Why play hot and cold? Why block me? Why why why?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I have had a thing for this guy for 6months now. It all started when we met for a drink. The date was a bit strange (as in it ended earlier than expected, not rudely), after this I tried to arrange a second date and it just was not working out. I joined a dating website and found the same chap on there. He messaged me and I ignored him, we deleted each other of Facebook and attempted to move on.

I dated a few other people but could not get this guy off my mind, he was in my top matches on the website and I found it hard to look past that! Lol. I texted him, things were going well! We re-added each other and met up lots. He told he had been seeing someone but called it of with her because he couldn't stop thinking about me. He asked if we would ever work out as a couple. Every thing was looking up! Then he started to get really hot and cold. He would be so into me some weeks and then drop me the next.

As a last ditch attempt I tried to meet with him one last time, he agreed. However when it actually came to meeting he felt too poorly, so I said hope you feel better etc... And asked "will we meet agian?" He never replied. A few days later I got angry. I lashed out and told him I was fed up of games. He tried to talk to me and we argued. 24 hours later I have been blocked and deleted off Facebook.

I'm really upset about this, I really like this chap. I know I can move on but I will always think about him. I would really like to understand why he blocked me. Was it out of anger? Is there anyway we can come through this? I did text him to apologise for how I spoke and told him I liked him a lot, but have had no reply. He could have blocked my number.

[mebeinganon]

I'd have to say this one is over. But for future reference I think you should reflect on some of the key points that happened.

(moved my conclusion to the top as I doubt you will read through that whole messy thought process)



Conclusion I made: This relationship prob didn't work out and prob won't because I see a high probability of both of you misunderstanding what the other felt and wanted and could not communicate openly and honestly. even small easily forgotten gestures such as you ignoring his datesite message can have major subconscious effects on ones future thoughts, feelings, and actions just as big ones such as his HOT-COLD and unresponsiveness can have on ones

conscious thought,feeling and actio

What I noticed:

1: second date setup not working out but then you ignored him on the dating site-

you not responding to his message shows a def lack of interest but then you texted him so from that point on he prob thought you viewed him as a backup/ last resort. aka falling for you would lead to getting hurt

Still its a chance so don't say no but still play the field as you might of seemed like a long shot.

Hot and Cold- based off assumption from 1he prob was trying not to become to into you as he prob felt you would drop him like a rock at a moments notice and or was playing the field and found other girls who he felt he had a better chance with. BUT this "being so into me then drop me the next" thing is just how you were interpreting his action so that might not have actually been the case. Example. true story. I took to many classes mid sems fell behind got stressed went off the radar. Some of my "newer" friends acted all awk around me after I came back. They thought I was made at them. I said "no, I had paper after paper. I practically lived in the library trying to keep up with classes" they were like "oh" Hot Cold just interpretations of actions which may or may not be true.

Unresponded text- even texts the seem like they deserve a response sometimes just don't get one for one reason or another. gets buried by situations that spring up or other messages and maybe forgotten due to short-term memory lol anyway for some people the longer a message or call is not responded to the harder it is to respond and hours turn to days to months etc.

Advice to the unresponded text thing. wait a week or so and send a hows it going type of text or invite to someplace and you might get a response, but even if you don't never send an angry txt or voice mail unless you are actually a couple but still even then unless its a break-up message.

The talk- so he tried to talk and somehow it turned into an argument. well no Idea how it started but I'll say this because you said you lashed out at him and" was fed up of games", I have to assume the argument started due to you not being able to remain calm. If you ask someone something you should listen to what they have to say and like I said above your interpretations to their actions may or may not be true

[Asker]

Wow, thanks so much for that answer! You are totally right that when things go pear shaped you can learn and grow from them. I would always text him and ask what was going on and he would often ignore those messages specifically. So when the small argument developed it can from the frustrations of that I think! I felt terrible how I left things so I did text him to apologise for my own dignity! I also told him how much I felt for him. I think one day, he will be back in touch.

[mebeinganon]

Ya its hard to stay calm and collected in those emotionally tortuous moments and I am glad I was of some help to you. Hope everything works out for you in the end :)

[asker999]

Who knows what else he has going on and what is in his past. Sometimes early on you just don't get a second chance. You might have meant well but hit on a bad memory and he can't get past that now. I have been through something similar and the harder I tried the worse I felt. If they aren't willing to put in the effort to improve things, there is nothing you can do.

[Asker]

That's quite interesting! I never thought about it like that! Your right though about the effort, some people get so stuck in the past and never progress. My gut is telling me that he will be in contact again, but I keep telling it to shut up! Haha!

[stubbsy]

This guy is not giving you the respect you deserve so in that case, worry no more, because who wants to be with a guy that don't resect them? your choice really, but instead of guessing, get a guy who really is willing to make the efforts needed to maintain your interest and who is willing to show you that they are worthy of you,x

[Asker]

Yer I agree with the lack of respect and I certainly do not wish to be perceived as a doormat! I have given him 6months of chances! I should move on but I really think it will be impossible. I've dated lots of great guys but feel nothing.

[stubbsy]

I'm the same, but I refuse to give up, just because I have so far failed to meet a girl right for me, doesn't mean there's not one out there lol,x

[Asker]

You have a very positive out look on life! I know there is someone out there and I've met some ace guys In between this guy. I just dnt get the "feeling"! I'll keep trying and I'll try be more positive!

[stubbsy]

I always believe that if you are positive, then positive things will happen, and the same for being negative, negative things will happen, good luck,x

[quantumdefender]

for a woman he barely knows to start bring all sorts of drama over a couple of botched dates, not a good sign, seems all he sees of you is a buncha negativity. I would have blocked ya too

[Asker]

Just so I can understand this comment, which part of the scenario has been dramatic?