Is my ex-girlfriend stringing me along?

My ex-girlfriend and I split up about 6 months ago after a 2 year relationship. After she moved out we didn't speak for approximately 3 months. When I was moving out of the apartment we lived in together I contacted her to let her know what mail she needed to change over and arranged to take over some things that were left in a car I bought for her.

We started hanging out for a week or so which was great but then it abruptly stopped after some family issues came back into play. At this point we knew we still had feelings for each other.

After about another week of no communication we started talking again like we would during our hay days of the relationship. It seemed like we both wanted to progress things but she has her guard up at this point about me hurting her again.

After this point she stopped messaging me back, not answering calls. So I simply stopped messaging to gather my thoughts on where we were at and what I thought about her. I sent her a letter basically saying there was a chance for us if we figured out a few things, hoping she would recognize where she also went wrong.

I got a letter back a few days later, slamming me and our relationship after I put my heart out on a platter. Saying if she got this letter a month ago, when we had our great week things would be much different. She needs to work on herself, and she didn't know what the future held.

After receiving the letter I went into no contact mode as she took the wind right out of my sails. Two days later, she sends me a message saying, "hey", "ignoring me now?", etc, etc. At this point I should have not responded but I didn't want it to get crazy and still had feelings for her.

I told her at this point I wasn't going to go through a roller coaster of emotions again and she needed to figure out what she wanted, as it was her reason for messaging me. We arranged to meet up about a week later, in that week she would talk to me like we were in a relationship, saying she got somewhere safe, drunk text me, s*xual talk, etc, etc.

We met up on a Tuesday night, had a great conversation, were holding hands and kissing each other like any couple would. Made some future plans to do some things as well. At this point I was sure we would make a second go of things...Until the next night, 24 hrs later.

She sends me a text and says "we need to talk", I say call me because it's obviously important. She says, she really meant what was in her letter and that if she got back with me she couldn't give her 100%, is still working on herself etc, that absolutely threw me for a loop and that it'd be best if we didn't talk after I asked if we're done talking.

Sit here today, a few days into not talking, AGAIN.

Do you think she'll message me, if so what do I do? What is she doing to my brain, what is doing in general, stringing me along? Why would she text me the way she was before we met up!?

Thanks for the advice!


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  • It seems like she is trying to tell you the absolute truth and the discussion between what you two had but she has some insecurities about telling you either because of her reputation with you or the inner circle of her life (her satellite friends). I believe she will be messaging you because she still has feelings and feels as if you want complete closure but it is something she does not want which makes her so confuse. You know what you want but she does not - that is the problem with her. Leave her be at the moment and do not respond. If she needs to talk, let it be in person and not over the phone with some text or message. You need to see how she will react. Good Luck
    -Nicholas Halden.