In modern relationships, what does the average man actually add to a woman’s life?

[MzAsh]

I keep hearing traditional men say they “provide and protect,” but when asked what they personally provide, the answer quickly becomes a list of things men as a group have built: roads, houses, cars, power lines, the military, civilization itself.

That isn’t what one man brings to one relationship.

Women now earn money, pay bills, buy homes, drive, manage households and hire professionals when something needs fixing. Paying half the mortgage she also pays is participation, not provision.

So what does the individual man actually make better? Does he reduce her burden? Bring steadiness, initiative, competence, generosity and emotional safety? Or is his entire value proposition that he might fight an intruder one day?

Physical protection may matter during an emergency. Emotional safety matters every Tuesday.

She isn’t dating the male labor force. She’s dating you. What do you personally improve?

[sawno]

These days because society is broken both provide very similar things. In a healthy society there is only one 40 hour per work income needed to support a family of two children and then you can have one partner look after the children on a given day while the other does the income. Divide those tasks how you see fit. Its to much and very hard for one person to do every single role. People try to outsource those responsibilities but then you have very little say over your children compared to how it should be.

So there are two scenarios, either you can get by with one income and he can provide for you entirely. Or, because the economy has gone down the drain you need his income for stability. In both cases he brings that side to the table to where you don't actually have to work your ass off and can focus on a family together. (Or the other way round / a mix of the roles if you prefer that sort of thing, most people don't prefer it the other way round though).

But I wouldn't look at it like a work transaction, because if you look at it that cold we don't need you either. There is a lot of redundancy and both can probably get by solo if they keep it modest and child free. So in a world where you all wanted maximum equality don't be surprised if the answer is "Anything you can do I could do myself" because you wanted that outcome.

No the real depth of a quality relationship is what it brings that you don't easily achieve outside of one. The true deep bond, the depth of the love for each other, being each others best friend, mental sparring partner, the lovemaking, having someone to have your back when you need them, the emotional support like you said, someone who can help make decisions when you feel lost. You know, the usual things that are natural in relationship and that make them a joy.

That is personally what I am after at least, I am not after her money, but I am after a true companion and the deepest form of love possible. And in turn what I look for in a partner I also bring to the table to a large extent. I'm looking for an equal to be one with. But yes I'd love to be the main provider if my health improves enough to do so.

[MzAsh]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I don’t think society is necessarily broken simply because men and women now provide many of the same things. I think the real problem is that our economic system gives most couples very little freedom to design the home and family life that actually fits them.

My ideal wouldn’t be one person working forty hours while the other is locked into the domestic role. It would be both partners doing meaningful work for fewer hours, both bringing income into the home, and both having enough time to handle domestic life and, where applicable, raise children. I prefer a balanced model because I don’t want either person boxed into one function.

So when men say they bring “protection and provision,” that means something different to me than a paycheck and the possibility of fighting off an intruder. I care more about what affects my life every day: emotional safety, shared responsibility, initiative, time, flexibility, companionship, and a partner who doesn’t leave me carrying the home while he calls himself the provider.

I agree with you that the deeper value of a relationship is the bond, friendship, intimacy, support, and doing life together. Being capable of surviving alone doesn’t make love redundant. It means the relationship is chosen rather than required for survival.

I also have no issue with couples who genuinely want a traditional arrangement. But people need to be honest about what that model requires from both sides. Having one traditional opinion does not make someone a traditional man or woman. A lot of people seem to want the privileges of a traditional role without accepting its full responsibilities.

[sawno]

I think were in full agreement but you missed the part on why I think it is broken.
Its broken because both must bring the same to the table, same opinion as your " I think the real problem is that our economic system gives most couples very little freedom to design the home and family life that actually fits them."

Traditionally society was structured in such a way that a single income was enough, so then the guy brings that stability to the table solely. And then you can choose to do something else or have a mix of both like you say. But it brings that freedom to structure it the way you want. With the economy being this much of a disaster it means both parents have to do both roles at the same time, that doesn't work. That is what I mean is broken.

We can no longer offer what we traditionally should have been able to offer and its through no fault of our own. But because the incomes have barely grown when the expenses have skyrocketed.

