When does a close opposite‑sex friendship become emotional cheating?

Question

Im not the jealous type but i don’t wanna be the stupid type either so if my boyfriend has a female friend whom he speaks everyday but he had never speak about her to me, how do I know if is just a friend or something else?
He also has a best friend that is female but he doesn’t speak to her everyday and he tell me thing about her, but this other one I know nothing about

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Yea your boyfriend is up to something , do not let him play you a fool , especially if he is talking to this girl every day , he is clearly already cheating on you by him investing all this time into this so called girl friend of his , and it’s very disrespectful and shady to do when you are already in a relationship with someone. So if I was you , I would really reconsider that relationship with him, because when a guy loves a girl , and a girl loves a guy , they don’t do shit like this whatsoever, because it’s disrespectful and shows they don’t truly care about their partners’ feelings whatsoever , so your boyfriend is clearly disrespecting you by investing his time into this other girl How would he feel, if you were investing your time into a so called guy friend and talking to that guy friend every day? I highly doubt he would be happy about it. One thing I learned in relationships , is if a partner doesn’t respect you and prioritize you the same way you do for them , it’s best to end that relationship and find yourself someone that is on the same page as you , that makes you a priority over everyone else. Your boyfriend isn’t going to tell you the truth about his friendship with that girl , he is just going to keep making excuses to you so he can have his cake and eat it to. Do not let him write Sucker on your head because that is clearly what he is doing to you , Tell him straight out you don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy that invests his time into other girls’ period and then tell him it’s over between you too because you want to be with a guy that respects you the same way you respect them and then walk the other way and tell him to Go Fuck himself. I’m not saying it’s not ok to have opposite sex friends’ it’s not ok to invest your time into opposite sex friends’ period if you truly care and love your partner , you wouldn’t be doing it period. That is a red flag you should never ignore whatsoever. And trust me there are plenty of guys’ and girls’ that do not do shit like this to their partners’ whatsoever because it’s a respectful thing to do for each other , your boyfriend isn’t just likes the convenience of you while weighing his options. Find yourself a guy that makes you his top priority period , I dumped girls’ that pulled shit like this on me and it was the best decision I made for myself because there are girls’ out there that don’t do shit like this whatsoever. Find someone that wears your shoes the same way you wear theirs ‘ and you will have a happier healthier relationship with someone trust me

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

I’d say the biggest red flag isn’t that he has a female friend. It’s that she’s apparently important enough to speak to every day, yet you’ve never heard about her.

Having friends of the opposite sex isn’t emotional cheating. Emotional cheating starts when someone begins investing the kind of emotional intimacy, attention, and secrecy that should primarily belong in their relationship. If he’s sharing his thoughts, problems, excitement, and daily life with her while keeping her hidden from you, that’s where I’d start asking questions.

That doesn’t automatically mean he’s cheating. Some people are simply private or don’t think to mention friends. But if a partner talks to someone every day and their significant other knows virtually nothing about them, I’d be curious why.

A simple rule: if he’d be completely comfortable showing you their messages, introducing you, and talking openly about the friendship, it’s probably just a friendship. If there’s secrecy, defensiveness, or a need to keep the relationship compartmentalised, that’s when alarm bells start ringing.

MissSunshine2 · Accepted Answer

Well, I have a really close guy friend who I've just made up with who has a jealous girlfriend. Or so he says. I don't know if it's true or not, but I've tried to invite her to join our friend group, but he won't bring her to join us. I was all ready to let her see firsthand how close Autistic friendships are, that we all naturally have intense friendships without ulterior motives; but he's started doing things like keeping her separate, giving me extra advice and support about other guys, reading my messages and texting me during time with his girlfriend and wanting to see me more often and asking me to catch up and talk more often and he's making big sacrifices for me like hanging out in areas and with people that are important to me. I don't think inviting me out more is strange or compromising for me, but all the other stuff is interesting. Like never bringing her anywhere with us. For me, it's just another intense friendship like I have with all my male and female friends.

