits or styles, the thrill of the chase or mystery; or if someone wants to play the game.


I’ve experienced both.. the slow burn or the high of the intensity. I even experienced.. wait, that was too strong and fast for me that turns me off as well. I think it is healthy of using a good balance to let someone have space and breathe while connecting when you both have time. It honestly vary person to person with the communication style, where I’m at in my stage of life and the version of me, and my connection/relationship with the person.


But I’m also learning this week, if they’re meant to be your person… it honestly doesn’t matter because these rules, games, thrill, or whatever you named it doesn’t take away the authentic love and what’s meant to be. But it’s still good to manage a good balance of healthy relationship of time together and time a part with each person type of needs, lifestyle, communication, love languages, relationship ideals and dynamics, and such. Some couples really like to be very attached and clingy. Some likes to be more independent and come back to be together. Some likes to enjoy doing their own interests or hobbies at the same space with one another. Etc

[Still-alive]

Right i just don’t like playing games personally so i usually just reply quickly though i personally don’t mind waiting if they are genuinely busy or they tell me they need space etc

But some people just like that time to miss them i suppose. Thats how attraction works for them.

[Apulu_backagain]

With my first boyfriend I proposed him when he gave me a lot of attention but after we were officially in a relationship then he was more involved with his friend and only texted me few messages on snapchat every few days and that's why I broke up.

And the girl I liked recently, who is also my coming out story by the way, she was actually one of my closest friends before I proposed and we kind of pulled apart. We are friends but not as close as we were.

It depends on how available you are. My second ex was wayyyy too available, but that just drained me. Like if someone is as available as a best friend then that is enough for me. Nothing more and nothing less.

[Still-alive]

oh you're bi? interesting.

Well i guess i don't mean clingy like they text you constantly with little room to breath but more whenever you text or call them they get back super quick!

[Apulu_backagain]

Yeah, i discovered I was bi just few months back.

Yeah, everyday texting for hours is just too overwhelming after first few weeks of relationship because when you meet you don't even have much to talk about. Too much clingy-ness makes me feel like I am losing my personality.

A little distance helps one stay authentic and sane enough to be very involved in the relationship too from what I have learnt so far.

[Still-alive]

Well you got my full support. very pro lgbtq here!

[Apulu_backagain]

That's actually healing to hear from someone my parents' age because any adult I know in my real life including my parents are pretty homophobic.

[Still-alive]

yeah i think it'll change when gen z and your gen get older and the baby boomers and gen x'ers die out.

A lot of y'all are quite gay! lol :D

[Apulu_backagain]

For some reason most of us are freaky as hell and gay too lol

But I guess the gay people from older generations forced themselves to stay quiet about it to avoid being treated as the outcast. We are more accepting of it because internet normalized it to even kids being raised in religious households like me. I would have never realized that I was bi unless I knew it was not wrong to be one through the internet.

[Simslover92]

Not at all. I think it's actually kind of nice to have someone that into me. I hope I find someone like that one day because that's honestly how I am.

[Rei13]

Not really. Personally I’m bad at texting/answering my phone but idc if someone is better at it then I am. If anything I’d rather them not be too much like me lol

[thegreenyogi]

This is an interesting topic. I personally find that when someone shows themselves to be not too available my attraction is greater because I'm that way inclined. If somebody is too available in the beginning it doesn't really last long. So the slow burning dynamic is much better.

[Still-alive]

Why do you think your attraction fades when someone is too available to you?

[thegreenyogi]

Because it's too easy.

[Still-alive]

its just interesting how it be like that sometimes.

[thegreenyogi]

I agree.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Not at all.

I wouldn't go as far as saying it adds to my attraction because I like communication to be relaxed. If she was constantly reacting fast to texts I could feel like she's overly vigilant or feel like she's on duty lol

[MrChinaski]

I went with 'not really'. There's always that whisper in the back of your mind 'So, she's all this. And there's nobody else. What is it that I'm missing?'

[MrChinaski]

@Still-alive Also, great question.

[Ms_Facesitter]

No that makes it that much easier to find out if he's the right guy or not.

[Dnice1]

No, I'd rather then be available than not available at all

[queenofcardio]

Doesn't make a difference to me.