Is it normal in Western dating to talk a lot about exes?

[Anonymous]

Hi. I am a woman who was born and raised in an Eastern culture.

I am dating a Western man I met in a Western country where I went to work.

The problem is that he keeps talking to me about the past girlfriends he had.

At first, I asked him. Back when we were just casual and there was nothing romantic, I asked, “Have you met a lot of women?” He said yes.

And when something romantic started between us, he began to seriously talk about those women.

At first, it was just interesting and fun to listen to. Sometimes I asked first or told him to tell me more.

But at some point, I started to feel something was strange, so I told him to stop.

At that time, I already knew everything about those women... their names, faces, ages, jobs, personalities, what kind of dates they had with him, and why it ended.

Then he said, “If you cannot accept my past, how can our love be possible?”

So I told him that the way he keeps mentioning his ex-girlfriends feels like he is disrespecting me, so he should stop.

Then he said, “I just want you to accept every part of me. Just because it is something you don’t want to hear, I cannot pretend my past didn’t exist.”

I don’t know whether talking about exes is normal in this culture or not, but even after I told him it makes me uncomfortable now and asked him to stop, he didn’t respect what I said.

So I thought I should stop seeing him. I felt so bad, so I went to watch a comedy show with my friends.

There, my friend performed a comedy that he prepared, and it was about his ex-girlfriends. And he was there with his new girlfriend. She didn’t look uncomfortable at all, and she laughed a lot at the jokes about his exes.

So I thought,

“Ah, maybe this is Western culture. Maybe I was supposed to listen to all of his stories about his ex-girlfriends. Maybe I am wrong and he is right.”

What do you think?

[Simslover92]

Nope it's not a common thing at least not in my circle. We don't bring up exes unless it's asked about then we will share but not everytime we see each other. That's insane and means they may not have gotten over their exes.

You have every right to feel that way. It's not normal at least not to me.

[NathanDavis]

so, let's recapitulate here...

- at first, you asked him... he just answered

- and you were interested and having fun with it

- then you continued to ask him to tell you more, after again... you asked first

- and then, at some point you feel like he is the one "doing this"

- and then you wonder if half of the world does this... does what exactly? to answer the questions that people keep asking you? well, most of the times people answer what you ask for... but that's a world wide thing, I assume...

[Nikki1989]

I rarely hear anyone talk about exes.

[Zionne]

you just have to confront him, and if he doesn't take it then that's a red flag

[In_Trance]

It's definitely an insecure trait