She says she has "too much on her plate" right now.... What?

[Anonymous]

I met this woman online. We are both 31 and both have children from previous relationships. We live about an hour and a half apart, and we decided to meet for the first time in Las Vegas. We had the most incredible weekend together. We both agreed that we had never felt so comfortable around someone. We knew the long distance thing would be tough but we decided to give it a shot. I went to her house the following weekend and met her kids, and they really liked me. We had another great weekend. The night I left she got into a big fight with her ex and out of left field told me that she has "too much on her plate right now to handle a relationship" and "she couldn't give me what I deserve right now". I have tried reasoning with her. I am the type of person that would never give up on the possibility of love with someone no matter what the issues. I know that she DOES have a lot of crap going on in her life, so I believe her. We still talk, but it's so... friendly. It is very hard on me. Do I wait for this woman to work through her issues? or do I move along? I see us being really great together. We have a lot in common and share many of the same feelings and interests. I just don't want to give up on her. Advice PLEASE :(

Updates

+1 y

When I try to talk to her, (mostly over text) about US... she won't say anything. I asked her if I should hold out hope that she'll come back and she doesn't say no, but not really a yes either, all she says is she can't handle it right now. Why sign up on a dating site, meet someone, and THEN decide you aren't ready?

[LittleMissGriff]

She thought she was ready to date. Maybe she was ready to date. Then life continued. Things change suddenly, the past surfaces unexpectedly, and someone's mental state shifts. Basically, sum it up as: Shit Happens.

If you honestly think you've got a good thing going, wait for her. But WAIT. Stop pressuring her for answers. Stop pushing for a yes/no/maybe so. She's already said she can't deal with it right now. All you're doing is making her deal with it. She gave you an out. She said she couldn't give you what you deserved. Stop being huffed that she isn't.

If you want a relationship this instant, it's time to move on. If you want a relationship with this woman, stick around. So what if you're friendly? Worst case scenario: You leave this situation with one more friend than you began.

You need to decide what you want. Then you need to respect what she wants.

[Asker]

My problem with "waiting" is I just don't know how much contact to keep. She has been consistently texting me at least once a day since our "break up" and I have been making it a point to NOT be the one to initiate contact. From a woman's perspective, does a guy acting like he doesn't care really work? My fear is that if I become a "friend" then it will stay that way.

[LittleMissGriff]

Keep talking to her. Keep supporting her. You're allowed to say you're waiting for her, simply so she realizes you haven't given up on the friendship. Relationships should be friendships, anyway. She should be able to rely on you through her hard times when she's wrung so dry she can barely make it through the day, just like one day you should.

If you get friend zoned, it wasn't meant to be. Deal with the situation at hand instead of trying to play the game three steps ahead.

[Asker]

As I already commented above... I went back on the site we met on out of curiosity and because I got a strange vibe today... her profile is back up (we both took ours down when we decided to date each other). I want to confront her with it and ask her about it, but I don't want to piss her off... I feel like I've just had my face slapped. Is she just playing the field to see if I am who she really wants? Or does she not care about me anymore... do you think I should say something?

[LittleMissGriff]

Bring it up. It sounds like you've already been friend zoned and she doesn't know how to tell you she's not interested anymore.

[Honeybaby]

She obviously knew about her situation before joining the dating website. Her actions were very selfish and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, there are people like that in this world. My advice to you is to leave her alone and move on. She should have sorted out her problems before meeting new people, I'm sure you don't need that type of drama in your life. You said that 'I see us being really great together', no one knows or can ever foresee the future. 'We have a lot in common and share many of the same feelings and interest', there are thousands of other women with no dramas that probably share the same feeling and interest as you too. Sometimes you have to give and let go. The situation was not an honest or fair start to the relationship anyway.

[segurans]

I think maybe she's just scared cause she has strong feelings for you and her ex is making her feel like a mess and she doesn't want you to see that side of her and she's scared she's going to get hurt I think if you can try to show her you would be there for her no matter what your not gonna just bail the moment she breaks.

[Asker]

What I don't understand is how she just completely shut her feelings off. That's the hardest part. She almost acts like it never happened. Is that just her way of feeling less pain?

