My boyfriend has dated blondes and I'm a brunette?

My boyfriend of 8 months has dated blondes and was married to one. I'm a brunette and half Asian which is completely different then whom he has dated. It makes me feel weird and uncomfortable knowing that, that was the type he dated. His past relationship ended I do believe of October of last year and we started dating in January, I feel like I'm his rebound girl from his ex who was 9 years younger than him. She is blond and really pretty and I feel like I'm nothing compared to her. I do get attention from men, and he knows that but I'm with him to make him happy. He tells me all the time how "i'm the one and that he's never felt this way with anyone before" and blah blah. I'm starting to question things...Yesterday we were about to watch a movie where he was hooking his MacBook up to the TV and low and behold a picture of him and his ex was on his wallpaper and suddenly appeared on the 50" flatscreen. I felt like I died a little inside. I was pretending I didn't see it by staring inside my textbook studying away but you better believe I saw it. He immediately tried to cover the screen with his body and I felt just depressed after that. I felt like I wasn't good enough and both his exes were blond and really pretty. He tells me all the time how they screwed him over and hurt him emotionally that I feel like I'm cleaning up their mess of a person they created. And he has these scars. It's a lot for me to handle but hence why I'm starting to feel that I'm just that rebound girl and why would he have a picture of him and his ex on his laptop. Maybe I'm over reacting but I haven't spoke to him all day and he clearly never brought up the picture from last night. I just kind of feel disgusted and I don't want to talk to him now. I just don't know why he's picked me who's completely different looking then his exes.


Most Helpful Girl

  • That inner voice we women have can be a fickle thing and I feel you. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that all of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends shared something in common: they were tall, slim, light-skinned, and blonde. I, on the other hand, am petite, brunette, olive skinned, with boobs and an a**. Not to mention we are an interracial couple - the first he's ever been in. It just didn't make sense to me and I began to doubt if his interest in me was genuine.

    Then I looked at my dilemma from a different angle. If something isn't working out, despite repeated attempts, then maybe a different approach is needed to find a solution. Then I saw it. My boyfriend had dated the same types of girls in the past with little success.

    Perhaps your boyfriend is in a different place in his life and he has come to understand that what he was doing in the past was OBVIOUSLY not working out for him. Not that you are his "experiment" but if you have been together for that long its apparent that you are the solution. You are the missing piece to a happy and successful relationship.

    Now, if the picture of his ex on his laptop bothers you, which it's totally understandable, address the issue. Staying mad at him and letting your feelings sizzle won't help the matter.

    I agree with PoeticNinja. Give yourself a little TLC. Those insecurities you may have about yourself might end up doing more harm to your relationship than your boyfriend's sudden change in girlfriend formula. I mean, men aren't completely oblivious to a woman's lack of self-confidence. They might not know how to alleviate the problem, but they sense it and they'll eventually react. If you can love and embrace yourself for the beauty that you are don't be surprised when others follow suit (including your boyfriend). Same applies for when you don't like yourself.

    Bottom line to your man. Be direct and don't beat around the bush. Also, don't be afraid to love yourself.



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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • But brunettes are way hotter then blondes. I'm confused by what the problem is.


What Girls Said 2

  • You need to stop putting yourself down,He clearly picked you because you are his type,just because he dated blondes doesn't mean he has to the rest of his life,they screwed him over,you need to have self esteem or he will not be attracted to u,keep being the you he fell in love with and don't worry about his past,now the pic on his laptop is another issue,do not stay angry long,you tell him that you saw that and it was very upsetting and to please explain it to u.He needs to know you are no puch over and you love yourself and respect yourself enough to know what you will put up with and not..communication is the key to a lasting relationship not hiolding things in and harboring resentment,speak your mind so this relationship can grow.

  • Once you know your boyfriends ideal or ex girlfriend(s) looks. It's not easy to not compare yourself to them.

    He obviously like the blondes. He dated a lot of them. Suddenly, half Asian. (What the f***?) - Yeah, I can understand why.

    I mean, talk to him about it again. Heart to heart. If you can't face it or is still insecure I suggest you break up with him and go work on yourself. Or maybe, he'll help you.

    Or perhaps, you are right. You're his rebound.

    Also, he has been with you for 8 months now. Rebounds don't last very long.


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