I don't believe in emotional cheating, but I would advise you to fight for him if you love him by telling him to set boundaries with her, not to talk during your special time together. It's possible that he has feelings for her. On the other hand, if you're always coming second to her, which seems to be how my guy friend is treating his current girlfriend, through no fault of mine, then what I would do is walk away. If he comes back, then you know he loves you first and then you set boundaries and insist that he puts you first. If he still doesn't or doesn't come back, then he was never really yours and probably making excuses to himself. p. s. I'm sorry you're going through this situation, and it must be heartbreaking. I doubt you're the same woman, but even if you are, I'd give you the same advice and say, tell him straight out to set boundaries with her. If it is me, you have nothing to fear. I told him I'm not competing to save a friendship, and he must sort this out with you himself. I was going to walk away and or distance myself from him for you.

CodeNameTheUnknown · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on what you personally consider cheating because everyone has different definitions. What I see as cheating, you might not see as cheating, and vice versa. Some people don’t believe emotional cheating is a real thing because, to them, cheating is only a physical act. As long as nothing physical has happened, they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. Others believe emotional cheating can be just as damaging because the emotional intimacy, secrecy, and investment that should be going into the relationship is being given to someone else.

To me, a close opposite-sex friendship becomes emotional cheating when it stops being just a friendship and starts crossing relationship boundaries. It’s not about having friends of the opposite sex or texting every day—it’s about secrecy, emotional intimacy that’s reserved for your partner, prioritizing that person over your relationship, and a lack of consideration for how your actions affect your partner.

If someone is talking to a person every day but never mentions them to their partner, it’s fair to question why. That alone doesn’t mean they’re cheating, but transparency matters. If there’s nothing inappropriate going on, there shouldn’t be a need to keep that friendship hidden.

I say this because I’ve been on the other side. I was the “female friend” who was kept a secret. We were intimate, and I had no idea he had a girlfriend until I found out later through other people. At the same time, she didn’t know about me either. That experience taught me that being kept hidden isn’t always innocent. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here, but it’s exactly why I believe secrecy and a lack of transparency are what turn a friendship into something that starts crossing the line.

A female friend isn’t the issue—the secrecy and lack of transparency are. Have a conversation, don’t approach it as an accusation, but explain that you noticed a difference between the two friendships.

Explain how you feel, and pay attention to whether he reassures you or dismisses your concerns.

ohsheeT · Answer

Life friendship and relationships sometime are crazy and hard to balance

I can only speak for myself
But when I meet a girl and we become friends there comes a moment in time you have to stop and weigh it out

I like her she's hot sexy and of course I want to get in to her pants

But in that moment I ask myself if I do that then we will start dating

Then ask myself how long will it last are we that compatible that it will last

And if you're honest with yourself if it's not meant to be if it's something that you know in your heart that will not last if you're in a relationship with this person then why screw up a good friendship the friendship you Bond your clothes and if you come better friends because of what you're doing because you're being honest with her and with yourself

A man and a woman can become very good friends and not have that romantic relationship because once that romantic relationship ends so does the friendship

Even though the man usually wants to go there he also knows that it would be stupid to do so because he does not want the friendships he end

If a man is in a relationship after the fact of the friendship that he has for somebody you have to understand if you wanted to be with her he would have already been with her they just have that trust that Bond of a true friendship I don't know your boyfriend and I don't know the girl that he's friends with so it's hard to really give you a good answer on both of them all I can do is speak for myself

Account · Answer

I think it is kind of sketchy that he has not spoken to you about her. I always inform my relationships about my guy friends and the kind of relationship we have and I expect the same. Why would they feel the need to hide her of he actually had nothing to hide?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If he does anything with another girl that he tries to keep hidden from you, he has crossed the line.

DishLady · Answer

When you go to that person (1) about your SO, (2) instead of your SO, (3) about private topics that should have stayed private (between you and your SO).

