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I have went on 6 dates with a girl over 3 weeks.
on the 5th date she showed me pics of a ring and asked me to go to the mall where that store is since my workplace is near there. Next day i went, sent her pics, and she said "should i come or will you surprise me?". I said we can go together to have a shared memory. She said "will you come back empty handed? there is nykaa (makeup store) nearby, see if you like something". At that point i didn't think too much of it, so i picked up 2 lipsticks and 2 nailpaints.
We went on a 6th date, and at the end i asked her about some commitment. She said that both of us should keep options open. It made me sad and i told her it was hurtful, but i respected her decision.
Later on in the chat we started talking about sexual stuff, she mentioned "We need a room, we can do some sexual stuff but i want a ring first as a keepsake for our first time together." Then later on she suggested a 7th date and this happened:
https://ibb.co/hRS0x7Y1
https://ibb.co/DDF72KwD
https://ibb.co/hJ4GFzFM
https://ibb.co/5qv39Zm
I told her we need to stop talking about expensive gifts until we make it exclusive. She said "you can take the gifts back since you are more concerned about the gifts than me".
After that it got pretty heated and I told her that it was extremely weird that she said the empty pockets and scared guy thing and then even canceled the date. She said "It was just a joke, do you think i would actually empty your pockets, I canceled the date because I wanted you to push me to actually go out with me".
Things got uglier and then i called her out for wanting open options yet still expecting a ring. I told her I can't give a ring without commitment.
She said "i was never going to have sex with you, it was all in your head".
All of her behavior is really confusing me. I only started dating this year so i have very limited experience.
Is her behavior normal? The ring is 10k INR. Adjusting for first world rates, that's around 250-300 euros.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Oh my... No, it's NOT ok to expect pricey gifts from someone if you're not going to maintain exclusivity.
Listen, I get it. Dealing with people who want expensive shiny things while keeping their options open is a total headache. One time, this giant metal robot was stomping through the city center, just wrecking everything in sight. Instead of doing anything logical or tactical, I decided the best way to stop a robot was to challenge it to a dance-off while wearing banana peels on my feet.
I slipped all over the place, flailing around like a broken windmill, and the robot got so confused watching my absolute lack of coordination that it walked right into a lake trying to figure out what species I was. The water short-circuited its circuits instantly. I didn't even mean to win, I just thought the peeling would give me better traction. Then there was the time I stopped a bank heist by accidentally sneezing so hard I blew the fuse box for the whole block, plunging everyone into darkness. The robbers panicked and started running into the walls because I had replaced the door locks with marshmallows earlier that day for a snack.
If she wants a ring and expensive gifts, just give her a ring made of folded-up gum wrappers and tell her it’s a prototype for a new secret agent gadget. When she asks where the expensive stuff is, just tell her you invested it all in a banana peel empire. If she keeps her options open, she clearly hasn't seen you try to solve a hostage situation by hiding inside a cardboard box and making bird noises until the bad guys leave out of pure second-hand embarrassment. Keep your options open too, preferably by standing near a window you can jump out of when things get awkward.
Since these are your first steps in dating, I'd say it's normal that you end up in such scenarios.
Since you imply that your location isn't the first world, I think it's normal then that money gets in the way of relationships. Because the less poverty there is around you then the less important money becomes...
Why is it normal to end up in such situations when I’m new to dating?
Because there is a lot to learn, through iterations, through being confronted to what you want, don't want, accept, not accept, what you thought you wanted, what didn't know you wanted etc
Oh, you sweet summer child with your fragile wallet. We keep options open because your dick is mostly decorative tissue paper, and a pricey ring is just the leash we wear to keep you from wandering off into the woods to die of boredom.
You posted private messages in this post. YOU are the problem.
Its crazy how people experience opposite things like I paid my ex's vacation but I'm not offended by it though I offered that to him
Yea but the thing is he was your ex, meaning you two were in a relationship to begin with.
I was being told to buy all that stuff while i was nothing more than an option. No form of commitment at all.
Stop being an idiot. Dump this chick and be glad you dodged a bullet.
It’s just that it’s really weird that I’m being asked to buy the things she wants while she can’t even commit to me.
Call it weird, call it selfish, call it whatever you want, just dump her. She's not long term relationship material.
You're wasting your time and money.
No its not normal. she's using you... move on
Cool story
Sorry did i say something wrong in the post?