[segurans]

That would be my guess yeah. Unfourtanatly I do that sometimes I hate it its annoying and stupid lol. I'm trying not to do that right now as we speak. Its just so scary I feel so vulnerable cause I have never loved someone like this and my boyfriend lives in a different state so its even harder. just assure her and try to get her to talk about it and let her know you just want to listen and understand and be there for her.

[Asker]

She literally just texted me and said she heard a song that reminded her of me... makes it even more difficult.

[segurans]

If in all honesty when you think about your soul mate I mean literally your soul mate like the girl of your dreams even in the bedroom and you know she is the one then try if she's not then your soul mate and perfect match may still be out there you never know.

[Asker]

She seems to be everything I want in all ways. She is beautiful, smart, funny, caring, sweet, and yes ***blushes*** great in the bedroom.

[segurans]

Then all you can do is try to get down to the bottom of it :) I hope everything works out I have a really good feeling about this. I'm sure there's just a little misunderstand or something that will be figured out :)

[Asker]

uh-oh... just off of a hunch someone gave me, I went back on the dating website we met on... her profile is back up... I don't know what to think right now. Do I confront her with this, or let it go and just pretend I didn't see what I saw.

[segurans]

i always go back on mine to look at my boyfriends pics and reread his info to see if I miss something and to re read the first conversation we ever had. You can't always assume the worst you never know if it bugs you and the right moment comes to talk about it all you can do it be honest with someone and get answers.

[Asker]

problem with that is... we both deleted them the same day, she knows mine isn't on there so there would be nothing for her to look at...

[emmabee11]

That sounds fishy :\ I could just be assuming here but if she actually liked you why would she then go back on the dating website? she sleeps with you and spends a good couple of weeks with you then suddenly boom! she goes off and comes up with this whole ex story? are you sure she is the right girl for you?. I never believe anything until someone can give me full proof they are not messing me around and right now I am getting a red flag from this situation, ask her why I guess.

[segurans]

i would talk to her about it and have a good converstation so there are no misunderstandings.

[tibo1979]

Bro,This must be very confusing to you. But I believe you should better stop trying so hard man. If she really cares for you she'll contact you. Just let it be for a while. Don't push things for it will have the opposite effect of what you would like to see happen. And if she stops cntacting you,., Yeah well I wouldn't like beeing with someone who doesn't sincerely wants to be with me, would you?

Dont look at the fact she signed up on a dating site man. Many people even just sign in for the heck of it and/or even while beeing in a relationship.

Were just ordinary people. We really don't know wich way to go sometimes...

[Asker]

Thank you... and yes it is confusing... Women are fickle sometimes and I am learning that the hard way. I'm just going to let her be. She contacts me at least once a day through text at least just to say hi. So I will take it for what it's worth.

[NonchalantBro]

I would give her some space, take what she says at face value, and be understanding and patient.

[emmabee11]

Sounds like her ex is causing a lot of crap right now but hey... it's Vegas what do you expect? you got some real nut cases there, she probably doesn't want you getting in the middle of her arguments with her and her ex, of course I don't know what it would have to do with her ex when she dates other people but I guess there is a lot of jealous people out there these days. Id hang on for a bit and she how it goes.

[Asker]

Neither of us is actually from Vegas... I was going out there for a weekend and she agreed to meet me there because she has a brother that lives there.

[emmabee11]

Oh OK well I hope she comes around soon but yeh id not get in the middle of her and her ex right now as it can turn pretty nasty, I would just let her sort it out.

[Asker]

The messed up thing is... her ex has a live in girlfriend, but doesn't want to let go

[emmabee11]

I don't know why she is dealing with him then, he shouldn't be in a relationship if he still loves her but too many just rush into things but that poor girl he's going out with she should tell her what he is doing, he is just using that girl as a security blanket. Of course it's hard to tell a girl that likes a guy what is going on but at least it will get him to stay away from her when he realizes she ain't going to let him get away with trying to get back with her and using that girl.

[livingdeadgirl69]

If you are really interested then wait for her. I'm sure she'll come to an understanding that she will need this relationship later. Don't stop looking though.

[JustAnotherGuy904]

My fellow bros, if a woman does this to you, she's not intrested. Stop overthinking this and making yourself look like a simp. Move on immediately and find another woman. For dating advice for men, look at Better Bachelor channel on Youtube.

[freewill10]

how far away do you live from each other?

[Asker]

about 120 miles. around two hours.