Amy10223 · Answer

You've heard about the "emotional cheating" being no such thing, so I won't comment. But I do agree with PurpleRonnie below, who said if the female friend your boyfriend speaks to everyday, and doesn't share what she has to say, that is kind of a questionable thing. Do you know when she calls or texts him? Is this any time of the day, or you don't know? I assume she knows he has a girlfriend--you. So you can ask your boyfriend, that you're curious about her being he doesn't talk about her. What is her relationship to him? Don't be demanding to know, just casually ask what she talks about ( don't say what does she mean to you, because that will show him you are insecure. You don't want to steer him to her). You CAN ask him if he has ever dated her. Simple, honest question. His answer and his reaction to the question will tell you more. You are not a jealous person, and so it's good sure about your relationship with him, so I would simply ask but not make it into an inquisition. If I had a boyfriend who had a best friend who was female, I'd be a little nervous too.

jshm2 · Answer

First off, there is no such thing as "emotional cheating" - it's a coined term and means nothing.

Secondly. he's only your boyfriend, not your husband. He can do exactly whatever he likes with anybody, as can you. You have nothing in faith or law protecting either of you.

You're treating this relationship like you're both married, when you're not. But it seems you're the psycho jealous type trying to build a narrative to get him on.

Best break things off right now, before you do things you'll regret. You're not stable enough to maintain this.

RavVid · Answer

I have had close female friends but when they have scored a boyfriend I have backed off and not intruded on his role. Similarly when I got a girlfriend I backed of that dynamic too.

I regard that as a golden rule.

In this case I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he saw her in a romantic light he would be with her not you.

You could simply suggest he invite her over for dinner.

They can be quite a help in a relationship in fact so I suggest you try to make her your friend as well.

Screenwriter · Answer

People have SO relationships and they have other opposite sex relationships because you cannot get everything from one person. You cannot call a friendship cheating, especially if it existed before your relationship and doesn't change.

I think the SO should realize this and not be jealous. That friendship brings things to the relationshp, just as the SO adds something to the friendship.

All the people in our lives enhance what we have with the others we relate to. You can always ask your boyfriend about the other person you don't know. See what he ways.

PinkNoir · Answer

It's weird he doesn't bring you up. If he's deleting any of their messages or doesn't let you see messages red flag. I would ask to hang out together to get the vibe.

He shouldn't be venter to her about you or going to her about personal and emotional issues. Especially if he wouldn't go to you first.

kitty_404 · Answer

The first thing that stands out to me isn't that he has female friends—people can absolutely have friends of any gender. What concerns me is that he talks to this woman every day but has never mentioned her to you, while he's open about his other female best friend. That difference is worth paying attention to.

It doesn't automatically mean he's cheating, but people usually don't hide someone they talk to every day without a reason. In a healthy relationship, there should be transparency. Instead of assuming the worst, I'd ask him about her directly and see how he responds. His reaction and explanation will tell you much more than jumping to conclusions.

HighValue · Answer

People in a relationship shouldn't hang out one on one with opposite gender people, and definitely shouldn't be hugging, holding hands, cuddling, or anything like that.

Also, anyone that refuses to stop having a smartphone when in a relationship shouldn't expect loyalty or a lasting relationship, they should expect lots of stress and problems instead.

Miristheiss · Answer

The moment they get into an exclusive, romantic relationship but still want to keep this friend close.

NO ONE should choose to commit to someone keeping a close opposite sex friend.

Say no that that. Do not date such a person. Not relationship material.

Alex-Snow · Answer

If they spend more time with their friend than you, if flirting happens and ofc if any sex occurs. Have you spoken to him about it? It is ok to have friends of the opposite sex but those in a relationship need to balance it and not get carried away. How solid is your relationship and sex life with him?

Anonymous · Answer

I guess when he prefers to spend more time around her than you.

And I'm assuming this is some time after your relationship is already established rather than a new relationship because if it's new of course he's gonna be spending more time around his friends he already knows male or female.

Nikki1989 · Answer

What crosses into emotional cheating isn't who you're friends with — it's what that friendship serves and what you're withholding from your partner as a result.

