How do I know if I'm just getting a pity date?

[Anonymous]

I asked out a friend (or at least someone I've known a couple years) and from her behavior afterward and during and after the date, I just got the vibe that she was just saying OK to one because I know her and she didn't want to reject me outright. And, despite the signs she gave me, she wasn't interested in the first place, which affected how the date went because that "vibe" wasn't there. Like she was just obligated to spend time because I asked.

Should I trust my instincts on this one? Some people say... "oh, she's just waiting for you to ask her on a second one"..."oh, she's just waiting for you to be more confident and sweep her off her feet", but trust me, if someone doesn't want to be swept of her feet by you, it's hard.

[CrystalMinds]

Her behavior doesn't mean it's a pity date. Maybe she wanted to go, but during the date she realized she doesn't wanna be more than friends and she wanted to show you by her behavior . If she would've hesitated and waited a couple of days to answer when you asked her out, that would sound like a pity date.

[Asker]

she did hesitate and wait a couple days before saying yes.

Also, if she wasn't sure, that would be pretty quick of her to decide during the date in a small stretch of time.

[CrystalMinds]

Hm, then I'm afraid it sounds like a pity date.

[Asker]

yeah, she just wasn't taking it seriously. That's the vibe I got the whole time from the moment I asked her to during the date.

[CrystalMinds]

Just try to keep your relationship at a "friend level". Because it's obvious she doesn't want anything more than that.

[Asker]

well, we've pretty much ignored each other since then and that's better because all it would do is just keep making me think about her and that's counterproductive to me finding someone else.

[CrystalMinds]

Or that's a good option as well.

[courtney06]

Yea trust your instincts. Actions speak louder than words. Happened to me, so once I dropped him out of my life without explanation (deleted him off of Skype, fb, etc) Never heard from him again so that confirmed that I was right.

[Asker]

yeah, I've pretty much dropped her since and, like you, have heard absolutely nothing from her.