I live in France and met an exchange student this summer, she is leaving soon in January. When we met everything was great, we liked each other and it was fun to hang around in school but we never dated or anything like that. Then after a party, not more than a week after we met, we ended up in her bed and her telling me that she feels very good and tranquil in my arms. But we both came to the decision that we can't date because she will be gone soon and that nothing more will happen.
Few days later she told me (chat and text messages, like almost everything) that she misses me really bad, but despite me feeling the same way, I tried to keep her at bay for quite a while but she kept telling me that and well..i relented and told her how I feel and that made her happy
so we saw each other for a second time at a party and everything was cool (but no kisses or whatsoever, just hanging around) but then suddendly she went away and was only with her friends. after a while I told her in a rush of clingyness that I feel neglected for no reason and then she kissed me. some when later we left but I didn't sleep over at her place like we planned to and she told me that she can't really trust me and she is afraid of getting used. I assured her that this is not true and we talked for a long time and kissed but again decided that we'll end this.it was then when it was the first time that I said that I want to continue this and I shared personal stuff (we were drunk) but she didn't want to. so she left alone.
but then the next days she kept telling me that she misses me and she apologized for being a bitch...i was happy to hear this somehow. but I was getting upset because of this. why can't she just decide what she wants?so I was being a d*** a bit, but she kept going on. but then we were cool again. shortly after that she went to a vacation for 2 weeks and we saw each other just for 5 minutes before she left and hugged ourselves. but when she left she said that she wanted to kiss me and that she misses me and I should promise her that I kiss her when she comes back. we texted each other every day. but when she arrived we saw each other again and I only hugged her at the end...but then I started to kiss her neck and she not offended but she said "don't do that" and then I stopped and left. but after that she apologized for saying this and that she liked it. then we saw each other no more somehow, we only chattd and said often that we wanna hang out but she blew off everything on the last minute. or not at all. or she texted me to check if I'm free, but did not respond to my answer. she was really weird. after 4 weeks of that and her screwing up my plannings I confronted her and she didn't seem to care at all and now she is dismissive.
i really don't get what happened so suddenly.she even asked me why I even care about us so much and that I need to let go. what happened?
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I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world that it's hard to see the craziness that is happening in someone else's.
Your friend obviously has a few issues with commitment, which is why she seems to be unable to make up her mind. There is obviously a fear that if she gives into her feelings for that she'll get hurt, no matter how unfounded it is. That fear comes from somewhere in her past. Either someone took advantage of her or she was really hurt. When she says that she's afraid...she really is, and I think you missed that.
The hot and cold is simply her way of making sure she keeps you at arms length. She may not even realize she's doing that, but in a way, it's sort of a power play. She controls what is happening within the relationship that way and that suits her fine, except it has you feeling like a yo-yo.
Understand that we're not "all" built to cultivate long lasting relationships and it's not about turning on or turning off her emotions. She herself is on a perpetual emotional roller coaster ride. No matter how much you love or care for her, she won't be able to "accept" your love until she feels worthy of it. It's like falling in love with a scorpion. You'll have to tread lightly and be constantly alert or else she'll bite...and then tell you not to get upset. She is a scorpion after all.