Micheal6918 · Answer

Being too close to an opposite sex when you know you have a serious relationship with someone is cheating because if reverse was the case you won't be happy with it either

ginger_snap · Answer

I've had close guy friends. And my bfs have had close gal friends. We always made sure to make everyone included so it didn't feel anything going on behind the back.

Brandi555 · Answer

Well obviously if there is physical things like kissing or sexual activity, but if there are feelings of attraction then I would call that cheating because he has feelings for her and continues to see her.

MrChinaski · Answer

There is no such thing as 'emotional cheating'. It's called friendship. If you think friendship is cheating then you are a jealous person. Fix you, not your partner.

Anonymous · Answer

Something yes but Its not something you can put in those words.
You have that complete control over the love life, and emotions. But she has been in his life way longer then you so there will be a bit of bias what he can talk to you and what he can talk to her.
It will go away if you can create a safe space

Anonymous · Answer

I had a close female friend. We spoke many times a week. She's married. I have visited them, and the husband knows me. I have no interest in having sex with her or having an intimate relationship. After years of friendship, she abruptly ended the friendship with no explanation. I was shocked. I can only assume that her husband was threatened by me on some level. It has now made me very cautious about befriending women.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

When his dick penetrates. In all seriousness, if he had sex with her before I would say it's a big deal already. If not every circumstance is different.

RingOfFire · Answer

I would be concerned about the one he doesn't talk to you about. If he is open about a relationship with another woman, that is a sign he isn't hiding something. If he is not open about it that is suspicious.

WhitneySnow · Answer

When you start expressing romantic feelings to each other. Him not telling you anything about her is really sus.

mothefriendly · Answer

When you have to hide things or keep secrets no matter how small. There should be boundaries for sure that sholdnt be crossed out of respect for your partner.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Nah, don't trust that.. He's definitely doing other things or has ulterior motives with her.. She's probably not even his "friend", but some girl he talked to and may still want..

Pretendingtobesweet · Answer

I think all men are trash. I heard of it didn’t believe it because I was hoping. But it’s the reality.

spartan55 · Answer

'how do I know if it's a friend or something else' You don't

CountryWanderer · Answer

His lack of transparency is the issue. He's up to something

Essa1212 · Answer

When one or more parties attempts to make a romantic move.

Anonymous · Answer

Because instead of trusting you man you go to another man to hear you bitch at him while he jerks off to your text messages.

msc545 · Answer

You either trust him or you don't. If you don't, you should break up with him.

jahaims · Answer

When it crosses healthy boundaries obviously. If you have to ask what cheating is you shouldn't even be in a relationship.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Lol. There's no such thing as "emotional cheating." There's only physical ( ie kissing, sex, etc). "Emotional cheating" is just friendship.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

If he's hiding her from you, then it's automatically cheating.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Cheating is essentially whatever the partner deems it to be.

In_Trance · Answer

If you rely on the friend more than your significant other, it's cheating

Anonymous · Answer

When it pushes into behavior that you wish to hide from your significant other, and when it starts taking away from your significant other.

CupOfCoffee01 · Answer

Some especially if one or both happen to be gay. From stuff I hear from little brother.

ThisSiteSux · Answer

When the woman you are legally obligated to like isn't who you really like.

Pohjolan · Answer

Emotions are exactly just that, emotions. Cheating is cheating.

Smegskull · Answer

I don't understand emotional cheating. Maybe because I am not particular emotional.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

When you start doing thing your afraid or ashamed to tell the person you're in the relationship with

Anonymous · Answer

It's not cheating unless it becomes more than just friendship

Dargil · Answer

When it is overthought.

Honeyateleven · Answer

A man wants a mature woman 😂

Alexson_stormzy · Answer

Twisted entangled feelings

DirtyOldMan777 · Answer

when it becomes a friendship

Hulk30 · Answer

ask and investigate

Athenathehuntress · Answer

Hey i reported your post!

Anonymous · Answer

When you have sex

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

He's cheating

MasterKS · Answer

typical! LOL

When does a close opposite‑sex friendship become emotional cheating?

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When does a close friendship cross an emotional affair?

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When does a close friendship cross an emotional affair?

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