How can I build confidence in dating as a shy, introverted guy?

[Anonymous]

I am 23 yo male and i had one relationship, we were young and it all was kinda awkward. Since then nothing. The truth is i am kinda picky. Few years ago there was one girl i really liked, things were going well but then she ended things and it really hurt me. My last date was 3,5 years ago and last kiss almost three years ago. I am shy and introverted person. It is not so much the rejection i am afraid of it is more appearing awkward and not knowing what to say. I fumbled a lot of girls. I dont know why i am like this and i can be extroverted and talkative. A lot of people told me i am good looking but mostly guys and not girls.

[nolabels]

You say you're shy and introverted, and then you say that you're extroverted and talkative in the same post.
There's a contradiction there.
I won't say that's an impossibility, but maybe it's that you find yourself to be more comfortable in some situations than in others.
I'd venture to say that all humans have ranges of being more comfortable in some situations than others.
You're not alone in that regard.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone in the areas of your life that need that sort of help, a very little bit at a time.
When that uncomfortableness becomes comfortable to you, push yourself a bit further.
Repeat until the desired result has been achieved.
Going for a touchdown when one needs training in basic footwork is a recipe for failure, though, in my experience.

I recognized that need in myself in my early 20s.
My system worked for me.
Wonderfully.
To do so was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.
The payoffs have been very well worth my efforts.

It's not rocket science.
It's also not easy, but neither is it unduly difficult to do.

Just do it.
Don't mull it over.
Do it.

No asker of this same question on G@G has ever responded to my posts in regard to this subject over the years in any way, shape, or form.

Why is that?

I think that the question askers want an easier way handed to them.
I don't know of one.

What say you?

Cheers and good luck to you!

[nomomrnice]

It's just a confidence thing that you're nervous and I get what you're saying I'm fixing to you but I'm picking you in a very unique way follow that up at the end but with that being said you just have to exude nothing but confidence don't be rude just accept thanks for what they are and don't read things into the situation and take control of the situations give this person ask the person what it is they would like to eat but take control of the date right from the get-go but you know being respectful open doors pull out chairs be polite but you can still be in control

[nomomrnice]

Google voice to text is terrible try to figure out what I was doing my pickie ness is I will only date marry a woman with a particular kind of vag. Tough one because you can't just ask that 5 minutes although I have

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Date as many people as you can.

I was very shy at talking to men, I used to be so shy, one day when I got asked out on a dinner I was so nervous, switched my phone off and slept.

Now I am dating just for the sport of it.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I wholeheartedly want to advise you to do that. I was very picky too! So I did what I feared the most, went on dates to the hottest guys, the most interesting guys possible, so that I would desensitize myself to this deep fear and shyness I felt…

The first one or two times it was a little uncomfortable though still an enjoyable experience. It got better and better, to the point that now I am the chattiest person in the room, I can confidently be present with just about anyone… I am living a life! Full, interesting life.

Last week I had 1 3rd date, 1 first date, and 1 2nd date. At this point it’s almost a hobby to enjoy the social interaction. And I am good at it!

I really encourage you to try it! Go for the biggest fish! You’ll have a nice experience. Ar you afraid of getting rejected? Get rejected! We all do! But it’s what builds your confidence.

So there’s something that fears you, you jump straight into it… And just like that, slowly building your confidence and defy your fears, you’ll become the hottest guy in the room my 20 year self would be so shy to date ;)

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

As a result of that exposure therapy I’ve done to myself, I had two amazing relationships , one at 22-26. Loved him and admired him. Really lucky for that chapter. My first love.

And another at 27-29. My second love. Lived some wonderful experiences with him and more importantly he was someone I loved dearly and admired so much…

So both were someone I picked with my very picky heart. And I loved and was loved.

I lived and lived a life worth telling. Nothing would have happened if I hadn’t opposed my fears and done everything that feared me almost to the point of crippling me.

I am a courageous person, I do still feel afraid, it’s part of me, but now I feel afraid and I do things anyway. Build your own version of courage and I am sure you’ll become a very irresistible man.

[Nikki1989]

By dating some more. Date many, date often.

[MrChinaski]

a. Like yourself.

b. Like other people. I don't know what 'picky' means to you. It's hard to know someone before you get to know them.

c. Fake it.

[AngryCarl3]

Well first of all you have to do a lot of dating. When you've done so much that you get good at it, you will naturally have confidence.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

No he doesn't need

[Jeff51]

Your gonna just have to suck it up and go out and meet people. Everyone is little shy at 1st.