Does my boyfriend want the best of both worlds?!

So my boyfriend I have been dating for about 8 months. He has literally one friend he hangs out with and its a girl. BUT she's a lesbian. At first it didn't bother me because all I knew about her was that she was gay, but as our relationship grew more details came out that started to peck away at me.

He told me that he used to like her, A LOT. He asked her out at one point and they got into a huge argument over it. He's also told me that numerous times he's asked her if he could see her boobs (she has big boobs) and he would show her his "junk". I asked what happened and he said that she "refused". I wasn't really worried and I told him he was an idiot for going after a lesbian but he told me that she wasn't always one, that she actually lost her V-Card to a guy and they tell each other everything, they have a bond I wish I had, and it worries me.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating he never hung out with her, he would text her ALL day EVERY day and I am COMPLETELY okay with that, but now I leave on weekends for work and now suddenly when I'm gone he hangs out with her. She's a bad influence on him, he's trying to quit smoking but she chain smokes, his doctors informed him not to drink, she literally lives in a bar.

Back before I knew either of them he said he used to buy her anything and everything, they would go out of town together, go to strip clubs together, share the same hotel room. That stuff was all before me so its null and void but it only feeds into my worries that he's trying to get the best of both worlds.

By that I mean, he has me to have sex with, but her for everything else! Like having fun, confiding in... I want to be his best friend, not her. I know that's selfish but it would be a lot easier if SHE was a HE.

I've met her before and she's very cool, he always comments on how easy going she is and funny, and I agree, and I've mentioned to him how I thought she was pretty and he said "She is, she has this different look to her that I really like" WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? When all three of us hang out together he is a completely different person, he's more showy and flirty with her, I end up the third wheel.

I liked it before when they were simply texting buddies but now he has to be all sneaky and hang out with her ONLY when I'm out of town. Is that normal?! He doesn't exactly know how I feel about the whole situation. I don't want to be one of those controlling girlfriends so I encourage him to hang out with her... while I'm home, he always refuses, but as soon as I leave, like literally the night I leave he goes and hangs out with her.

I would just really like you to put yourself in my situation as my boyfriend and PLEASE tell me what you think is going through his mind! Is he just settling for me since he can't have her?

I would love to be more okay with this and less jealous! I mean I myself have guy friends but I DO NOT hang out with them with out him. NEED GOOD ADVICE PLEASE!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you but the fact is you either put up with it or you don't.

    I always believed if it was just too much anguish, I walked away even if he was a good guy

    • I put up with it simply because he's everything I have ever wanted in a guy. The only problem seems to be with myself and how jealous I am over this girl. Its mostly jealousy over the fact that they are so close and I want what they have, I believe I deserve what they have since I'm the girlfriend and she's just the friend. He alway's reassures me but I just like to get advice from people other than friends who can be honest and won't worry about offending me. Thanks for your input

    • Show All
    • Things like his friend and my ex finds it hilarious. But as dumb as his friend is one day his friend is going to do something so wreckless it'll affect my ex's life. Doubt they'd be friends after. So like I said find out what common bond they have and fill that void or befriend her too

    • That is a seriously good idea! I never even thought of that! I'm going to get down to the bottom of this haha. You have been a serious help. I enjoy discussing issues with you! Very helpful!

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  • Addme if you want or message me

  • i think you should talk to him about and then make the decision to leave or stay

    • I don't want to leave, I want to be okay with this situation but I don't know if this is a normal situation or not! I'm totally lost and confused on this, he is everything I have ever wanted and I don't want to lose him over something is silly as this (if I am just being paranoid and silly) When ever I try and talk about it with him he brushes it off as nothing and tells me not to worry. I have been lied to before by bf's and from past relationships ruining me I feel like I'm ruining this one.

    • i see what your saying but don't allow that faer to because you get hurt in the end