Women, what do you think of a man in his mid 30's, never dated, never having a girlfriend?

I ask because that is me. I am not some nerd or loser that locked myself away... I am just a hard working bachelor that has very little personal time. I am working toward a promotion soon, and this will give me less work, but more pay. Conversely, more time on my hands. However, after being nagged to death by my parents, saying, "why aren't you dating", or my mother's incessant demands for grandchildren, I am annoyed to no end.

I have rationalized that a woman may not want to be bothered with me, simply because, I kmoow that a first date at my age would be awkward. Moreover, its not like I am ugly, or even plain looking; I am not some fatso... I am just a busy person... I just work and sleep. Allof my friends are married. Hanging out with them has not been an option in nearly 6 years.

But, I was just wondering...

Some would argue that I don't have the baggage others bring into a relationship. I would have to concur. Conversely, I would be somewhat awkward to deal with, and it would take a woman with a lot of patience to tolerate the awkwardness.
More or less, I am starting to get disenfranchised. I may as well live in solitude. Primarily because my choices in this matter are extremely limited. Not to say anything disparaging about women, per se, but, I have no interest in divorced women, women with children, and women that are looing for someone to take care of them. Taking care of someone is conceptualized as being mutual. I don't want to be the only one giving, and she be the one taking.
I guess my life of making myself a success has no success margin, except for the fact that I can comfortably live alone. Perhaps too comfortably. Either way, it seems that since my choices are few, I will just eave well enough alone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think that f*ckin weird. but there are so many women your age looking for men. just dying to find a good husband. a lot of these women are desperate. I would find one of those. but please don't read me wrong. I just want to be honest with you. and also, just because she's desperate or just looking for a date, doesn't mean you two can't absolutly fall in love

    • The desperate ones are the worst candidates. Desperation would cause a person to do things that they are either not accustomed to, or do anything to get what they want. That is a situation I think is quite untenable, to be honest. I hate to say it this way, but there are just some types I rather not deal with. Desperate types are one. Besides, I am a pragmatist (think of Temperance Brennan from the series, "Bones", to describe my demeanor). The concept of love is not instantaneous.

    • hmm. well then you're just not a "couple type". that's ok! I'm kinda that way myself. other people get on my nerves.

    • It is not that. Practically, I just hadn't the time. Quite frankly, I am not a very emotional person. The last time I actually cried, I was still in junior high school... I don't see myself, all "Lovey Dovey" and head over heels for someone. I will completely maintain my individuality, and maintain my core basic nature (that all humans have) of self preservation. Not saying I would not sacrifice myself for what is presumed, "the right person", however, I don't believe that to exist.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • So you never had a lot of personal time even when you were younger? Like teen years? Its good that your priorities are well in line, but sometimes you'll feel lonely and lack human interaction and affection (and all of that...) anyways, I think its a bit rare and unheard of but its not to late... get out there !


    • During my youth, I stuck to the more important things... School, My part time job, and anything that mentally and fitness wise, stimulated my growth. I had no time to get teenage girls pregnant.

      Conversely, it was a shame when I went to my 10 year reunion in high school. So many of my counterparts were in serious debt. I have no debt. I don't use credit, unless there are some things that absolutely require it.

    • However, I may not have the financial problems they had; I was the only one that never been married. I mean, there were classmates that were single, by way of divorce. However, I never even dated. Don't take this as me being a "40 year old virgin", not by a long shot. Sexual experiences were more of a "business arrangement" than anything else.

      I feel odd by saying this, but, I haven't an idea of what it "means to love" someone. In fact, I am rather neutral about people in general.

  • I wouldn't think anything good to be frank.

    Work is good, but you basically haven't lived imo, you've just worked all your life, sorry but that's not someone I'd want to be with.

    • They only want your money in the end.

    • Show All
    • Except I wasn't talking about sex at all...So at least understand what someone is saying before trying to judge.

    • Hate to say it, but the general conceputation of "haven't lived yet" is related to the idealization of sex.

      Learn to pick your words more prudently, lest you are continuously misinterpreted, and vilified due to a misunderstanding. I understood what you meant. However, others may not, and you are realizing that as we speak.

What Guys Said 3

  • I call bullsh*t.

    You were not just busy. Everyone's busy. Most people, dating, sex or relationships are a major priority in their life. You were not just too busy. You didn't want it all that much. That's fine, but don't imagine that there's nothing going on except you being busy.

    I don't think 'dating' will be all -that- odd. A lot of people, to be honest, are not that 'good' at dating. Many people haven't done that much of it - they skipped from relationship to relationship. You can pick up the basics of 'dating' pretty easily.

    What's much more difficult is picking up relationship skills. You could go on 20 first dates in the next month and get in a lot of practice, its a lot harder to catch up the 'relationship skill' and also relationship assessment sides.

    One issue I think you will have is that women will expect that by your age, you are not 'new' to most things, and consequently, that you will not -change-. Older women are much less forgiving of 'inexperience' mistakes then young women. They typically have HAD relationships, and are beyond the point of just seeing where things go, rather they have a checklist of what they're looking for, and they expect to see it soon, not just potential to develop it.

    Still, there's no magic solution to that.

    If you want to date, or have sex, or have relationships, or some combination of those, you simply have to do it.

    • Conceptually, I completely disagree with you. In fact, what you say to me is, as you so graciously put it, "bullsh*t*t". However, I have not the patience, nor the time to debate with you. Good day.

    • I never been all that social with women... i m attracted to them... but I don't see them of any real value outside of sex and childbirth... I'm in my 30s now and at times wish I had a normal life... however you can't miss what you never had... I completely ignore women now... it's a conscious effort... no eye contact... If they sit too close on the bus... or train I move the fuck away asap... it has made my life and dealing with the trauma and resentment easier... Remove them from my thoughts... and they don't become a necessity any longer...

  • apparently not really surprised since men are far more likely, prone to being late bloomers in the dating and relationship-game than women are

  • What are you going to say on your deathbed? "Man I'm glad I worked all those 15 hr days"? If I should croak tomorrow at least I can say I've approached and asked out some very beautiful women. Don't let work rob you of interacting with the fairer sex.

    • Thank you for this comment. I'm kinda the same as the OP

    • Yeah, but I don't want to flip burgers. I don't want to be a disgrace to myself. If I had the time, I could travel anywhere I want, just out of pocket. I don't have to plan, or even budget to do something like that. If I had time, I could just say, "I feel like going to India", then pay for a ticket and go. My pride is that I want for nothing.

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