[ohsheeT]

Provide protect stability friendship communication patience love lust orgasms wisdom Trust Whipping Post of themselves Harmony laughter respect we are there in the good times as well as in the bad times we are there when we are verbally destroyed not because we like it but because we love the person we're with we have patience understanding and we know when to run a bubble bath we know when to keep our mouth shut and just let her vent because we are friends

Each man is different just like each woman is different but what we put into each other is what we get out of each other and that's growth and understanding

[Nikki1989]

Emotional Partnership, Intimacy, Personal Growth & Interpersonal Support.

The basics...

[Abbycado]

Support and companionship.

[Levin]

So I'd be curious as to why you have framed the question in this way.

This seems to be part of the modern adversarial dynamic between men and women, which in part, feminism is to blame for. As is the destruction of traditional gender roles. Indeed, women are having their careers, and they're also doing just as much shit in the house. So yes, they're getting a bum deal. And men, indeed, while before they could provide with one salary, now it takes two, often, to provide a basic lifestyle. So it's like we've all been duped by this consumerist and materialist lifestyle. Women have swapped their slavery to men, to the corporate 9 to 5 and their careers. And it makes having babies very difficult under those circumstances. Maybe we should go back to our traditional gender roles... I know, a most crazy idea!

What I provide for her is not transactional, and won't be reduced to those kinds of materialist conceptions.

[sawno]

I pretty much agree, but the mistake in society i'd describe a bit different.
"We have it really good with your income, but if I also work we will have it really well off and can afford a lot of luxury" -> "Were getting it tight, ill also work so we can do something fun for the kids more often" -> *Everyone has to have to incomes to barely support a kid*.
Its because people allowed situations where they are two incomes to begin with that things were allowed to spiral out of control to where its now mandatory to get by. Its completely broken.

I am still at the standard where a single 40 hour income needs to be able to support a family of two children. That is the healthy situation where you can raise those children properly. If we look at our societies along that standard I think most of us life in poverty and are masking it with double incomes.

[MzAsh]

I framed the question this way because it came out of another thread where several self-described traditional men were asked what they personally add to a woman’s life, and they kept answering with what men collectively built or with rigid provider-protector language.

I agree that the current economic model overworks people and gives families too little freedom. But I don’t accept that women entering the workforce means society should return women to financial dependence. Why is men working forty hours framed as noble provision, while women doing the same work is framed as corporate slavery?

My preferred solution is more flexibility for everyone, meaning shorter workweeks, shared domestic responsibility, and room for couples to build the arrangement that fits them. Couples who genuinely want traditional roles should be free to choose them. That is very different from declaring those roles the correct social model for everyone.

And “what I provide is not transactional” does not actually answer the question. I’m not asking for a price tag. I’m asking what you personally bring: companionship, emotional safety, loyalty, steadiness, support, initiative, practical help? What does your presence make better in her life, in your own words?

[Levin]

I agree with that. The corporate 40 hour working week is slavery. But as a general rule I would advocate women working part time or on some creative endeavour. And that's how I also feel men should work, now that you mention it. Not for some scummy and soulless organisation.

I'm not answering the last question because the original post was not framed in good faith. I don't cast pearls before swine. Not saying you're a swine, and I appreciate the explanation why you worded the question as you did. Okay, let me give a silly reply: I gonna eat the pussy with an incredible level of enthusiasm.

[HighValue]

Most women are incompetent in many areas in life and the man often provides a logical thought process to solve problems and resolve things. Also, men are often protecting their SO and preventing danger just by being present even though many women are too ignorant to realize that.

[AngryCarl3]

You don't need a man if you can run the household on your own income and don't plan to have kids. It sounds like a cruddy life but at least you'll have your independence.

[slatyb]

Companionship, support through difficult times, safe sex, sharing the necessary work of life.

[loveslongnails]

Great to see you back Mz. Ash !!

[MzAsh]

Thank ya!

[loveslongnails]

The children have been misbehaving and require some discipline! :)

[MzAsh]

I see that lol
I hope you are well

[loveslongnails]

And you... may I message?

[TonyMetal___1986]

I can improve your circus skills miss circus lady 🤣🤣

[jahaims]

You still dont understand masculine and feminine roles at your age..

[Bklynbadboy12]

We add the same thing that modern women add companionship

[Factual_person]

Women now have equal rights, equal rights equal responsibilities, simple as that.

[Micheal6918]

Value which is defined as money to women

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Nothing... absolutely nothing.

[Paige2006]

Sex...