First I want to mention that i have no freakin idea how i'm supposed to write this so um here we go i guess...
I'm just so scared of growing up, and having all those responsibilities, and the pressure of making something great out of my life. for crying out loud i'm turning 16 tomorrow and i'm trembling with fear. it's not that big or important but it terrifies me, i feel like there will be higher expectations and i'll have to do so many things. it's like i'm jumping into an entirely new world and i’m not ready for it.
Is that how it’s supposed to be because I don’t think it should
My entire life I’ve wanted to be a grown up, I was rushing, I didn’t want to be a child. I believed that I was mature enough, that I’ve always been ready. But I’m not. Not anymore.
I don’t know what to do anymore, how to act. And I have to make such big choices, ones that will define the rest of my life, and I feel like whatever I do I’m just going to screw up and then what, my life will be pointless. I won’t be making any changes, I won’t be happy, there will be no reason to exist. How am I supposed to deal with this?
I’m currently wasting my time, wasting my life.
There are so many questions. What are you going to do? What are you going to study? Where will you live? How are you going to manage on your own? How will you sustain yourself?
And still there are no answers. Just fear seeping throw my veins.
This is so unfinished and probably sound stupid and confusing, but if you have read my current fears, damn I love you. Thanks.