Why do guys keep girls on the back burner?

[Anonymous]

why do guys keep girls on the back burner?

the type of girl who is loyal to one guy (even when they aren't officially dating yet), will drop everything to just to be there for them if needed, nice, kind etc...

and it seems like these girls get put on the back burner.. and these guys go out and date other girls..when things don't work out with these other girl they go back to the previous girl knowing full well she still has feelings for him.

but then he'll throw her on the back burner once again and lead her on and play mind games so she sticks around.

why do guys do that?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I wanna start by clearing something up, because while you did not expressly say so, you implied that, or seem to be under the impression that all or most guys do this. Neither is true. Not all guys do this. I don't even think most guys do this. I'm sure there's a substantial amount, but I somehow doubt it's in a majority.

Secondly, I would also like to point out, in case you had any beliefs to the contrary that this behaviour is not strictly male. From personal experience, I've known tons of girls who have done the exact same thing. One was a close friend of mine. Another was my own fucking (ex)girlfriend, whom of which, had a few male friends of her own, that I thought little about, because I tend to be trusting. Guess who she fucked almost immediately after it was over. But I digress.

It's not strictly male behaviour, and considering Chris Rock's bit about "Because you never know" I'm clearly not the only guy who's dealt with this. I imagine you could just as easily get your answers by asking women why they do it, as well, but it's pretty clear you just got screwed, and you're angry, so let's put the focus back on hating men. Alright, let's do this.

I think the guys who do this do it for a number of reasons.

The first one coming to mind is fear. Now there's different kind of fears, so I'll start by talking about fear of commitment.

Because some people (not just guys) just can't take commitment. There's too much to be afraid of and what if it's all the wrong person, all that time, money and energy spent. What if it all goes wrong? What if she's not as good? What if I could do better? Things like that. There are a million things people fear commitment over, but most of them are trivial and stupid.

Some are just stupid with relationships and can't seem to appreciate the person they're with until they're gone. So they leave. They find someone else, and suddenly "Oh no, it's just not the same." and go back. More fear.

Some do this crap out of selfish greed. They know full well who they're playing. They know the person devoted to them will wait. They leave, because "technically it's not cheating" have their fun and come back. Essentially screwing with two people's hearts.

As for people left on the back burner. If they intentionally setup a backup plan, you can bet they're lousy partners, anyway. But the thing is not everyone does it intentionally. Some just have these people in the background as genuine friends. Some even lead people on unintentionally. Some don't even give proper rejection because they mistakenly think that this is somehow merciful, but in reality it just strings them along. Not all mind games are intentional.

But the sad truth is some are just bastards, who do whatever they want for their own end, with disregard for others, and some even delight in pure malicious cruelty. More often than not, it's someone who is stupid or screwed up, but still doesn't deserve a second chance. If it happens, move on, and be glad it's over.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Anything to say to this? This, or the other four answers, here?

[ProfChaos]

Short Answer: Because you let them.

T-Rex doesn't want to be fed, T-Rex wants to hunt. Or, if you're too young to remember Jurassic Park, guys love the thrill of the chase/hunt. We're also pre-programmed to want to screw pretty much every woman out there if we can, and you let him do it consequence free.

Maybe a better question is why you continue to play the good girlfriend role to a guy who probably views you as a back-up plan at best? If for whatever reason you just have to have this guy, stop sitting around waiting for him and go out and do exactly what he's doing. Few things spark a man's interest like a little competition.

[Anonymous]

there are just as many girls who do that to guys unfortunately

reason is because they know they aren't the right one for them but they still need someone to be intimate with while they are alone and lonely

[Anonymous]

Guys that do that are using the woman to either repair their shattered ego, or for sex until something better comes along. If you are on the back burner you are being used.

[Anonymous]

girls do the same. Welcome to life