How does a shy and sensitive tomboy find the right guy?

[roseofthewolf]

I'm 17 and have never even had anyone have a crush on me. I've had depression since I was 6 years old and I also have ADD (attention deficit disorder) I'm not stupid or anything. I'm very self conscious and have low self esteem but I've been accepting that I'm pretty, maybe not in the best shape for 5 feet 8.5 inches, but I should get a chance to feel someone cares about me, right? I just don't know how to do that. What should I do?

[dunc17]

First of all, build your confidence. If you don't love yourself, how can anyone else? Think about your strengths and play them up. When you think about your strengths, it will automatically bring your confidence up! I promise! Don't tell me you have no strengths because everyone's been given talents no matter how large or small, every talent is significant.

Second, hang out with friends. Find people you can be yourself around and that will bring your spirits up. Don't rely on a guy to bring yourself up. Bring yourself up by taking control of your life and finding yourself.

Just have fun instead of wasting your time wanting a guy. Guys will find you when the timing's right. When you find some confidence and feel good in your own shoes, guys will notice. If you're too shy, ask friends to talk to guys or introduce you.

I used to be like you. I had low confidence because I felt like guys never noticed me. I'm a tomboy too and was very shy. I only had one boyfriend in high school. My best friend introduced us and it didn't last but it was a good relationship. Once I hit college, I decided to raise my confidence and finally be okay being single. I rely on my friends and just hang out/talk to guys. I've had loads more guys seem interested just because I'm confident and independent.

[roseofthewolf]

It does make me feel better that I'm not alone in these situations... I do have strengths but maybe I'm too humble to fully bring themto attention... Thanks!

[dunc17]

You can be humble but still bring them out. See if you can put yourself in situations where you know you can do something well. That's how I show mine instead of bragging. No problem!

[Anonymous]

These things tend to come around when you're ready for them -- or rather, they reveal themselves to you when you are ready to see them. It's completely true, and I'm speaking from experience. It has nothing specifically to do with the ADD or your depression, it's just the "place" that you're in when you meet different people. You'll naturally be attracted to and repelled by specific individuals. Just pay attention to your instincts.

[EmilyW]

I'm exactly like you and plus I'm 17 and have ADD to dealing with the exact same things. I'm a big tomboy to and very depressed and have no crushes. Crushes can't be known because some guys are just to afraid to admit they like you. Don't worry you ain't alone in this. Keep your head up!

[roseofthewolf]

Thank you! But guys must be pretty big babies if they can't just admit if they like a girl. They think they're so tough, Ha!

[CuriousEddie]

Are you in an area where girls jeans and flannels is the norm? I mean, a more rural area? If you aren't, then it looks like you're more of a loner, and most guys may not notice you as much.

Besides, you don't have to dress one particular way all the time anyway... depending on whether it is work, school, dates, or going out with friends. Dressing up a little special once in a while may make you feel special, help your self-esteem, and get you a little more noticed by guys.

I'm not trying to focus on one particular thing... it just came to mind.

But you should think about your own self-esteem. Find validation in yourself first, and don't look to others to give it to you. You won't find it that way, and you might find someone who makes you feel less about yourself, too.

[roseofthewolf]

I live in the northwest, but people just dress how they want, I'm just more comfortable in jeans and t-shirts/flannels. That doesn't make me sound like a lesbian does it? Because I'm not.

[CuriousEddie]

lol... no, I wasn't thinking you were a lesbian. But you're right, some guys would have that prejudice, perhaps...

[roseofthewolf]

Sounds to me you're not one of those guys with prejudice ;) That's awesome

[CuriousEddie]

And the jeans and flannels look can be cute, too... but it can also prevent you from showing yourself at your best.

[roseofthewolf]

Then I'll have to wait for a guy who likes girls in flannels won't I? (mainly I wear men's flannels because the girls "flannels" don't fit me in the arms right. Biceps.

[amoda]

hey. I have add and I'm really into a girl with add...so it's super frustrating trying to get through to her and let her know that she doesn't have to feel self conscious and whatnot, plus the fact that I'm also kind of the same way. hang in there! it's super difficult, but someone will come around and care for you exactly the way you are

[roseofthewolf]

Your comment just made my day. Thank you!

[Habakkuk]

Well for starters, a lot of crushes may not be publicly known, ie, someone might secretly have a crush on you but be too nervous to actually break it to you. So often is the case in grade school. Also, once you get out of high school, you might actually have people appreciate you for who you are, not just a shallow superficial 2 month 'relationship'..

things to think about. Also, some nice clothes (doesn't have to be too fancy) etc never hurts

[roseofthewolf]

I think you're absolutely right. Thank you somuch! Oh by the way, I'm a tomboy/country girl so I mostly where t-shirts, flannel shirts (from men's section), jeans, boots or converse sneakers. That's me!

[Musical546]

hmm. just relax and be yourself. do whatever you can to fuel your self-esteem and build yourself up. xD. after that, just hang out with guys and something will happen. wow. this sounds like crappy advice, but I'm totally serious lol.

[roseofthewolf]

Noit's not crappy advice. Even if it is, I'm still flattered that you responded. Thank you!

[Musical546]

even if it is? =P. haha. I usually do better xD.

[Anonymous]

doesn'tt everyone have ADD now? its kind of accepted... just be you.

[roseofthewolf]

Some people think so but maybe it's harder on me because I've been diagnosed by a doctor and take medications. But then again, being ADD makes me more creative!